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Animation Story, Lagos (2025)

28/07/2025

EPISODE 8: “THE DAY I DRANK WATER FROM SHOE AND SAID THANK YOU!”

You see hunger and thirst? NDA go humble you till you dey negotiate with mosquito for airspace.

This day na w@r. We march for 7 hours under sun wey resemble angry god. No break. No water. No hope. Na only leg movement and insult full everywhere.

My tongue dry like person wey leak chalk. I whisper give my guy, “Omo, if I no see water now, I go drink sweat.”
He look me, shake head, say, “You never suffer reach.”

Few minutes later, one senior cadet shout,
“Who be this one wey dey stagger like fish wey forget how to swim?!”

Na me.
Next thing, him pull off him jungle boot, bend am like pure water sachet, and pour one tiny drop of water come out.
He say, “Cadet, if you dey thirsty, drink.”

My pride wan talk, but my throat say shut up.
I collect the boot. Na inside boot I drink water.

I swear, as I swallow am, I shout, “Sir, thank you, sir!”
E no sweet, e no fresh… but e be like life enter me.

That day I realize say, dignity no dey when dehydration hold you like NEPA wire.

One recruit faint after me. Them wake am with koboko breeze.

Later that night, I sit down dey reason life.
Na NDA make you appreciate the little things — like clean water, and the ability to walk without hearing, “YOU! GIVE ME 300 SQUATS FOR BREATHING TOO LOUD!”

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Next episode? The one where I nearly entered guardroom because I greet wrong person! 🫣

28/07/2025

Episode 4: “I Almost Resigned Because of What I Heard During Night Duty”
If they told me that being a police officer would involve chasing shadows in the middle of the night, I would’ve chosen to sell popcorn in traffic.

Let me paint the picture.

It was my first ever night duty. The DPO said we should "protect the community from armed robbers and unknown gunmen.” In my mind, I was ready for action. I imagined myself rolling like in Nollywood movies — torchlight in hand, whispering "move in!" like FBI.

We got posted to an abandoned area in the outskirts of town — no streetlight, no humans, just one empty public school and a church that hadn’t rung bell in 5 years.

I was with two other officers — Musa, who can sleep standing, and Bala, who chews groundnuts like it's oxygen. At 1:13 a.m., I heard it.

A soft whistle.

Not the normal whistling. This one was inside my head. But when I turned, Musa whispered:

“You hear am too?”

I nodded, heart racing.

We moved quietly toward the source — a broken classroom with shattered windows. As we approached, a plastic chair inside suddenly fell on its own. I swear on my police belt — nobody was inside.

I froze.

Bala whispered, “Dem say this school build on top cemetery.”
That’s when I knew resignation wasn’t a bad idea.

Suddenly, a shadow passed near the church wall. I screamed, dropped my baton, and ran. I didn’t even know my fat legs could move that fast.

Musa followed. Bala stayed behind, yelling,
“Ghost no dey fear baton, but I go still flog am!”

The next morning, our DPO asked for a report. I told him:

“Sir, nothing to report… except that the spirits are still active in Zone 4.”

He laughed for 3 minutes. Then he said:

“Welcome to Nigerian policing. Your real training just started.”

Reflection:
Sometimes, it’s not bullets or bribes that test a Nigerian police officer. It’s the things we hear — when nobody is talking.

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👉 Follow the page — you don’t want to miss Episode 5: “The Time I Got Mistaken for an Armed Robber in My Own Uniform!

27/07/2025

EPISODE 7: “THE DAY I SLEPT STANDING LIKE ELECTRIC POLE”

You never sabi real tiredness until your body dey stand, but your soul don clock out go sleep.

That day ehn, I swear, if dem measure my stress level, e go pass generator wey no get oil. We just return from 12km endurance trek with full combat load — rifle, helmet, water bottle wey no get water, and mosquito bite wey dey pursue me like say I borrow dem money.

As we reach base, we think say dem go allow us rest. Na lie! One staff sergeant just shout, “Attention! Parade dey begin now-now!”

My leg shock. My brain protest. But who you wan complain give? Na NDA — complaint na part of training.

We stand under sun wey hot pass frying pan. My eyes dey open but my spirit don leave me. Bros, I dey sleep while standing! Like say na mumu wey dem tie rope, I dey wobble small small. One recruit for my back whisper, “Guy you dey dream?” I say, “I dey dream say I dey my mama kitchen dey chop rice.”

Next thing I hear: “Who be that recruit wey dey do mannequin challenge there?!”
Na me. Dem drag me comot for line. I do squat till I forget my surname. My leg swell like e dey protest too.

But na that day I learn say resilience no be grammar. Na when your body give up, but your will say, “No retreat, no surrender!”

Moral: If you fit sleep standing, you fit face life.

🔖 Make you no miss the next episode, e go sweet like soaked garri during harmattan.

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27/07/2025

The fulani herdsmen 2 ゚

27/07/2025

Things that happen in Nigeria. the herdsmen ゚viralシ

26/07/2025

Confessions of a Nigerian NDA Clown
Episode 6: “I collect frog jump till my shadow begin limp!”

You see that early morning parade? E no dey start with alarm o —
It starts with somebody shouting your surname like they born you inside siren!

5AM sharp. Cold wey fit freeze destiny.
Before you say “Good morning,” one voice go land:
“CADET KALU, REPORT FOR PUNISHMENT!”

Wetin I do?
I march yesterday with left hand instead of left leg.
No be mistake — na dem confuse me with all their “left-right-left!”

Senior shout,
“You think say this na choreography?! Frog jump to Zaria and come back!”

My guy, I jump sotay my knees start vibrating like generator wey no get oil.
Ground be like hot pepper — and I no wear socks.
Even mosquito respect me, dem no bite person wey don suffer.

One cadet beside me fainted mid-jump.
Instructor say, “Help am stand first before him spirit go salute us!”

Dem say NDA go build you…
Na true.
E build my kneecap into block.

But you know wetin shock me pass?
After all the frog jump, they still say make I go fetch water from parade ground to bathroom. With bucket. On my head.

Who I offend for this life?

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Support this madness so I go continue this my trauma series 😭💪🏽

Next episode go madder.
Wait till you hear wetin happen when I mistakenly wear my senior’s boot! 😩🫣

26/07/2025

Episode 3: “I Arrested a Yahoo Boy Because I Thought He Was a POS Agent”
If someone had told me that I’d arrest the wrong person because of free Wi-Fi and fine perfume, I would have slapped them for overthinking.

That Tuesday started like any other — hot sun, long road, and my stomach whispering betrayal. My duty post was under one mango tree in Ikeja, with a bench, two sachets of water, and a traffic of tired Lagosians.

Around 10:45 a.m., a white Lexus pulled up beside me. The driver was a young guy — maybe 22 or 23 — dark shades, iced wristwatch, and wearing Gucci like na his grandfather get the factory. He leaned forward, smiled confidently and said,
“Officer, good morning. You need anything?”

I blinked.

There was something angelic about his voice. He even had a small speaker playing Burna Boy gently, and I could smell Creed perfume from the driver’s seat.

“Ah, this one na correct boy,” I thought. “Maybe he runs a big POS business.”

I asked:
“Where you dey go?”

He answered with a grin:
“To service my clients. I dey drop money and pick balance.”

My head did a quick backflip.

That phrase — "drop money and pick balance" — sounded like advanced Yahoo vocabulary to me. My ears perked. My hunger disappeared. I stood straight like Inspector Gadget.

I called my colleague:

“Dayo, we go interrogate this boy small. Him words dey suspicious.”

We brought him out politely, asked for his ID. He brought out a business card: “Crypto Strategist | Forex Coach | Real Estate Flipper.”

At that point, I was 99% sure I’d caught a big fish. My chest expanded.

But five minutes later, as we were preparing to es**rt him to the station, one jeep zoomed in. A woman jumped out — furious.

“Officer, what’s the meaning of this nonsense?! That’s my nephew! He works with my fintech company. We just raised $2 million in funding!”

Everywhere froze.

Turns out the guy was legit. Even had verified Instagram. I, Bobo — aka Corporal Wrong Move — had just profiled Nigeria’s next tech millionaire as a fraudster because he was smelling nice and using English too confidently.

As we apologized, the guy offered me something:
“Take this ₦5k for your water. I know say uniform life no easy.”

I didn’t take it.

Not because I’m righteous — but because I was too embarrassed to lift my hand.

Reflection:
In this job, the line between criminal and genius is sometimes just Wi-Fi speed and fragrance.

👉 Follow the page so you won’t miss Episode 4: “Why I Nearly Quit After Night Duty With Ghostly Sound!”

25/07/2025

Episode 5: “I greet senior without kneeling — dem nearly reset my life!”

I just finish washing 14 bucket of dirty socks wey fit cure malaria, dey waka go parade ground with small joy inside my heart.
As I waka pass, I see one senior wey I no recognize — him uniform too fresh, e resemble new Naira note.

Me, in the spirit of respect, just smile and say,
“Good morning sir!”

Biggest error since Judas betray Jesus.

The senior stop.
Turn slowly.
Look me from head to toe like person wey wear camouflage go nightclub.
He say,
“Clown, come back here. You greet me like we be age mate?”
I say, “No sir!”
He say, “Then why you no kneel down?”
I shock.
Kneel for greeting ke?

Before I even explain, he shout:
“10 push-up for each letter in ‘Good Morning Sir!’”
Na so I start maths wey I no bargain for.

As I dey press push-up, he still dey count wrong:
“One for ‘Good’, five for ‘MORNING’, twelve for ‘Sir’, seven for the audacity.”
I just accept fate.
Because for NDA, every action dey get punishment and follow-come insult.

After that, he say make I go pick leaf for parade ground.
I say, “But sir, na sand dey ground.”
He say, “Then pick the imagination of the leaf. You dey form smart abi?”

I bend down, dey pick air like mad man wey dey harvest breeze.
Other cadets dey pass dey laugh with eye, because if dem laugh with mouth, na joint punishment for all of us.

After all the humiliation, he say,
“Next time, greet with humility or don’t greet at all.”

As I crawl back to barracks, one senior whisper,
“Na so dem build us. Small by small, civilian spirit dey die.”

I say,
“This spirit no just die — e don relocate.”

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Next Episode: “My shoe shine no reach, dem say I no fit represent Nigeria!”
Stay tuned as I face judgment day over dusty boot and how I almost miss parade because of shoe polish wahala.
NDA no dey joke with shine!

25/07/2025

Episode 2: If Dem Tell You Say Na #50 Go Spoil My Name, You Go Believe?
"If dem tell you say na ordinary #50 go make me nearly enter cell wey I dey guard, you go think say na joke!"

That morning na checkpoint duty. Sun hot like say NEPA dey roast heaven.

I position well with my pot belle and whistle. I dey wave cars like politician wey just win election.

One driver stop — Corolla, dusty like e run from Sambisa. I go the usual line:
“Anything for your boy?”

Oga give me only #50. I hold am, smile, and wave am go. As him dey drive off, one anti-corruption van wey I no notice near corner zoom come.

“You just collect bribe! We see am!”

Before I fit defend myself, dem don carry me enter van like bag of rice. One officer inside ask:
“How much he give you?”
I say:
“Na #50. I think say na pure water money…”

Dem burst laugh — but I know say laugh no mean freedom.

Dem drive me reach station. As I dey explain give DPO, my belle dey sing national anthem. DPO look me from head to waist, sigh, and say:
“You go return the money and write statement.”

I shout:
“Oga, make I write say wetin? Say I collect #50 as appreciation for standing under sun?”

Dem leave me after one senior officer recognize me from NYSC camp — na so God save me.

But from that day, I no dey collect anything wey pass greeting and prayer.

Moral:
For Nigeria police, sometimes na government neglect, sometimes na bad egg, but sometimes na innocent fat man wey just dey find garri!

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➡️ Follow the page for more episodes!
Next one go mad — when I mistook a Yahoo boy for POS agent. 😩💀

24/07/2025

Episode 4: “Dem barb my head with blade wey dull, say na tradition!”

That morning, dem tell us say we go collect “official cadet haircut.”
I say okay, maybe na sharp lowcut with style.
My guy say, “No worry, NDA barbers sabi.”

LIE! NDA barbers no dey cut hair — dem dey commit scalp genocide!

We reach the “barber shop” — na one open place with four plastic chairs, one bench, and three barbers wey look like prison wardens.
Barber carry clipper press my head like he dey do woodwork.
Clipper dey shout “kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkrrraaaakk” like chainsaw.
I talk say, “Oga abeg, e dey scratch.”
He say, “Scratch your destiny! You dey here to suffer, not shine!”

As dem barb me finish, my head be like boiled egg wey fall for sand.
I check mirror, I scream.
My skull don show map of Africa and bloodline of stress.

I talk say, “I no go gree!”
One senior hear am say,
“You dey complain? You never reach level where dem go barb your eyebrow join.”

That evening, mosquito land for my bald head and just dey skate like e dey enjoy smooth highway.
Another cadet head shine so much, sun bounce back go blind one lizard.

But as usual, we gree suffer with style.
We gather for night parade, 32 bald heads line up like beans for market.

Instructor waka pass us, look our heads say,
“Good. Now una resemble recruits. No more fine boy here.”

That night as breeze dey blow for my empty head, I tell myself — if I survive NDA, I fit survive life inside pepper soup.

If you laugh, cry or even feel this story for body, abeg:
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Next Episode: “I chop punishment because I greet senior without kneeling!”
Catch how common “Good morning sir” almost send me to frog jump hospital.
NDA na bootcamp of madness and manners!

23/07/2025

Episode 3: “Dem flog me for laughing, but I still chop bread like hero!”

If laugh na sin, then that day I commit full-blown abomination!

We dey under hot sun do drill — “Attention! At ease! Left turn! Right turn!”
Our instructor resemble angry lion wey dem collect meat from.
Every small mistake, him shout,
“Do frog jump till your ancestors dey proud!”

One short cadet for my back miss one step and fall like fried yam.
Him land with sound: PWAHH!
My brother…
I try.
I swear I try.
But small chuckle escape my mouth.

Biggest mistake of my life.

Instructor turn sharp.
“You dey laugh?”
I talk, “No sir.”
He say, “Then laugh well.”
Na there he command me:
“50 frog jump with smile on your face! If you frown, I add another 50!”

Imagine frog jumping under Kaduna sun, smiling like wedding MC wey no collect balance.
By frog jump 22, my smile don resemble spiritual attack.

Another cadet wey cough collect “invisible slap.”
Dem say e interrupt national order of movement.

After the drill, dem assign punishment:
I go wash toilet for Alpha block.
Toilet wey resemble war zone!
One cadet don write on the wall: “If you survive this, you fit survive Sambisa.”

As I dey scrub WC with brush wey no get bristle, one senior pass and shout,
“Clown! You go still laugh?”
I say, “No sir!”
He say, “Then sing while scrubbing!”
Na so I begin remix national anthem into toilet-cleaning version.

But guess wetin?
That night, kitchen staff mistakenly cook extra bread.
Guess who dem dash the bread?
Me! The toilet clown!

As I bite that hot bread with small groundnut, tears drop from my eye.
Not pain tears o…
Tears of survival.
I whisper to the bread:
“You no go understand wetin I don go through today.”

Next Episode: “Dem shave my head with blade wey dull, say na tradition!”
Get ready as I share how my scalp nearly roast because senior say “freshers no deserve fresh hairline.”
NDA dey barb both head and pride.

Animation Story

28/07/2025

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