15/02/2016
'...... His finger traced a line down my naked back
from
neck to ass, pausing at ass to plant a kiss on it.
Almost immediately a school of goosebumps
rushed to the surface of my skin, like hungry fish
looking for sustenance. Then he went and spoiled it all by saying something stupid, like… “You
faked it - didn’t you?” With the exception of the
crisp white sheet on
which I was outstretched, the bedcovers lay in a
frenzied heap on the floor. The hotel room’s
chilled, artificial air made me shiver. My mind hosted a flash debate on the topic,
Faking Or***ms Occasionally Is Good For a
Relationship. The affirmative won by a whisker
but I decided to tell the truth and hope I didn’t
sound too irritated. “Why the hell would I do
that? What would be the point of engaging in a relationship based on
s*xual satisfaction, if I’m going to feign s*xual
satisfaction? Today was amazing, Rick. It’s always
amazing with you” He said nothing for a moment.
I thought I was
safe. I desperately wanted to snooze away the afterglow of what really was, in many ways a
wonderful encounter. “I dunno – it’s just that I
want you to tell me if I’m
not doing everything right. I want to please you,
every time” I rolled over on my back. He sat naked
and cross legged at the foot of the bed, still maintaining the
mild but obvious evidence of his previous
excitement. The sight of it stirred me. “You do
please me every time. You please me
enormously.” I smiled and held out my arms, into
which he tumbled like a child needing reassurance. I knew that now, conversation would
be
inevitable. Lots of conversation, that would
probably lead to another bout of urgent,
tumultuous s*x. “Do you know how long we’ve
been doing this…? “Doing what?” I teased “You know…making love, of course.” “Oh I don’t know.
Six months maybe?” He sat up and gave me his
duh…are you
kidding…? grin “It’s been nearly eight. And I
worked it out the other day. We’ve probably had
s*x about a hundred and fifty times. And rarely in the same
place twice. Isn’t that amazing?” I didn’t mean to
laugh at that point, but I couldn’t
help it. His grin disappeared as he straddled me
and
cupped my breasts gently. “How many times, out of that hundred and fifty,
would you say I’ve failed to make you climax?”
“What are you…the bureau of freakin’ statistics?”
“No… I was just wondering” Suddenly I couldn’t
keep the irritation out of my
voice. “Rick, it doesn’t matter… does it? To be honest I
haven’t kept count, and having an orgasm…well,
it isn’t something I keep track of. You’re making
me feel like I need to be accountable or
something…” “I know…but it turns me on so
much when I can make it happen for you” I wished that he could
make silence happen for
me. “I hate it when you analyse things Rick. Can’t
we
just enjoy the s*x for what it is?” His reaction
surprised the hell out of me. He climbed off me, his green eyes flashing with
anger. “THE s*x? Like…the breakfast cereal. Or the
flu? What’s going on here Morgan. Are you bored
with
me and this relationship or something? Is there
someone else you’d rather be with than me?” I sat up and faced him directly. My own reaction
surprised me too, and then I realised that my
words mirrored feelings I’d been suppressing for
weeks. “It’s not YOU I’m bored with, just all this
stupid
chit chat and you trying to pigeon hole this...this situation. This is an AFFAIR Rick, not a
relationship. A relationship is what I have with my
husband. You’ve known this all along. I’m
married and I choose to stay married. What we
have is s*x. Lots of it. And that’s all we can ever
have. I don’t intend to leave my husband. And even if I did, it wouldn’t be…” I stopped myself
but it was too late. I’d delivered the fatal blow.
Rick was spurting hurt
from a major artery. “Oh I see. Even if you did
leave him, we wouldn’t continue… right?” I tried
to stem the flow. “Look Rick the last six…I mean eight months has
been fantastic…” “HAS been…? Oh so I’m right.
This is it then. Just
like that. I knew something was wrong, I’ve
sensed it for ages.” The crumpled look on his face
activated a tiny worm of panic inside me, and began to burrow
through my stomach. “What IS it with you Rick?
We’ve both always
known where we stand on this. My feelings for
you are entirely separate to my feelings for Derek.
You and I have no ties to each other – you are completely free to pursue other relationships. An
affair lasts as long as it does.” “Don’t quote me
from one of your books Morgan.
I’m not a piece of research. But then… affairs are
your specialty. You know what? You’re so damn
cold and unfeeling.” He leapt from the bed and fumbled under the pile
of bedclothes for his jocks. He dressed in
moments. After putting on his shoes, he sat on
the edge of the bed with his back to me. I heard
the small quaver in his voice as he finally said the
words that had gone unspoken for eight months. “I love you Morgan. I know you don’t want to hear
it, and I didn’t expect it to happen, but I thought
you would have sensed it by now. I even hoped
you might share my feelings. All those times we
made love…I can’t believe you felt it was nothing
more than s*x. You couldn’t be that detached. But then anyone who could go home to her husband
and hop into bed with the smell of another man
still on her has no feelings for anyone but herself”
Now I was really angry. “Rick!” “Forget it Morgan. I
know it’s over, but don’t ask
me for quiet acceptance. I have feelings too you know” He strode to the door and was gone. I no
longer wanted to snooze. I wanted antacid. ***
Later that evening, Derek and I shared a quiet
meal at Antonio’s, one of our favourite Italian
restaurants in the city. We both enjoyed Antonio’s
cosy dark corners where we could hide, and catch up on the day’s happenings without being
interrupted. This evening however, despite the
sensuous
gloom of candlelight, a plump young woman
wearing a loose fitting floral dress waddled
towards us just after we’d been seated. She clutched a copy of my latest book “When It’s
Over …It’s Over” to her generous bosom. “Oh my
God! It IS you. Morgan McLean. I thought
it was you when you walked in. I love your books
– they’ve helped me so much with my self
esteem. You’ve shown me that it’s okay to be me – I feel so liberated and in control of my life now.
Thanks to you, I now have the courage to end an
affair.” I was slightly taken aback. More than a
little
surprised that this homely woman would be
engaging in an extra marital relationship. Still, if I believed my own words, it should have come as
no surprise that affairs - like s**t I’d come to
discover - happen. She bent down slightly
towards me and
whispered “You are the BEST relationship expert I
have ever come across. I’d rather devour your books than
do anything in the whole wide world.” I pasted
on my fake smile, and wondered if
perhaps reading my books might actually come
second in preference to devouring too much
unhealthy food. I took the book from her. “I’m so glad my books have been a positive in
your life” She thrust a pen at me. “Can you write…
‘To Julie, your life is about to
change in a big way…best wishes Morgan
McLean’”. I did so and handed the book and pen
back to her. She beamed a huge smile of thanks and as
she turned to walk away, I couldn’t resist asking
“How do you think he’ll take it…?” She turned
back to face me. Her face deathly
serious. “Sorry?” “When you end your affair…” The
woman frowned. “Oh I’m not having an affair, my husband is, but
thanks to you, I’m handling it in just the righty
way. ” She turned and walked away. Throughout
all this, Derek sat quiet and invisible.
He was accustomed to strangers accosting me in
restaurants, cinemas, theatres, art galleries. He always stepped back and let me handle it – and
always with an amused grin on his face. I know it
sounds bizarre, but with Derek I have
almost everything a woman could want.
Companionship, friendship, someone I can laugh
with and share my innermost thoughts. He has supported me through every step of my career,
and nursed me through the many rejections from
publishers as I tried to build it. It was Derek who
arranged the first television interview that
launched my now soaring career. For ..........'
