31/03/2025
*HOW TO RAISE AND DISCIPLINE CHILDREN ISLAMICALLY WITHOUT USING THE CANE OR ROD*
Islam encourages a balanced and merciful approach to raising children, emphasizing love, patience, and wisdom over physical punishment. The Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) was the best example of this, as he never hit a child, a woman, or a servant. Instead, he taught through kindness, understanding, and discipline based on guidance rather than fear.
Here are Islamic and practical ways to discipline children effectively without resorting to the cane or rod:
1. Lead by Example (Qudwah Hasanah)
Children learn more from what they see than what they are told. If parents display patience, honesty, and good manners, their children will naturally adopt these qualities. The Prophet (ﷺ) said:
"The best of you are those who are best to their families." (Tirmidhi)
2. Use Love and Affection
Show children that you love them, even when correcting them.
Express disapproval with a serious tone instead of harshness.
Hug them, make dua for them, and let them feel valued.
The Prophet (ﷺ) used to kiss his grandchildren, and when a man questioned this, he replied:
"Whoever does not show mercy will not be shown mercy." (Bukhari)
3. Teach Through Stories and Gentle Advice
Share Quranic stories and Hadith that teach good behavior.
Explain why something is wrong instead of just forbidding it.
Use parables, just like Luqman advised his son in Surah Luqman (31:13-19).
4. Communicate and Listen
Instead of shouting, talk to children calmly and listen to their concerns.
Ask why they misbehaved and help them find better ways to express themselves.
The Prophet (ﷺ) gave importance to dialogue, even with young children.
5. Set Clear Rules and Expectations
Children need boundaries, but they must be clearly explained.
Teach them what is allowed and what isn’t, using positive reinforcement.
For example, instead of saying "Don’t lie!", say "Allah loves those who tell the truth."
6. Reward Good Behavior Instead of Just Punishing Bad Behavior
Praise and reward them for good deeds (with words, hugs, or small gifts).
The Prophet (ﷺ) encouraged positive reinforcement, as seen when he praised Abdullah ibn Umar for his sincere intention to pray at night.
7. Use the "Time-Out" Method (Hijrah Approach)
When a child misbehaves, withdraw privileges instead of hitting.
The Prophet (ﷺ) once distanced himself from three companions who disobeyed in the Battle of Tabuk, teaching them a lesson through isolation, not beating (Surah At-Tawbah 9:118).
A short "time-out" allows children to reflect on their actions.
8. Make Dua for Your Children
Always pray for their guidance and well-being.
Prophet Ibrahim (AS) made dua for his children (Surah Ibrahim 14:40).
Avoid cursing them, as angry words can have lasting effects. Instead, say:
"May Allah guide you."
"May Allah make you righteous."
9. Be Patient and Consistent
Children will make mistakes—it’s part of growing up.
Consistently remind them of good manners without becoming overly frustrated.
The Prophet (ﷺ) spent 23 years teaching Islam with patience and wisdom.
10. Encourage Islamic Identity and Self-Discipline
Teach them about Taqwa (God-consciousness) so they behave well even when not watched.
Encourage them to love Salah, Quran, and good company.
Reward them when they make efforts to improve.
Disciplining children Islamically requires wisdom, patience, and a deep understanding of their emotions. The best discipline is one that nurtures their hearts, not just controls their behavior. By following the Prophetic model, parents can raise righteous, confident, and responsible children without resorting to harsh physical punishment.
