
10/05/2025
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Chapter 6: Or**sm Isn’t the Goal
Destigmatizing Performance Pressure
We’ve been taught that s*x must reach a climax that it only counts if there’s a final release, if someone "finishes," if both people explode in unison like in the movies. But what if we unlearn that? What if we stepped into a space where pleasure didn’t need to be proven?
Or**sm has become a pressure point. A ticking clock. A silent expectation that turns a moment of connection into a race. And when that or**sm doesn’t happen or doesn’t happen “the right way” we feel like we’ve failed.
But intimacy is not a competition. Your body is not a machine. Your partner is not a stopwatch. There is no scoreboard in the bedroom.
S*x is about connection, not completion.
When you remove the pressure to perform, to come on cue, to moan just right, to make your partner climax or else you create room to actually feel. To actually breathe. To actually be with each other.
When the goal isn’t or**sm, every moment becomes the goal.
The brush of skin. The warmth of lips. The gentle inhale before a kiss. The stretch of time where nothing needs to happen except being wrapped up in each other.
There is freedom in letting go of pressure and that freedom creates better s*x than any climax ever could.
#. Multiple Waves of Pleasure
Instead of chasing one big high, what if you surrendered to the smaller, deeper waves?
Pleasure is not linear. It’s not a straight path to a single explosion. It’s a spiral, rising and falling, softening and building, peaking and returning.
Your body holds the capacity for multiple waves of pleasure, gentle pulses that move through you like heat, like water, like breath.
It could be the slow spread of warmth in your thighs when your lover strokes you with intention. The tingle in your chest when they say your name in a whisper that feels like a vow. The wave of goosebumps when their lips brush the back of your neck.
These are or**sms, too, just in different languages.
And sometimes, those waves rise and fall without a final peak. Sometimes, the energy builds, and then melts back into softness. That’s not a failure. That’s s*x as art. That’s pleasure as a presence. That’s your body teaching you how to feel beyond the climax.
When both of you release the need to “finish,” you start to notice the beginning again. You begin to explore the terrain of each other’s pleasure with curiosity instead of expectation.
It becomes a dance, not a destination.
#. Deep Touch vs. Quick Release
Fast s*x has its place, the kind that’s wild and messy, where passion takes over. But when every s*xual experience becomes about getting off quickly, we lose the magic of deep touch.
Deep touch is about intentionality. It’s about slowness. It’s about the way your partner's hand rests on your lower back before sliding around your waist. The way their lips pause before kissing your inner thigh, not to tease, but to worship.
It’s the soft press of the palm against your chest as you breathe together. The grounding hold of arms wrapped tightly around you mid-thrust not just to stimulate, but to anchor. To remind you: you’re safe. you’re loved. you’re here.
Quick release is often about release from tension. But deep touch invites you to sit in it to feel the ache, the build, the burn, the stretch. To let pleasure expand inside you, slowly. Deeply. Soulfully.
And ironically, when you let go of the goal... that’s when the body surprises you. That’s when the real ones, the ones that make you cry or laugh or tremble show up uninvited. Because the body only truly opens when it’s not under pressure.
It wants to be felt, not judged. Held, not rushed. Loved, not demanded of.
Let Intimacy Be the Destination
The next time you touch, or kiss, or simply lie next to each other, ask yourself what would happen if we didn’t try to reach the peak? What would happen if this moment this exact breath was enough?
Pleasure isn’t just in the climax. It’s in the slowness, the presence, the heartbeat between your bodies. It’s in the journey of discovering what turns you both on emotionally, spiritually, energetically not just physically.
Let pleasure come in all its forms and let or**sm be a gift, not a requirement.
Because when s*x becomes a space for exploration, not expectation, the possibilities for connection become limitless.