13/12/2024
HEALTY NEEDS AND UNHEALTHY NEEDS IN RELATIONSHIPS 💝💝💯💯 By Rexsolomon Kluze
Another is 'NEED FOR EQUALITY" when it comes to the domestic labor and the mutual chores and parenting regardless of how you feel about those issues. If you want to have a mutually fulfilling relationship with someone, you should care about whether or not they feel like you're equals in that department. I know, if you're both respectful, kind and vulnerable you can figure out a way to collaborate on how to make those things work for both of you.
I believe in you, how about the need for attention like I need time with you. Nobody can really feel close to someone who doesn't really want to spend time with them. You might disagree on how much time is appropriate but you're talking about making this relationship work for both of you. I mean, maybe you're not compatible with each other and that's okay. You don't have to fulfill all of their needs but is this one important for them? Are they important enough to you to figure out a way to bend in their direction? If not, then you need to ask, why do you feel like you're always the one that's bending? Do you feel like, if you bend in their Direction, you're going to be losing a part of yourself? Or maybe you're susceptible to being controlled in some way, these are very important personal questions to ask.
Are both of you feeling safe enough to explore together, maybe you have more of a need for an independent life and that's okay. If your partner feels prioritized and valued in lots of different ways, I will hope that they would be perfectly fine with honoring your need for independence by encouraging you to go off and do stuff and that of course, doesn't mean abandoning your responsibilities with your partner or family but I just hope that they could honor the fact that, in order for you to feel valued in the relationship, you need more space and that's okay. I'm not trying to turn you both into each other, I'm just trying to figure out a way you can meet each other's needs so you both feel fulfilled, maybe that's possible.
Maybe at the end of the day, either option is okay but if you want to stay together then, you have to try the first one because the reason for most break ups or fight, is usually buried in these needs. Either staying hidden or going unmet, it's as simple as that. If you really want to stop fighting in your relationship, ask yourselves, if you feel appreciated, if you feel valued, if you feel respected, I don't mean perfectly, I mean consistently, if you feel like you can trust me, if you feel safe to be honest with me, and if you feel like you can rely on me because if the answer is "NO" this is why you're fighting and I get it. You might be a trustworthy person, but your partner can't just trust you absolutely.
Sometimes, due to trauma in the past. we have our own trust issues that's something we should always remember. The way I like to think about it is this, what if it was the opposite, would a relationship work if your partner didn't take accountability or rarely, if ever apologized, would this work? If they couldn't care less, how would their behavior or words affect me. Would intimacy be possible if we didn't feel valued or respected or safe? Now, let's get in the habit of at least admitting we need certain things in order to feel close and connected to someone, and this is not wrong, it's just being a human, it's called, "MATURITY" and it helps get you the relationship that you would eventually desire, and it's important that I mention, I'm not saying that you are your partner's personal need, fulfilling machine, please you should be getting your needs met for connection and closeness and in lots of different ways, family, friends, hobbies, and our partner.
I'm saying your partner shouldn't be the only source of your needs being met but you should try to meet the ones that you can because there's certain needs that only you can meet for yourself. Your partner should always remember words like, "I want to meet those needs for my man/woman, and I believe they too would want to meet your needs as well. But what about the needs that they can't or won't meet, Terry reel has a really amazing quote on this he says, "are enough of my needs being met that I can grieve the ones that aren't, and I think, that sums up our dilemma perfectly are enough of my needs being met to grieve the ones that aren't because if the answer is yes then we grieve and we move on knowing that no relationship is going to be perfect for us but this one is good enough and we can find gratitude in that. If the answer is no, then you are not going to feel closer connected in this relationship if nothing changes. Now does that mean "leave" that's up to you but there's one thing I know, intimacy and connection require things from both of you and if you have a partner who doesn't have an interest in meeting any of those needs that I talked about, then you will continue to feel disconnected and alone in the relationship because that's simply where that path leads.
Some people choose to stay in those kinds of relationships for a lot of reasons and try to get their needs met elsewhere. Other people leave. I'm not here to say what's right or wrong for you, I am here to hopefully remind you and your partner to put actions behind your words. Don't say you love each other, if you can't have hard conversations with kindness, empathy and respect. Don't say you love each other but you're both not willing to work towards Mutual sacrifice and service towards each other and asking each other what it looks like for you to feel valued and loved in this relationship. Don't say you love each other but you're not willing to try something new when it comes to conflict and learn how to practice respectful vulnerability when this happened.
I feel like you don't care, that's not a feeling and on the flip side. You're learning how to listen and validate and practice compassionate curiosity towards the person you call your love. These things aren't optional. This is what determines whether your relationship house stand strong or crashes to the ground. These are some of the most common healthy needs.
Next coming soon. Stay blessed 💯💝🙏
