14/05/2025
Mr. Fisher, please post this for me in the group but don't disclose my identity.
I am a lady of 25 years old, I have been in a relationship with this guy since 2019, we met on social media (Facebook). He is 38 years old , handsome , intelligent and he speaks very well, above all, he's a loving and caring type, though, he has a lot of principles which I found no problem with. He proposed marriage to me and I accepted in April, 2022, in fact he is a dream husband man for every decent lady out there. Aside being loving and caring, he doesn't nag, he hardly talk nor complain as if anyone is going to bill him for speaking even when something is not going his way or in his favor, he chose to be silent and bear the pain than make you feel uncomfortable. I love him with everything in me, knowing him is knowing peace since I met him in 2019 after staying away from relationships for over two years because of heartbreaks and cheating from my previous boyfriend.
Yes, we met in a group on Facebook. He wrote this very comment on a post, his comment cleared the air, it was educative and inspiring that he got accolades and was celebrated by everyone who read his comment except for mine that countered his view on the subject matter, and every other persons rebuked and rained insults on my own comment on returning online after a ten minutes break except for this same guy, he never picked offense nor responded to my comment in there rather he came to my DM(Direct message) and firstly tendered an apology for not seeking permission before coming in without my permission, I consented and we got talking over my DM. He made me saw the other side of the social media and it effects towards someone's personality and in the end he urged me not to reply to those who had rained insults on me.
We started chatting often and got along with each other.
In August, 2021; I got a long vacation from my job. I am a secondary school teacher, I teach in three different renowned private schools in Port Harcourt. I and him agreed that I come to Ibadan to spend my long vacation. I went to Ibadan to spend my vacation with him, and it was awesome. He did one thing among numerous that captured my whole heart into him.
He works with a furniture company and he's a freelance writer as well. He took a week vacation from his job because of my coming over, but before his one week leave elapsed he did something that boosted my love and feelings for him the more. He made arrangements and made me took a three weeks tailoring training.
He always go for an hour break from his job daily, during his break time he buys me lunch, drives all the way from his job place around Toll-Gate on Ibadan-Lagos express way and brings it down to Iwo road for me to eat at my training place and goes back to work, he did this everyday. On one of the Fridays evening he came back from work and told me that he wanted me to meet someone over the weekend, normally he doesn't do weekend job but he requested I accompanied him to his work place the next day (Saturday) to meet with the person, he called my boss at my new training place and pleaded with him that I won't be coming for my half day training tomorrow and my boss gave a waiver.
On the Saturday morning we went to his work place, be hold, it was his boss who requested to see me. To cut the meeting story short, his boss welcomed me with respect.
On our exit from his boss's office he requested that we (I and my boyfriend) joined him and his family to a dinner that very evening after work, though when we got home I became reluctant to go out with him to the dinner but he pleaded with me that we weren't going to stay out for long since I wasn't eager to go anymore.
Lo and behold, it was a round table dinner, myself, my guy, his boss, his boss's wife who recently came in from Syria and their four years old lone daughter at Jericho Mall, if you know Ibadan too well.
It was indeed a memorable one on that evening at the Jericho Mall lounge up stairs.
His boss's wife really appreciated our presence, though it was their daughter's fourth birthday dinner. The little Angel got so homie with me and felt never to let me go. The mom pleaded we got home with them first before we left for our own house, at this point I couldn't turn down her request because of Lilah, behold it was at the almighty Jericho Apartment where they lodged for the weekend in respect to Lilah's birthday.
It was another kind of get together /garden party all together at the apartment.
Occasionally I drink, but you see my guy's boss and his wife? This couple de drink wetin no good, Kai!
Do you know that I and my boyfriend struggled over one and half bottle of this Syrian fruit wine from 7:45 pm up till 11 pm while his boss and his wife ran down four bottles of this same wine within this few number of hours.
His boss went in and made supper (unleavened bread and mixed vegetables crunchy food) we became tipsy that I and my boyfriend had multiple serve of the supper even though we never tasted such cosine before. Lol.
In fact and short, we ended up in Jericho Apartment till 4:30pm the next day (Sunday evening) before returning home. But something happened in the apartment, yeah, something very spectacular and memorable.
Aside Niah (my guy's boss's wife) gifting me with an expensive set of gold jewelry box (2 necklaces; long and short, bracelet, anklet, earrings and ten finger rings) just like the ones you see in the Zeeworld movies, I so much appreciated, he (my boyfriend) made an unforgettable love to me that night. Mind you, it was first of it kind in breaking my almost three years celibacy, yes, the temptations has been on since two weeks I have been with him in his place, but that very night, it was as if the heavens came down on me and I would see angels taking away my soul from my body.
Omg, his grips and penetrations is second to never, oh my heavenly.
Well, to cut the whole story short, we got home as the love and affections increased day after day, including every now and then.
I finished my three weeks dress making training and returned to my base, it became very tempting to go back to Ibadan.
Let I forget, before I traveled to Ibadan he wanted me to help him extend something to his Mom who was on Omugwo (early nursing) visit at his immediate older brother's place but he later changed his mind. So when I wanted going back from Ibadan he gave me something for his Mom, his brother's wife and that of the new born twin babies which I delivered to them upon my return two days after.
Something happened. His Mom is a highly sensitive and spirited personified, and a very caring woman as well.
When I got to his brother's place that evening, his family welcomed me with so much respect and love as if one Princess was coming.
His Mom cooked and served me by herself. We interacted like mother and daughter, including my supposed sister in-law. There was another younger girl that came with his Mom, I think she's her personal assistant.
I delivered the stuff accordingly.
After dinner I was ready to take my leave when it started raining heavily for over an hour, if you are familiar with Port Harcourt and it's environs very well, so his Mom insisted I slept over at his brother's place.
She ordered her P.A to go make the visitor's room-bed and joined her in the children's room when it was bedtime so I can have my privacy but I begged for she to allow the young girl to share the room with me since I'm welcomed and treated like family and mama accepted.
It was Saturday morning and I was supposed to go to the gym but mama was in the kitchen making breakfast so I had to join her since she likes making food for everyone. Don't be scared for me, I cook very well. Lol.
So, after breakfast I was ready to go home, Jerry, my boyfriend's older brother arranged an Uber for me and gave me some token cash as well.
On my way home I remembered I didn't collect Mama's cell number, I quickly called my boyfriend and pleaded he sent me his Mom's number but he laughed so hysterical at me over the phone and asked me to go back and collect it myself, well, I had no choice other than reverse the Uber and headed back to his brother's place and collected Mama's number; but something happened again, when I left the house the first time I had to put on the anklet that Chizzy's boss's wife gifted me, so when I got there the second time his Mom sited the anklet on me and she steered so intent at my leg that I became very uncomfortable all through on my way back home.
Though, I would say; wearing anklets has never been my thing, it was my first time ever. Yes, it bothered me so much recollecting on how such a caring woman looked at my leg with so much disappointment on her face seeing such thing on me, my mother would have done same thing, you know.
Please, don't blame me over such regret because if you were in my shoes as much in love I was you wouldn't feel less, I know what I am saying.
When I got home that morning I realized the saying that "when a woman is crazily in love she wouldn't mind waking up in the morning and seek permission from her mother-in-law in other to wash the house fence and mop the house rooftop.
The holiest truth is and remains that I love my fiancee so much that I would go lengthy for him in few seconds. But at this very point, I think his mother loves him more and it's becoming a cross-road kind of for me as a woman, in fact I need a wild range advice from the general public.
The very issue is that my fiancee and his people came to my home this previous December for knocking of the door (introduction) which they were accepted and was given list for the marriage rite and bride-price (dowry). In fact, on the 2nd of January he came again with his family and hid kin's men to do almost 80% of the things contained in the list except for the dowry (my bride-price) yet.
Though, he had told me earlier even before proposing marriage to me that if we're getting married that he is not going to marry his wife in the way of the foreign man rather he will marry his wife in the African ways of culture and traditions (in the real Igbo man's way) which I accepted, but I told him that aside that I will be wedded in the court of law and he consented for my sake and that of our unborn kids .
But two days after he came with his kin's men he called me and pleaded that I came with him to his village that his uncles and his Mom wanted to see me during the weekend, omg, it's supposed to be my first weekend for the year, I should clean up my apartment and do some necessary laundry and get ready for school resumption the next week, but who am I when my future God's wants to see me urgently, Nnaa, I opted in and we traveled the Friday's afternoon of that week.
We got to the village in the evening, one of his aunties came, his late Dad's younger sister, she was happy to meet me as well. Later that same evening, around 8:45pm his uncle drove in hurriedly and apologized for not keeping to time, he came with one older man that Chizzy introduced to me as an uncle from his maternal side.
His uncle brought out some colanut and drinks and offered us after a short prayer, it was a kinda semi family meeting as everyone present referred to me as "our wife to be" (Nnwa a ga alu alu) then his uncle broke the news of what he called "Acceptance Ritual", my mother-in-law to be explained that to me, how it is been done and what it represents and I accepted doing the ritual, though it was a bit difficult one for me but I loved my fiancee and was ready to jump his height at his command. He gives me joy and attention as well deserve.
My mother-in-law to be brought out a bottled water and a wooden cup (mpi) and two peices of plain white cotton material. It was 11:55pm , she asked me to go in and change into the plain white material without any underwear and come out for the ritual, I went in, wrapped one from my upper chest down to my ankles then wrapped one round my head without reviling any strand of my hair. She dressed same way and came out. My fiancee, his aunt and his uncles seated as we carried out the ritual.
His Mom gave me the bottled water to examine it genuine, if it's been broken seal, I confirmed it still intact and she asked me to unsealed it and pour some little water into the mpi and rinse it and I did accordingly.
She placed the mpi in my two stretched out palms and poured water into it till ring point. His maternal uncle made some incantation (prayers) shortly as the rest of them stretched their right hands towards me and made declarations of blessings, my mother-in-law to be collected the cup of water as she drank little out of it, she gave it back to me and asked me to drink half of it and give the remaining to my fiancee, and I did as she instructed. Chizzy drank the remaining water in the cup and he assisted me to stand up from where I knelt down before him, it was about thirty minutes past 12am in the night.
Then my fiancee' paternal uncle told me that I had passed the first phase of the ritual that I am half way welcomed into the family.
His aunt told me that the second phase of the ritual will be in twelve (12) weeks time that I should prepare my mind for that which is bigger and more tasking, and I inquired the process and implications and she told me that at the next and final phase myself, my fiancee'Mom and my fiancee would bath together in the open compound in the middle of the night (3:00am) before the ancestors and after the bath, later in the morning the three of us will prepare a pot of my favorite food together which only the three of us would eat half of the food and the other half be served to the Gods (my late supposed father-in-law and the rest of his ancestors) for their blessings and guidance. They said it is called Ite Aja Omumu Na Beluso Di'm (Ritual pot of fertility sanctity and fidelity).
Please, at this point I'm not just scared but I am confused about the whole thing at the same time.
Should I continue with the marriage or should I quit, what's your advice?
It is no longer funny to me and four (weeks) have gone already.
Your urgent advice is needed, please.
NB: Please this is a very sensitive matter to her, no insults, just your sincere opinion and advice is needed as she has pleaded.
If you don't have something nice to say about somebody just shut up! of blessed memory.
©️ FishersLens
