25/10/2025
EPISODE 476
STORY OF THE DAY
- Today on Tell Your Story With Quinesta
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Dear Quinesta,
Have you ever been in that confusing space where you finally get what youโve prayed for, but it suddenly feels heavy to handle?
As a young adult, I prayed to get it right once when it came to relationships. I didnโt want to date and break up over and over again. I just wanted one person, the right person.
Two years ago, I met someone at a conference in Abuja. We sat beside each other, started talking, and instantly felt a connection. We exchanged contacts, became friends, and eventually, lovers. Heโs a good man, kind-hearted, respectful, and God-fearing.
We live in different cities, so whenever I visited, I stayed in a hotel, and when he came to my city, he did the same. But last December, I visited again, and since we were already engaged and our families had given their blessings, we agreed I would stay at his place this time.
That was when I saw another side of him. Quinesta, he can not do the simplest house chores. He throws his clothes around, forgets to flush the toilet, drops his wet towel on the bed, and never washes his plate after eating. He depends completely on his cleaner and driver. If no one cooks, he simply orders food. The house can be messy, and he will just move to another clean corner without worry. He canโt even make his bed properly, just drags the duvet halfway and calls it done. If thereโs no cleaner around, he will leave things exactly as they are until someone comes to fix them. One time, I even saw a cockroach on the kitchen counter, and he just said, โI will tell the cleaner when she comes.โ
It shocked me because I grew up with four brothers, and all of them are neat and domesticated. I spoke to him about it, and his response was, โI pay people to handle that.โ Quinesta, how about flushing the toilet?
He promised to try, but Iโve been there twice again this year, and nothing has changed. Not even a little. I found myself cleaning up every time I visited, picking up after him like a child. And these thoughts keep running through my mind; when Iโm pregnant and exhausted, will he even help me? Also, what values is he going to transfer to our children?
I love him deeply, but this part of him truly irritates me. I want a partner who values cleanliness and who understands that helping out at home doesnโt make you less of a man.
Please, Quinesta, what do you advise?
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