30/11/2025
His name is Money Bior, the only politician in Kaspul who campaigns with a menu instead of a manifesto. For weeks, he has been feeding voters like they are guests in a cooking show. The villagers enjoyed a three course meal from chefs imported from a Nairobi 5-star hotel, food was so hot and delicious that even the village mutinas lined up with voter IDs.
And for those who preferred liquid development, mheshimiwa opened a whole bar on his bill. People were drinking like they were trying to irrigate their intestines. For those men whose wives have been rationing the food that faces the earth at home, mhesh went out of his way & brought yellow yellow damsels from Homabay town.
These ladies came glowing like a new WiFi routers, distributing full network to the hungry men. All this at the small price of a vote. Then voting day arrived. Mheshimiwa’s team decided to motivate citizens with Ksh 1,000,,, money that disappeared faster than promises in a manifesto.
The plan was simple, feed them, water them, tempt them, pay them,,, then win by a landslide. When results came in, mheshimiwa saw dust, smoke, fog and heartbreak all combined.
He didn’t even come third,, he came a distant fourth, collecting a humble 526 votes, including the ones from his chefs, his bouncers, and maybe two Homabay damsels out of pity. The humiliation embraced him like a wet bedsheet.
Out of pure anger and the need to teach these professional money eaters a lesson,,, mhesh called for a Thanksgiving ceremony at his mansion. People arrived smiling, expecting chicken, pilau, and maybe round two of coastal ladies.
But immediately they stepped in, the bouncer closed the gate with the confidence of Gachagua, then started distributing blows of national importance. The beating was thorough, some received uppercuts that reset their M-Pesa PINs, others got “flying kick ndira” that deconstructed their dental formula. 😂😂
