14/02/2016
SUNDAY BEST: Valentine Special on the Intelligence of Emotions.
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE: ( )
Two key words make up our topic; emotions and intelligence. All animate objects possess some level of both. I will not ordinarily want to bore you with meaning and definitions, but a little description of our terms will be necessary as we reflect together. The concept of intelligence means many things to many people, even psychologists have no consensus definition of the term. However, for the purpose of our reflection we will simply refer to intelligence as mental acuteness/acuity. Emotional intelligence on the other hand will mean three things:
Ability of individual to recognize their own and other people’s emotions (self and other’s knowledge)
To discriminate between different feelings and label them appropriately (to know love from lust)
To use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior
A lot of human actions are determined by emotions and coordinated by emotions. The pleasure, the arousals, the mood, the attraction and repulsion, the intensity, (quality and quantity of our feelings) are all dimensions of emotions. These various dimensions have negatives and positives. Those who have been able to handle their negative sides and produce more of the positive are those we refer to be emotionally intelligent.
Pragmatically, E.I (emotional intelligence) will mean taking a second look at a spur of the moment before cooperating with that feeling.it is a way of evaluating a feeling, weighing the pros and cons, disallowing instinctive decision. Instinctive decision is only useful in a situation of danger, at that point there is no time to think. What is needed in E.I is a split second “hold on” before acting. However, split second “hold on” is difficult when emotions are already entertained. Entertaining emotion is allowing the emotional feeling to settle into your consciousness. At such times, emotions drive you and your mood is correct to you, even if it’s not correct realistically.
A split second “hold on” is not a denial that an emotion has passed through your system or a pretense that it’s no big deal, but rather it’s an acknowledgement of that moment. A split second “hold on” is acknowledging your vulnerability to that emotional feeling but also refusing to be imprisoned by it. How does one acknowledge emotions and refused to be imprisoned by it? The story of Herod, Herodias and John the Baptist (Mark 6:14-29) explains concretely our point and it is also a classic example of emotional daftness, even though Herod was also covetous and power drunk.
Herod was already married but attracted to another woman, Herodias : it is an emotional possibility that someone’s look or demeanor may catch your attention even after your marriage. It may be a co-worker, church or mosque member, gym member etc. Emotional intelligence is when, you acknowledge within you the attraction that you felt. Then you analyze the emotion, raise some questions as regards the emotions. Questions like: what do I want from him/her? S*x or companionship? If it’s just s*x, then ask if you really understand what s*x means? Is it just a game, or a spiritual affirmation of a covenantal relationship with another person? Can he/she give me that heavenly bliss I want? Do I know what lies behind that angelic look? The bible says, even the devil disguise as angel of light (2 Cor. 11:14). Is this emotion worth breaking the heart of someone whom am already committed to? Have I felt like this with someone else? Do I always feel like this anytime I see another gender? Would I always go for anyone that catches my fancy? Will I still have this feeling for another person? When you raise these questions, you are disallowing instinctive decision and emotional imprisonment (acting on impulse). You are evaluating your feelings and you are likely going to come out with a wise decision. Herod never did this and as such committed emotional blunder when he married his brother’s wife.
Herod made a promise to give anything Herodias’ daughter because he was Impressed with her dance: this impulsive and instinctive decision by Herod is a classic example of being driven by emotions. He acted on the spur of the moment and made an unguarded statement which he dearly paid for. It was obviously another emotional blunder. whereas a split second hold on would have saved the situation. Sometimes emotions are like a boiling water that cools down when it is not on fire. If Herod had given what we call “2nd thought” to his excitement, the scale of excitement and emotions would have fallen off from his eyes and he would not have made a blunder. Put yourself In that picture: Someone has fascinated you with his/her dance, walk, accent, height, looks, wealth etc? Is that all that is needed for a fruitful relationship? Will he/she dance, walk that way for you all through your life? Your beloved team has lost a match and you feel that the world should come to an end, forgetting that it is just a game and there will be another game. You have had a hot argument with your spouse, rather than walking away from the scene, you decide to get physically violent against her. Being driven by emotion is like driving a car you cannot control, down a steep hill.
Herod beheaded John the Baptist and never had peace: uncontrolled impulse leads to more aggravated error and eventually leads you to an emotional grave; denial of peace. Can your spouse use you cell phone? As it is costly to be unintelligent so it is also costly to be emotional unintelligent. When Bible says “do not give in to the impulse of the flesh” ( Gal. 5:16)) it is call for emotional intelligence because impulses are often bereft of wisdom and giving in to impulses only causes you pain. When you are driven by any of your impulses ( anger, arousal, gluttony ) without a second look, without a critical analyses of the impulse, without weighing the pros and cons of cooperating with the impulse, you are only being emotionally unwise and an emotionally unwise person, lacks peace. Happy Valentine’s..
!!!
