Lisa Chidi-Njoku

16/02/2025

Dear Younger Me,
Can the Hands of Time Really Not Be
Rewound?

It still feels like a dream, the twenty years gone by. For a time that seems like forever, I have stood suspended in time, watching the nights come and hoping that with the new sunrise would come an opportunity to rewrite events. While I still look forward to a chance, I am forced to write these words to you today in a bid to lessen the weight of the burden of regret on my heart for what could have been.

As I close my eyes, I see you. My eyes quickly flutter open. Please do not get me wrong; I do want to see you, but my heart aches as I watch you dance with carefree steps in the garden of bright hopes and opportunities. As I watch you before I let the glow on your skin dim with each step I did not take because I listened to fear’s whispers. You before I took the off-path routes that altered your destination.

My handkerchief is soiled now or I would have wiped the tears and mucus streaming down my eyes and nose simultaneously. It hurts me badly to see that things turned out this way. No law can serve me a punishment worth the pain and irrevocable loss I have caused you. You, my love could have been so much more but for my influence over you.

Those tears you shed when you realised that if only I had pushed you just a little, your hands would have reached the heights they tagged “impossible” still haunt me till tomorrow. Sleep may be an escape route for some, but for me, it has become my hell. Tossing from east to west, rest eludes me as the memories replay repeatedly, just like a broken record. As terrible as that may seem, it is nothing compared to the vague and meaningless dreams that attack me when I finally steal a little sleep, leaving me with terrible headaches and different images of your tear-stained face.

One chance. If only time and life could lend me but one chance to fix it all; to relive the past, I'd fill your life with so much beauty and colour as the eyes of man have never before now, beheld. I would take every right step, and disregarding fear, seize all the golden opportunities. I would take all your unspoken dreams and weave them into a reality that causes you to laugh from your soul again.

If I could be twenty years younger again, I would be a lot more daring. No matter how a hard a task may be, I would at least try rather than give into defeat because I lost in my mind. One chance to relive it all, and never again would I settle for less because I'm too scared of my dreams. This time, like an eagle, I’d soar through the high clouds, even if I would be the only one there.

I still remember the paintings you made. The ones I squeezed and threw in the waste bin because they were unheard of; because I feared that society would judge and misunderstand me. With just one rewound of time’s hands, I would search through the trash till I find them. Then would I repaint them, only this time in more vivid colours. I'd run with these pictures without stopping or looking back, I promise.

These tears betray me, don't they? I have cried like this for many years now. Many times I have wondered what the essence of my life is anymore having misused you so. Reminding my nostrils to take in air, I have shuffled through the days, hoping for the sunset in the day and the sunrise when the night finally falls. My mistakes look me in the face and envelope me in a hug of emptiness. I dread the person I have become because of the person I didn't let you become.

Dear younger me, I know asking for your forgiveness is a daring leap in faith. Yet, it is something I have to do if I will rise from the ashes of regret, and from the mistakes of old, carve out a life and personality you would be proud of. I need you to be able to look into my eyes without hate in your lens so I can see the many desires left unfulfilled and begin to birth them, one after the other. I whimper as I recall all the times I stifled your passions.I need to look into your eyes, and in place of this forlorn look, see eyes wild with passion, just like before. Perhaps if I can only see your passion again, I would be able to have them course through my own veins as fiercely as they coursed through yours.

I know I can never truly undo the years of neglect, but I promise to carry your resilience, your strength, and your visions with me going forward. I promise now to listen to the silent songs your soul used to sing, urging you to do more; to take leaps. Even though I thought your dreams were too wild and your dreams far-fetched, now I'm ready to believe in you and run with them if only you would forgive me and help me move forward.

My words are like an endless stream but my pen’s ink fails me like I did you. With the faint ink do I make this final plea: Please forgive me and help me heal. No, I'm not asking you to forget it all; that would be more wicked an act then all I've done. I'm only pleading that when you remember, you do not curse me in your heart because you recall it with bitterness. Rather, I hope you can trust me one more time to make the future years count, living both for you and for I.

With love and regret,
Your Older Self.

15/02/2025

OUTBREAK 5

They stood in a single file facing a tall, large, pot-bellied man. He was calling people out of the file by their names and handing a folded paper to each of them. Just then,something strange happened. Just as it was Ella's turn on the file to be called up, the man suddenly turned around with the rest of the papers in his hands and began to walk into his office.

Ella could clearly see that the paper he was holding as he walked into his office bore her name. She could not understand why he was leaving. Suddenly, as though by flight, she was in front of the man, pleading that her own paper he handed to her. Without a word, the man continued on his way as though he saw no one. Then she heard herself say, "Hand me what is mine now in Jesus name!" At once, he turned around, walked up to her and gave it to her, apologizing for the delay.

Ella woke up from that dream with tongues on her lips. The night before, she had gone to bed in the middle of praying and crying simultaneously. It took her a while to realise her surroundings. As soon as she recalled the dream fully, her heart knew such peace as it hadn't known in a long while. Praises rang out from her heart through her lips to God, even as she asked for a speedy manifestation.

Getting up from bed, she looked at the mirror with a sane mind for the first time in months. She could hardly believe her eyes. Her mother was shocked in no small measure when she went to the kitchen in search of food as soon as their morning prayers were over. The girl's appetite was instantly ravenous; she just could not get enough food.

The last list was to be released the following week after she had that dream but Ella had already received her admission in heart- that's where life's events are orchestrated after all. She went about her days with intentional joy and expectancy, pushing off the doubts and questions that tempted to plague her mind.

It was then not much news to her when she saw her name under the list for admitted Radiography students a week later. To her, she had gotten it a week ago. Ella was beginning to understand how much power she wielded as a new creature. All of life and existence was subject to her in Christ. Her life was about to take on so much colour and direction with this new knowledge.

The ride only just began!

THE END.

©Lisa Chidi-Njoku

14/02/2025

OUTBREAK 4

You need to have seen the ridiculous look on Ella's face when her second attempt at JAMB resulted in an offer of admission into the department of Animal Science. She didn't even attempt to consider accepting the admission. She simply told her parents she was going to write the third time, promising them that she would accept whatever decision they made after the results from that one.

Deep down, Ella did not feel as confident as she must have sounded when she spoke with her parents earlier that day. Pacing from one end of her room to the other, she tried to assure herself that her hopes had not just been dashed. Somehow she had been expecting to get her Radiography admission despite her '214' score. Voices of distrust and unbelief were seeping into her mind. Then just out of nowhere, it began to ring like a whisper in her head: "Casting down imaginations and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God..."

Right then, she picked herself up with much effort and began to speak the word of God over herself.

Her preparations towards JAMB this third time were on a whole different level. Whilst she started studied hard, she was also very intentional about praying and declaring her victory over the exam. Ella took fear by the horns and began to trash it. Of course, her hands still shook the first few mock exams after she encountered the 'truth', but by the time she was to write the main deal again, she had gotten more confident writing the tests.

The 4th of May that year, Ella took a seat in her assigned exam centre. Tongues under her breath, she seemed to have things under control. Taking a gulp of air and clicking the 'start' button, she began. Everything was going so well, not until the mouse began to stiffen. This time, she spoke the tongues more to calm her heart than anything. She was intentionally commanding her heart to be at peace.

A scripture popped into her head that instant and she quietly declared, "I've overcome by the blood of the lamb and by the word of my testimony. You're not blanking out oo." She said this repeatedly as she struggled with the slow-responding mouse. Just then, her system hung and in a millisecond, was working again. Ella released her held breath in an "Aah" of relief and focused her thoughts and energy on answering the questions with the questions still under her breath.

She could hardly contain her joy when she saw that she had finished completely and was ready to submit yet she still had about ten minutes left. With a river of joy rejoicing bubbling up in her soul, she calmly went through her answers again and then submitted. It was such a beautiful thing for her to have been able to tell a different story to her parents that time. Expectantly she awaited her results.

When her results came out as a '303' that third time, her excitement knew no bounds. She was so sure she would get her admission, and on the merit list too. You can only imagine then, how confused and discouraged she must have been when the first list was released and she could find her name on it. By the time she scrolled the the second list without any show, she was in deflated spirits. Ella began to lose interest in everything, including food and her appearance.

Until that fateful January morning.

© Lisa Chidi-Njoku

13/02/2025

OUTBREAK 3

When Ella woke up from sleep that fine August morning, the first thought that crossed her mind was the rally from the other day. She juggled her memory for the time on the flyer. 5th of August. “That's today,” she said as she got up to go prepare for her day ahead.

By 5pm that day, Ella was seated on one of the rows of seats in Michael Okpara Square, Enugu. On arrival, she was welcomed by a session of worship and prayers, the word minister had just been called up. As they took their seats, the minister began to expound on the theme, “The Man in Christ”.

From God's concept of man at creation, to man after the fall, down to man after salvation, the man of God brought light and healing to the hearts of many. Ella listened intently. He had before mentioned that "the man in Christ has eternal life" which Ella had taken note of. But this was not the part of his sermon that clicked in her head and sparked something.

Even as she stood weighing herself in the mirror that April morning, she could still recall his words as though they were booming afresh from the speakers.

"Eternal life is the ability of God; his very thought patterns and behavioural processes."

Listening from a faraway place she had entered in her mind, a lot of thoughts began to pop up in her head. As the meeting began to wrap up in prayer, she found herself thinking aloud, "If I have the very ability of God, what is a mere computer based test before me, Ella?"

Suddenly overcome by holy anger, she began to pray.

12/02/2025

OUTBREAK 2

Left to Ellen, she was not sitting for the JAMB exams again. However, after much studying and practicing with mock tests on Ella's part, her parents insisted on her writing again.

She went into the hall that second time all giddy and apprehensive. By the time the invigilators instructed them to start, her palms were too wet to operate the mouse. With much effort, she clicked "Start". About twenty-three minutes into the examination, just after she had managed to lose a bit of the tension, the drama began.

Blacking out the first time, the computer succeeded in confirming Ella's fears and compounding her anxiety. Panicking, she called for help from the invigilators, who were able to do something to get the system back on after a while. It was of little benefit to Ella though, because in the remaining minutes of her exam time, the system flickered off and on so frequently that when it finally submitted and logged her out, she was not sure if she had utilised up to one hour of her allocated two hours.

Ella was too weak to shed any more tears by the time she got back home. With expression blank as an empty page, she narrated her ordeal to her parents. Though, deep down, Ella really wanted to study Radiography, some other part of her was ready to accept whatever course the University of Nigeria, Nsukka offered her this time. She only prayed it was something other than the Physiology she was offered after her first attempt.

In the meantime, Ella took to learning web development and programming. One of the days, as she was returning from her place of training, she noticed a slight commotion on the road. On scrutiny, she realised that it was a rally of some sort. Apparently, a program was coming up in town the week after. Although Ella wasn't one for outdoor events, church related or otherwise, she found herself straining to see the flyer. "The Man in Christ," it read. She took a mental note of the time and place.

©Lisa Chidi-Njoku

11/02/2025

OUTBREAK 1

Ella gasped as she looked at herself in the mirror that January morning. She had lost so much weight in the past month that her collar bones were now so prominent. Besides, who wouldn't lose weight if they couldn't find appetite to eat even two square meals a day.

Waking up each morning to gaze at her admission status on the JAMB portal, Ella was slowly losing interest in just about everything. For the past month since admissions started rolling in, her admission status had remained the same- "NOT ADMITTED".

The third attempt. She had resolved it would be her last.

Four years ago, none of her teachers and colleagues would have imagined that the class topper, Ella would have struggles getting admission. A number of scholarship offers were anticipated, even.

The journey all began with her first attempt a year after graduation from secondary school. She has studied assiduously and was well prepared for the exam. Her course of choice was Radiography.

The exam day arrived and Ella went in to sit for the exams. Thirty-five minutes into the two-hour computer based test, her computer blinked and popped back on. Ten minutes later, it blacked out. That was it.

Ella was as confused as hell. She called for help, did all she could yet nothing was done to remedy the situation. She came out with a 218.

The trauma from the experience left a mark on her and created a limitation in her mind such that she had never been able to surpass the 220 mark in all the subsequent mock CBT's she sat for. The image of the result from her second attempt still flashed rudly in her mind occasionally. A 214.

©Lisa Chidi-Njoku

11/02/2025

A story of facing daunting fears and casting down imaginations, "OUTBREAK" is here.

In this week, Ella is set to take us along with her, giving us a glimpse of her journey as she breaks free from the jinx of failing Computer Based Tests.

Rising from the ashes of trauma implanted by an untrustworthy system, Ella seizes her academic life by the reins and rewrites the narrative.

It promises to be an amazingly violent journey; one where the violent takes her rights in the Kingdom by force.

OUTBREAK would be dropping by 8pm every night for the next week on my page.

You want to click the link in the comment section and take a front row seat before it's 8pm😌.

10/01/2025

Disclaimer: This is not a motivational speech.

When one falls, what is the motivation to get back up? The reminder that those you started with have gone far ahead of you? The need to prove a point? The urge to stay in competition?

(Laughs slightly)

You'd get tired and fall a hundred million more times at this rate.

Dear friend, this is a tètè-a-tètè. Just you and I. So let's share the cup and spill secrets. Life won't work out smoothly if we do things this way. We'll only give into depression, self-pity, feelings of inadequacy and all what not.

Listen up. Look at me and read my lips! You compete against one alone. You decide to stand because of what you want to see this one become. You keep moving even when you're badly hurt because you know where this one is going.

That one is YOU!

Quit the s**t and cut the crap. Stop all the drama and go find YOU. Then come back and run again and see how far you go, just you against YOU.


#2025

10/01/2025

Writers' Block is the Writer's Best Friend?

“What a ridiculous idea this is!”

That was the next thought that crossed my mind after I suddenly thought about this.

Ever really wanted to pen something down but your brain and vocabulary outrightly give up on you? Been there a billion times plus one. Take it from me- that's not a beautiful place to be.

Which is why it took me quite a while to understand what this statement, “Writers’ Block is the writers best friend” meant at all. A deep breath…two…and some more, and it began to make sense.

What drives you to write the most? Your passion? A beautiful idea? What then happens when none of these show up? What becomes your motivation?

Ever noticed that the works you wrote after you struggled through a moment of writers' block are most times the best you've written in a while?

More than passion and ideas, writing is one thing that requires discipline and resilience. You, my friend, are disciplined and resilient when you insist on creating something when your brain says it has nothing to offer.

Of course you could take a walk, have ice cream, see a movie or go get fresh air. Whatever helps you calm your brain. But always come back to finish that piece that seems so tough. It's about to be your best one yet.

There's fire brewing inside of you dear writer. Release it!

18/06/2024

I was walking back home that night when I saw them - a group of three girls. Standing to the side of the garden with two enclosing the "one". I didn't understand that formation until I got close and realized that the "one" was crying profusely. My heart leaped in sympathy but I was restrained as it wasn't my place to enquire. Then, I heard one of the two enclosing her say in anger,

"How many times will this nonsense happen kwanu? A fine girl like you!"

I was beside myself in wonder when I heard, said violently in Igbo,

"Give me that phone, let me give him a piece of my mind!"

The other one of the two, the more rational one I suppose, then spoke for the first time since I began to listen in,

"Did anything happen? Like, did he tell you anything?"

The crying one replied amidst sobs,

"He didn't say anything to me...", before she continued crying.

What I deduce from this may not be the original situation that was at hand at that moment, but I want to assume that her boyfriend had either broken up with her or hurt her in some other way.

Not to belittle her pain or spite her, I felt so grateful to God for my life as I looked on at them. You want to know why?

The one who has my heart would never hurt me. A " One" who could abandon a comfort and glory such as my imagination may never express, to come down, suffer, then die shamefully, all for what?

To recover me and have me say "I love you too" truly.

It even gets more intense.

I don't accept all he afforded me through his sacrifice. I prefer the abusive relationship he came to save me from.

You'd expect that he'd give up, having done so much already. But, no!

This guy is "crazy". He chases me all the way, watching my back though I hate him. Then, when I'm just about to take that turn that'd make me a " goner"; when I'm weak and tired of my existence, he pulls me into his embrace and treats the wounds on my heart, and begins to teach me to love him.

He teaches me to walk without limping; guides me through the new experience.

This life is full of love and colour. It's an experience too surreal for words.

I was walking by again and saw one of the two hugging the "one".

Have you been hugged by the one who has my heart before?

I can't attempt to explain this!

It feels like your heart is bursting out of your chest and your body is vibrating to a sound to holy for the ears to translate!

I'll drop my pen with this.

Jesus loves you. The life in Love is worth more than everything and anything you fear you'll have to drop to embrace him.

JESUS LOVES YOU!

13/05/2024

I've been thinking a lot. As usual😌. A thought line has been crossing my mind frequently for a while now. Can I share with you? Okay, I'm going ahead.

Let me start by asking some questions.

What do you think is the reason for your creation? To fill up space or to complete number? Do you realize that the fulfillment of someone else's destiny is linked to you and your intentionality towards fulfilling the purpose of God for your life?

Do you know that there is prophecy lingering over you? Can you imagine the weight of the fact that God is depending on you for a particular major shift in your generation? Are you interested in the manifestations of the many things written in the volume of God's book about you?

Life is not a joke. It's not trial and error. Jeremiah 1:5 goes a long way to prove to you that you are not a second thought issue, neither are you the last piece produced just to complete a set. You are here because God intentionally created you. There is a vacuum you are to fill.

I don't why I'm writing this. Still, I believe that someone's life is going to be set on the right track after this message.

Be intentional about fulfilling God's course over your life. Find your purpose. Walk in it. Make Abba proud.

Seek his help in discovering and living in his purpose for you.

Abba loves you as do I.

Meet you at the top✌

11/05/2024

Ever heard of Affiliate marketing? I'm sure you have.

I gave a brief exposition on the subject on my WhatsApp status updates not too long ago, and I decided to extend the gesture to my amazing Facebook family.

First of all, I'll be outlining the questions and doubts you probably have about Affiliate Marketing.

Let's go.

✨What is affiliate marketing?
✨How do I earn from it?
✨How legitimate is it?
✨How do I join?
✨How much do I have to pay to join?

Given that it's only a brief exposition, I'll only be handling the outlined questions.

1. What is affiliate marketing?

Affiliate marketing is the process by which an affiliate earns a commission for marketing another person's or company's products. The affiliate simply searches for a product they enjoy, then promotes that product and earns a piece of the profit from each sale they make. This product can be a digital product or a real-time product.

2. How do I earn from it?

Basically, the answer to this question is in the first. Earning in affiliate marketing is majorly through commissions on sales made. Promote your product of interest, attract an audience of potential customers, get a buyer, earn your commission.

3. How legitimate is it?

There are a lot of fears and concerns with regards to affiliate marketing.
Let's simplify this.
Affiliate marketing is as legitimate as being a sales person in a physical shop. The difference here is, you do not have a stipulated salary structure. Rather, you determine your pay. You sale, you earn.
It is real. It is tested. It is proven.

Now, for the last two questions, I'd be giving a "sandwiched" answer.

✨How do I become an affiliate and how much do I need to register with?

There are many different affiliate marketing platforms. Joining the platform is usually as easy as simply signing up with the platform. In some cases, registering as an affiliate is free, while in some other cases, a token is paid.

There is one last question to consider though.

✨How do I know the best platforms to register with and how do I scale smoothly as a newbie?

You need guidance from someone who has been in the business for a while.

You need a run-to person when you're at that point of indecision over which product to promote.

You need to learn Lead Magnet Mechanisms, Copywriting, Management of Attention Span, etc.

You need to get the Affiliate Beginners Course(ABC)

"You'll come back to thank me later", is all I can say.

Access the course via the link below👇
https://aff.stakecut.com/591904/590447

Meet you at the top✌

Have you found yourself before in a situation as the one above? Or may be, you're having a similar situation that may not lead to death...