Nyanza HOT News

Nyanza HOT  News Informing the public

05/07/2025

Ngat ma oneno ni chi Ojwang' ok oolo loo, Odhi ogo wiye ka polis chiege obi ool lowo eliende

16/07/2024

This demonstration does not belongs to us hii ni ya wakikuyu🙏🙏

08/01/2024

The day that you die😭😭.. Your relatives will be itching as to who will be the first to "Break the News" on FB. Your FB wall will flood with messages. "Oooh gone too soon, am still in shock, oh I can't believe you are gone, why you" . . so many messages. Some will be too lazy to type anything more than R.I.P.🤔

Some will send you friend requests!!!

Others will spend the whole day on your profile monitoring if it's true ....or trying to find out the cause of your death.

On your burial day, your relatives and friends will be there in the latest fashions, car hires and perfect make ups under the sun glasses.🙄

They will pose for photos and even post selfies with your lifeless body in a coffin!!

Very few people will be mourning, only Your children and your grandmother.😓😓

For your parents it's a case of whether you invested back home and if your Mpesa to them was active. If you were a 'generous' son /daughter, the deeper the grief.

By now your spouse has gone to all your banks and insurance companies... She/he has been to your office to see your boss about this month's salary and your benefits.. in a nutshell she/he wants you 6ft under to go finish with the Insurance company and Harambee Sacco🤔🤔

Your grandmother is there wondering why God took you instead of her.. she's genuinely sad.

Your mpango wa kando didn't attend your burial because your phone has been off and she/he has no other contact.

At 3pm they are done. You are six ft under our feet. They party and drink at your village shopping centre or somewhere along the road trip from your village.

They go back to City and life continues.

My friend..... Love life,
have fun,
know your friends,
be real and have a real purpose.
Leave a legacy. Be careful. Play it safe.
After it's all said & done, God's judgement awaits.

Sad
But the most important thing invest in your children and in God's kingdom..
Prepare your heart for the maker.. truly life got no balance.......

05/01/2024

GIK MAGOLO KWE E OT

1.Keto pachi e chandruok kata pek mineno.Wek s*ko kiketo pachi e pek, to tem ane ng'iyo giko.Sani nyalo bedo matek lakini Nyasaye loso giko nobed maber.Jomoko nosandore kachako to kawuono?Focus the end may be worth it Ka Nyasaye omiyou ngima

2.Tamruok bedo kod horruok e dak.Hori ndalo duto.Bed ng'ama inyal kwer to dok piny.Donge kata jo Asernal iloyo to pod ipake apake😂😂😂

3.Kik usungru kod gweth ma Nyasaye oketu e lwetu.Kanitie gweth go to miuru go Nyasaye duong'.Jomoko ting'ore mapenj ni kare pod ichamo fulu.

4.Kik iyi wang, piyo.Pareni mano e odi.Kikethe gi ich wang' to onge machielo midhiyudo maber kamano..For instance
iweyo chuori ni nigi nyako oko iwuok gi nyithindo kasto ibedo sidechick ne married man double tragedy..Duok ich wang' chien

5.Gima osekadho we keto e chunyi.Sadha kelo tuoche e ringruok to bende sadha golo kwe e chuny bende e ot

6.Dak kiparo kaka chon ne ber.Kik is*k kihun seche tee kiparo chon gi sani..Chon Niromoni kiya oko kawuono to kata ng'ama penjo kiduogo onge😂 accept it

7.Kik wiu wil gi gik ma Nyasaye osetimonu.Gik ma Nyasaye osedolo we rieyo go ane picha ine kaka Nyasaye oseritou,osekalo kodu e okenge mad**go...Omiyo s*k ka upako nyinge seche te🙏

Ng'euru ni kata families duto e muma nikod agete ma gikale koro hori to maduong' ni beduru e lwet Nyasaye sache te
Ecclesiastes 7:8

Dear Men,Before you forgive her for cheating, I want you to know she woke up, probably spoke to you that day and called ...
27/10/2023

Dear Men,

Before you forgive her for cheating, I want you to know she woke up, probably spoke to you that day and called you Babe. Then bathe, dressed up, boarded a vehicle to his place.

He touched her once. Touched her twice. Kissed her. Then spread her on the bed and pulled her naked. At some point she was moaning at the top of her voice and telling him to do it more.

He turned her over several times and ran all sorts of styles. Probably chokes her, gagged her and spanked her and she said Yea baby!

At some point he asked her if she liked it and she said yes, It was the best ever. She laid naked in his arms and on his bed. Probably wore his polo, cooked and ate with him.

I'm not saying You should not forgive her . I just want you to properly understand the situation and know it was not a mistake, It was deliberate and she enjoyed every bit of it.

But if you still want to forgive and accept her back, I celebrate you Man Of God😂

29/09/2023

THE 35 SACRED BRO CODES:

1. Don't r**e.

2. A man doesn't cook delicious food, it's gayish.

3. Two naked men are not supposed to be in the same room.

4. A bro doesn't bath with hot water, he respect his 2 eggs.

5. A bro should know when to leave.

6. A bro should not ask a fellow bro his name, he should call him "Bro, Sir, Chairman, Mr, etc

7. As a bro when you remove your shoes, it must throw out a heavy, strong and intoxicating ordour into the atmosphere, your presence must be felt from a far distance like the stench of a he goat.

8. A bro must know the signal to leave the room when a bro's girl is around.

9. Never make funny of your bro just to impress women.

10. A bro must not pay for s*x.

11. Your bro's Ex is your Ex.

12. Make money before you make love.

13. A bro must not watch a Korean drama.

14. No matter how beautiful your bro's sister is, she is your sister too.

15. A bro must not watch zee world, Nigerian movies and some petty content.

16. When money finally comes, don't change your woman, upgrade her.

17. Don't do husband duties while you are just a boyfriend.

18. A bro never gives up, the rest and continue.

19. If she say you are her planet, don't forget about other planets.

20. Always respect your father, he was your first bro. Respect your mother, she is your 001.

21. Never ever smash your bro's chick.

22. Never feed a horse that you don't ride.

23. A bro shall not gaze at a naked bro.

24. A bro never cries publicly or in front of any woman.

- A bro never use Snapchat filter, a bro must look ugly and gallant.

26. A bro never wears pink underwear.

27. If a bro asks another bro to keep a secret, he shall take that secret to his grave.

28. A bro is never offended if another bro fails to return a phone call or text.

29. It is never acceptable for a bro to sleep with another bro’s project or ex.

30. A bro never Gives another bro the silent treatment.

31. A bro never hold hands with bro while walking.

32. Bros DO NOT rush for selfies.

33. Never break up with the girl that bring food to the gang.

34. Even if you're caught red-handed, deny everything. 😎

35. Dress well, no matter the occasion.

Tsup Bro 🤜🤛

13/04/2023

IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR THE FUNNIEST COMEDIANS, LOOK no FURTHER than AZIMIO HONCHOS.

OBURU (Before Elections): We have the system, we have the deepstate and we have the people, there is NO WAY we can lose the Presidency

OBURU (After Elections): We realized that Ruto was the REAL deepstate...he controlled everyone from Police to IEBC

BABU OWINO (Before Elections): I can confirm that President Uhuru is fully determined to make Baba Raila President

BABU OWINO (After Elections): I can confirm it was a long con. Uhuru was playing Baba from day one. He didn't want Raila to be President.

KANCHORY (Before Elections): I can tell the world that Bomas is a crime scene and our victory is being stolen "live live".

KANCHORY (Africa Elections): I can tell you that we LOST the election because Raila's Campaign was disorganized from day one.

RAILA (Before Elections): Ruto ni kitu kidogo sana kwangu, I don't have time for non-issues like Ruto

RAILA (After Elections): We are going to the streets because Ruto ametudharau sana,hana kiburi mingi sana

WASAREDO(Before Elections):Take it to the bank, Ruto will NEVER be president of Kenya. Zoea Baba the 5th

WASAREDO(After Elections):Take it to the bank,Ruto is a one-term president, zoea Baba the 6th.

AND THE COMEDY CONTINUES!

EN NGANYO MAR ANGO???Nyiswa uru gimalongo majii dhine enganyo!Ka en nganyo ni mondo Kik gol Charera 4 etich to daa.Kenya...
06/12/2022

EN NGANYO MAR ANGO???

Nyiswa uru gimalongo majii dhine enganyo!
Ka en nganyo ni mondo Kik gol Charera 4 etich to daa.

Kenya ka jii mangeny mane tiyo tije mad**go emigepe mopogore opogore mag piny owacho mane ogolie tijigi eyore mathoth maok owinjore, moko osekedo edoho kagimanyo ratichgi mondo oduokgi etijegi mane gitimogo kata mondo ochulgi kuom rocho ratichgi mamoko nosekata thoo to moko be pod ywakgi omoko edoho to onge kata ngama ne oseluongo negi nganyo mondo oduokgi etich.

Jii mangeny ma ngato luongo mondo oterie nganyo machalo gi mochik e a lap ma Kumkunji tarik 7 gi onge kata tije, moko goyo magang to moko jolam to ngenygi be Jo mijengo to moko be osomo mana maber kendo gin gi oboke mag mbalariany to kuma giyudie tije otamore to sani to gigoo koko Kaka jii orom enganyo mar tamruok mondo Kik riemb jomoko etich.

Cherera ngato nye okona ni ne ose resign to kaen emoluongne nganyo to Koro Kare nganyo mapod awinjo kilandono en mar ango?

Joluo nyaka to Koro watang uru, weche mar ni wan ngato tiyo mana kodwa to ento emonene ber ma omewo kachwarni to joluo to odhier koyiech dak ni nyaka to Koro wapenjre ni sani to Koro ochom kodwa Kanye ka yore madhii Canaan tee to idinore nyaka 2042?

Ayieya ayieya jodalawa to gimoro ka gimoro nyaka bed gisaa ne, ber to ber nikech joluo nowene ngato tiyogo Kaka odwaro esama wiye omiye to giko ni wabiro d**g elwasi nikech kata wuodwa ma watiego nadidonjie piem ka gimoro amora dipoo kanyalo timore onge kata achiel, jowa mosetemo iwinjo Mana ni ngane kane tugo gi ngane to erego?

Sawa tuu ! Yawuotwa to waloko gaktok to yawuot kabinde ma moko to gerore kendo bedo gi chiya ma malo mar telone piny kaka ker to wanto?

Par uru nyadiriyo kuom weche mawachogi , awuoyo awuoya ka olang migoyo to ndalo biro ma wanaywag ange, to nobedni chak osepukore onge jowo.

Aweyou gi mago Ruoth obedna kodu.

04/12/2022

FOOTBALL VS SEX🥒🥒😍😋 😀😀
1. Going to ur boyfriend or Girlfriend's house without being invited = Offside😋
2. Dating a girl today and having s*x on the same day = Free kick*😋
3. Condom = Defender😍😘
4. Abortion = Red card🟥
5. Condom breaks = Penalty 😋
6. A girl with lot of energy = Captain😁
7. Having s*x without condom = Own goal🙄
8. Taking a lot of time without cuming = Man of the match😍😍😍
9. Sexing three girls in one day = Hat trick😍😍😍😍😍
10. Having s*x with ur Ex = Friendly match🖐️😂
11. Eight years of s*x without getting a child = Arsenal😂🤨
12. After two rounds and u request for more = Extra time😛😜
13. Taking it gently when having s*x = Fair play🥰🥰🥰
14. Biting ur girlfriend's ni***es = Suarez😘
15. Two legs on the shoulder = Throwing🥰
16. Asking her "how do u want it?" = Taking instructions from the touchline🤗
17. A lady using pills after s*x and later she still gets pregnant = Defensive error*😏😛
18. A girl getting pregnant = Goooooal🤩
19. Having s*x with ur girlfriend and ur mum opens the door = Injury☹️😜
20. A guy who impregnated the lady = Active striker😌🤪
21. A girl telling u to stop = yellow card*🤔
22. Divorce = Barcelona and Messi*😁😂
23. Awwwnsh, awwwn, more babbby, harder harder* *asssshh!..=dribbling in process 😛😍 😋😋
24..Ohhh yeeeahhhhh: =game over 🙌🏻
Happy Stay Guys🤪🤪🤪

Jehova bende riek ndii,, kosefwenyo ni in dichuo majaber to nikod pesa ...koro giri emoketoni mathwis marom gi bhajia......
16/11/2022

Jehova bende riek ndii,, kosefwenyo ni in dichuo majaber to nikod pesa ...koro giri emoketoni mathwis marom gi bhajia.......nyale waaa🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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