26/05/2026
๐๐จ๐ฐ ๐๐ง๐๐ฅ๐ ๐๐๐ฆ ๐ค๐ข๐๐ค๐๐ ๐๐ซ๐ ๐๐๐๐จ๐ง๐
Muckraker told this story before, but the current circus in our political pigsty makes it worth repeating. Itโs a beautiful encore neatly capturing how Uncle Sam humiliated Bra Lebona. Never in the history of our rotten politics has a rich man been so humbled with such surgical ruthlessness.
Here it goes. One day, Uncle Sam is visiting his people and cows in Mantลกonyane.
Letโs say he wanted a break from the pit latrine that is Maseru.
Or some time with genuine people who see him as one of their own, not some Moshe coming down Mount Sinai with bags of money and empty promises.
Uncle Sam is enjoying ๐๐๐ก๐โ๐ and ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ when a helicopter lands on a nearby mountain.
Bra Lebona jumps out, holding a pellet gun.
And as he comes down the mountain, he starts shooting birds and stuffing them in a โ๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐โ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐.
When Uncle Sam asks what he is doing in his village, Bra Lebona says: โJust hunting Godโs birds in Morena Moshoeshoeโs country, ๐๐ก๐๐ก๐โ.
Uncle Sam retreats to his house and watches Bra Lebona harvesting birds in the trees just outside his fence.
After all, Bra Lebona was clear that he was hunting Godโs creatures that any Mosotho can catch for protein.
In any case, Bra Lebona had started whistling to show that he was in no mood for chit-chat with someone who didnโt own a single feather of the birds he wanted to swallow.
Bra Lebona then shoots a bird that drops in Uncle Samโs yard, right by the fence.
And just as he is about to jump over the fence to pick it, Uncle Sam walks over and asks: โAnd what are you doing now?โ
โGetting my bird shot by me,โ Bra Lebona says.
Already annoyed, Uncle Sam says he now owns the bird because itโs in his yard.
Bra Lebona frowns with disgust. He says itโs his bird because he shot it.
They argue for hours until Uncle Sam says there is a simple and amicable way to resolve the dispute.
โMake it quick, that bird is my dinner in TY,โ Bra Lebona says as he paces along the fence.
Uncle Sam explains the Mantลกonyane Dispute Resolution Mechanism that elders use to resolve serious conflicts.
โWe take turns to kick each other in the nuts three times and whoever gives up first loses the bird,โ Uncle Sam says.
Bra Lebona quickly agrees and insists Uncle Sam start the kicking.
He reasons that by the time itโs his turn to kick Uncle Sam in the nuts, the villagers would have gathered to witness the humiliation of their son in his yard in front of goats and cows. He knew Mantลกonyane has more goats than people.
๐๐ก๐ซ๐๐ ๐ค๐ข๐๐ค๐ฌ
So Bra Lebona bends over. Uncle Sam kicks him in the nuts. Boom! Bra Lebona screams but doesnโt give up. He wants his bird for dinner.
Boooom! Uncle Sam kicks again. Bra Lebona faints.
Villagers who had gathered after hearing the first scream sprinkled some water on him. He comes back to life. Still dazed and with some tears, Bra Lebona bends over again for the third kick.
The smart Son of TY was just one last kick away from punishing the Son of Mantลกonyane.
So he thought.
Booooooom!
Uncle Sam delivers the last kick, a thunderous one, and Bra Lebona faints again.
This time, the villagers use buckets of water to resuscitate him.
And when he comes back to life, Bra Lebona struggles to his feet and says: โI didnโt give up. Now itโs my turn to kick your nuts. Bend over, ๐๐ก๐๐ก๐โ.
Uncle Sam says: โNah! You wonโt be kicking any nuts today. I give up. Take your bird and go back to TYโ.
Furious, Bra Lebona accuses Uncle Sam of violating their deal.
โ๐๐ก๐๐ก๐ 24, you missed the point. The bird has always been yours, I only used it for a chance to kick you in the nuts,โ says Uncle Sam as he walks back to his house, laughing.
Although Muckraker wasnโt there, witnesses say villagers used a scotch cart to carry Bra Lebona and his birds, including the one he had just won, back to his chopper.
Back in TY, Bra Lebona gathered his people to announce that the nut-kicking contest in Mantลกonyane never happened and he is still good friends with Uncle Sam. Meanwhile, he was still taking painkillers.
๐๐ก๐ ๐๐ซ๐ญ ๐จ๐ ๐ค๐ข๐๐ค๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ง๐ฎ๐ญ๐ฌ
If you think this nut-kicking story is just a silly village tale of bruised groin muscles, you need political spectacles. This is a masterclass in strategy versus naive ego.
Bra Lebona is a victim of his bloated self-importance.
While he was drooling over his bird, Uncle Sam was focused on sending him back to TY, limping and weeping.
The first kick, the reshuffle, was to show Bra Lebona who is the master. The second kick, delivered at a meeting of RFP founders, was a rude reminder that his perceived power in the party was nothing but hallucination.
The third, his firing this week, has sent him back to TY on all fours.
He will have to explain to village elders why a man he called a brother for life clobbered him like a stray dog. The people want to know why a party he claims to have founded and funded is spitting on him.
Of course, his supporters will say he wasnโt fired but just refused to accept Uncle Samโs decision.
Itโs fine and dandy if it makes them sleep well. Opinions are like buttocks. Everyone has them.
The outcome is, however, the same. He is no longer a minister.
How he left is as important as a tickey pocket, that tiny pocket on a pair of jeans.
Bra Lebona thought the millions he invested in the RFP guaranteed him power, influence and a position of his choosing in the government. He was naive.
The RFP founders told him to behave himself because his millions bought him a seat at the high table, not shareholding. He is an important guest, not an owner.
And thatโs the truth. He was invited after the Cape Town meeting that decided to form the party.
No wonder his RFP story starts with his meeting with Uncle Sam in Thailand.
He is a rich uncle who funded a wedding but wants to decide how many children the couple should have, when and how.
๐ ๐ญ๐จ๐ฒ ๐ ๐ฎ๐ง ๐๐ง๐ ๐๐๐๐ข๐ฆ๐๐ฅ๐ฌ
The truth is that Bra Lebona forgot he was renting power whose lease was only for as long as he didnโt behave like an entitled tenant.
Yet he thought he could give Uncle Sam an ultimatum to reinstate him as Home Affairs Minister. ๐๐ฆ๐๐, ๐๐ฆ๐๐, I either return to my ministry or I leave.
Muckraker knew those hollow threats would end in tears. Bra Lebona said there would be hell to pay if he counted up to ten without being reinstated.
Uncle Sam yawned and told him to start counting. Realising that he was holding a toy gun, Bra Lebona started counting slowly: 1, 1.01, 1.02, 1.03,1.04, 1.05โฆ7.01โฆ.
He was still counting by the time he was kicked back to TY.
But make no mistake. Bra Lebona is not a common Mosotho man.
He is still an MP with lots of money and pockets of support within the Revolution for Fake Prosperity. For now, he should focus on healing.
