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Kristen Van Nest

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Urayasu, Chiba
Kristen Van Nest

Thriller author, comedian & creator. Dark, absurd news that reads like a book plot. Books, podcasts & videos at dot.cards/kristenvannest

Comedian based in Stamford, CT.

15/08/2026

full confession: I LOVE visiting graveyards. I will genuinely put one on a travel itinerary. so it tracks that I read scary books year round, and I finally made the list: 9 scary books for adults, from a crumbling house in Warwickshire to a scout troop I cannot think about while eating. which one would you start with? link in the comments 👇

12/08/2026

I live in Los Angeles now, so I don't really get a fall. I fake it with pumpkin spice and a cup of tea, pretending there aren't palm trees outside my window.

Turns out I've been faking the wrong month. Victorians did their ghost stories at Christmas. They read them out loud round the fire. Dickens ran seven in one 1863 holiday issue for fourpence. M.R. James wrote his to perform by candlelight for students he'd invited over specifically to frighten.

Somewhere along the way we moved all of it to October. Twelve fall thrillers for a cold night with zero plans 👇

11/08/2026

The author of today's big serial killer release used to do REAL autopsies. I can't decide if that makes the morgue scenes scarier or just better. would that sell you on a book or scare you off?

11/08/2026

Today's big serial-killer release was written by someone who used to do real autopsies. Alaina Urquhart was an autopsy tech before she wrote The Butcher Legacy. Would you read the morgue scenes differently knowing that?

10/08/2026

My grandpa called our house on Fire Island the Hotel House. Glass on both sides, both floors. Window, door, window, door, so you could see straight through it end to end.

Gorgeous view of the bay. Kind of terrifying at night, because with the lights on, anyone outside could see every late-night snack and every argument about whose turn it was to do the dishes.

This was the BEST house when it rained. I'd sit on the second floor and watch the storm come across the bay from the Long Island side, curled up with a book.

Lucy Foley cuts the power on a wedding party stranded off the Irish coast. Over in Alice Feeney's book it's the tide instead. One family, sealed off on a Cornish island for 8 hours.

So if you're looking for the kind of book where the weather is the reason nobody can reach you, I've got 9 for you 👇

09/08/2026

bonappetitmag needs to back the 🤬 up. Bon Appétit ran a cover story asking if we have reached Peak Pickle and I need everyone to know that the article includes pickle lip gloss, pickle perfume, pickle jewelry, pickle beer, pickle marshmallows for pickle s’mores, and pickle lubricant

Pickle lubricant. Someone looked at a cucumber soaking in brine and said: intimacy product. There is a market for this. People are buying it.

Pickle-flavored product sales are up 34% in the past year — nearly $490 million. The chief commercial officer of Grillo’s Pickles said, and I quote, “we keep saying okay this is the last year of the craze and every year it seems to get bigger”

So to answer Bon Appétit’s question: no. We have not reached Peak Pickle. We are nowhere near Peak Pickle. We are going to be in this brine for the rest of our lives and the photo they chose to illustrate that point is people with giant pickle heads sitting by a pool looking completely unbothered and I think that’s correct actually

09/08/2026

Stanford researchers used AI to design 16 brand-new viruses that don’t exist in nature, and I’m sorry but this is exactly how every zombie movie starts. Did we learn nothing from COVID? Somebody close the laptop, put the genome in a zip file, and stop letting ChatGPT build bacteria-killing phages after dark. 🧟‍♀️🧬🤖

09/08/2026

The more important question is WHY do we think Usher has a plastic wrap sofa?

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