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We love Reading, Jos (2026)

19/08/2026

What if everything you believe about your past is a story you’ve invented to justify your current unhappiness? What if the "trauma" you carry isn't a chain, but a tool you are using to avoid the risks of truly living? The Courage to Be Disliked is not a conventional self-help book; it is a brutal, liberating dialogue between a cynical youth and a wise philosopher that dismantles the foundations of your worldview. Drawing on the radical psychology of Alfred Adler, it argues that you are not the victim of your history, your genetics, or your circumstances. You are a prisoner of your own choices. This book will make you uncomfortable, it will challenge your deepest excuses, and it will give you the ultimate superpower: the freedom to be exactly who you are, regardless of what anyone else thinks. If you are ready to stop begging for validation and start living for yourself, this is the final stop on your search for meaning.
Seven Lessons from The Courage to Be Disliked

1. Trauma does not determine who you are. Most psychological theories focus on the past—the "what happened to me" that explains who I am today. Adlerian psychology rejects this entirely. It posits that there is no such thing as trauma; there is only the *meaning* we choose to give our past experiences. You are not defined by your hardships; you are defined by the goals you have set for yourself right now. If you stay unhappy, it is because you have subconsciously decided that staying unhappy serves a purpose—perhaps it keeps you safe from the risk of being hurt or rejected.

2. All problems are interpersonal relationship problems. Whether it is professional stress, family conflict, or feelings of inadequacy, almost every source of human unhappiness stems from our interactions with others. We spend our lives comparing ourselves to people, seeking their approval, and worrying about our status in their eyes. The book argues that all unhappiness is the result of trying to live up to the expectations of others. When you realize that your internal struggles are actually just conflicts regarding how you relate to other people, you can begin the work of detaching your self-worth from those relationships.

3. Separate your tasks to find true freedom. This is the core "operating system" of the book. Every situation involves a "task"—a responsibility. The key to sanity is asking: "Whose task is this?" If someone is angry at you, their anger is *their* task, not yours. You cannot control their reaction, so trying to manipulate it is a waste of your energy. You are only responsible for your own choices and actions. By clearly drawing this boundary, you stop taking on burdens that don't belong to you and stop letting others interfere with your own choices.

4. You must have the courage to be disliked. The desire to be liked is a deeply ingrained human instinct, but it is also a form of enslavement. If you live your life to gain the approval of others, you are effectively letting them steer your life. The philosopher in the book argues that true freedom comes when you accept that some people will not like you, will not understand you, and will judge you. The moment you are okay with being disliked, you stop walking on eggshells and start acting with total, authentic autonomy.

5. Happiness is the feeling of contribution. If you are constantly looking for external validation (success, praise, money), you will never be truly happy because those things are finite and depend on others. True, sustainable happiness comes from a "contribution to the community." This doesn't mean being a martyr; it means having a sense of worth that comes from knowing you are useful to others. When you stop asking "What can I get?" and start asking "What can I contribute?", you shift from a state of anxious self-consciousness to a state of calm, outward-focused purpose.

6. Don't live for "what might happen" in the future. We often treat the present moment as a waiting room—a place we have to endure while we work toward a goal in the future. We put off living until we are thinner, richer, or promoted. Adler calls this a "life lie." You must view your life as a series of "dances" rather than a journey toward a destination. If you are dancing, you are fully present in the moment, enjoying the movement. You don't dance to get to the end of the song; you dance for the joy of dancing. Live as if this moment is the final culmination of your existence.

7. Self-acceptance vs. self-affirmation. Many people try to force themselves to believe they are better than they are—self-affirmation. But if you have a deep-seated insecurity, "telling yourself you're great" feels like a lie. Instead, aim for self-acceptance. This is the act of looking at your weaknesses and limitations and saying, "This is who I am right now, and that is okay." Once you stop wasting energy trying to hide your flaws or pretend you are perfect, you gain the clarity and humility required to actually improve. You stop trying to look capable and start becoming capable. After wrestling with these radical ideas, which part of your life do you feel you are currently "living for others" instead of yourself, and what is one small way you could start practicing the "separation of tasks" in that situation?

Book/Audiobook: https://amzn.to/3QKXaT1

You can access the audiobook when you register on the Audible platform using the l!nk above.

19/08/2026

In a world that demands you be constantly "on"—constantly productive, constantly connected, and constantly worried—true peace feels like an endangered species. We are drowning in the static of modern life, treating our frayed nerves with more scrolling and more caffeine, wondering why the anxiety only deepens. The Little Book of Calm by Dr. Aaron Balick is the antidote to the noise. It is not about escaping your life or finding a remote mountain to live on; it is about reclaiming the quiet, steady center that already exists within you, even in the middle of a storm. This book is a masterclass in psychological resilience, offering small, sharp insights that act as anchors. If you are tired of feeling reactive and want to move through your day with a sense of grounded, unshakeable stability, this is your companion.
Seven Lessons from The Little Book of Calm

1. Calm is a skill, not a personality trait. The most important lesson is that calm is not something you are born with—it is something you practice. Many people believe that they are simply "anxious people" by nature and that they have no choice but to be stressed. Dr. Balick argues that calm is a muscle. By intentionally engaging in behaviors that lower your heart rate and settle your nervous system, you are essentially training your brain to choose peace over panic. You don't "have" calm; you "do" calm.

2. Learn to observe your thoughts without being their servant. You are not your thoughts, and you are not obligated to follow every frantic "what if" your brain generates. A central theme of the book is the practice of cognitive distancing—learning to watch your thoughts pass by like clouds in the sky. When you identify as the observer of your thoughts rather than the participant, the sting of anxiety loses its power. You can acknowledge an anxious thought without letting it dictate your mood or your actions.

3. The body is the gateway to the mind. When we are stressed, we try to "think" our way into calm, but our minds are often the last things to settle. Dr. Balick emphasizes the importance of using the body to influence the mind. Simple physical interventions—deep, diaphragmatic breathing, unclenching your jaw, or even just feeling your feet on the ground—signal to your nervous system that you are safe. When the body relaxes, the mind is forced to follow. Never underestimate the power of a deep exhale to stop a panic spiral in its tracks.

4. Create "pockets of silence" in your day. Modern life is designed to fill every gap with input. We listen to podcasts in the car, check emails in the line for coffee, and watch videos while we eat. This lack of silence keeps our brains in a state of constant, low-grade arousal. Balick argues that you must ruthlessly curate pockets of silence. Even if it is only five minutes, these moments of sensory deprivation allow your brain to decompress and reset, preventing the accumulation of stress that leads to burnout.

5. Distinguish between real threats and imagined fears. Much of our anxiety comes from applying "survival" logic to situations that aren't actually life-threatening. We treat a rude email or a looming deadline with the same physiological intensity as our ancestors treated a predator. Dr. Balick teaches that you must constantly perform a "threat reality check." When you feel the heat of anxiety rising, ask yourself: *Is my life in danger right now?* Often, the answer is no, which allows you to dial down your fight-or-flight response and approach the problem with a cool head.

6. Acceptance is not the same as giving up. There is a common fear that if we remain calm, we will lose our "edge" or fail to address the problems in our lives. Balick clarifies that true calm involves radical acceptance—the ability to look at a difficult situation exactly as it is, without the distortion of your own panic. Acceptance isn't saying, "I like this." It is saying, "This is happening, and I have the capacity to handle it." By accepting reality as it is, you save an incredible amount of energy that you would otherwise waste on fighting the unchangeable.

7. Cultivate your "internal support system". You don't have to carry the weight of the world alone, but the primary person responsible for your well-being is you. Calm comes from knowing that you have your own back. Dr. Balick encourages you to treat yourself with the same kindness and patience you would offer a loved one in distress. When you develop a self-compassionate relationship with your own struggles, you create an internal sense of safety that is immune to external chaos. You become your own harbor. After reflecting on these strategies for stabilizing your inner world, which specific situation in your life currently triggers the most "unnecessary" panic, and how could you apply the "threat reality check" to it tomorrow?

Book/Audiobook: https://amzn.to/4v1HZmh

You can access the audiobook when you register on the Audible platform using the l!nk above.

19/08/2026

We are often told that we are born with a certain amount of intelligence, a specific personality, and a set of character traits that define who we are. We build our self-esteem around being "the smart one," "the talented one," or "the natural." But what if this belief is the very thing holding you back from your potential? In Mindset, Dr. Carol Dweck shatters the myth that our abilities are fixed at birth. She introduces a psychological framework that explains why some people thrive in the face of massive obstacles while others crumble at the first sign of failure. This isn’t just a book about "positive thinking"; it is a map for rewiring your brain. If you have ever felt stuck, feared looking foolish, or wondered why your hard work didn't yield the results you expected, this book is the key to unlocking a version of yourself that is constantly evolving, learning, and expanding. Seven Essential Lessons from Mindset

1. The divide between Fixed and Growth Mindsets. The cornerstone of Dweck’s research is the distinction between the "fixed" and "growth" mindsets. A fixed mindset assumes that your qualities—intelligence, talent, creativity—are static traits. You are either "gifted" or you aren't, which leads to a constant need to prove yourself. A growth mindset, however, is based on the belief that your basic qualities are things you can cultivate through dedication and effort. In a growth mindset, your starting point is merely the beginning, not the destination, and your potential is an unknown, exciting variable waiting to be developed.

2. Failure is information, not an indictment. When you hold a fixed mindset, failure is seen as a verdict on your personality: "I failed, therefore I am a failure." This makes the prospect of struggle terrifying, causing you to avoid challenges to protect your ego. Conversely, those with a growth mindset view failure as a vital data point. It is simply information about what didn't work and what needs to be adjusted. By detaching your self-worth from the outcome of a single attempt, you gain the courage to try things that are difficult, which is the only way to achieve mastery.

3. Effort is the path to mastery, not a sign of weakness. Society often peddles the idea that "if you’re really talented, it should be easy." This is a dangerous trap. It suggests that if you have to work hard, it means you aren't naturally capable. Dweck flips this logic: effort is the fuel that turns talent into skill. Without effort, your natural potential remains just that—potential. In a growth mindset, working hard is not a sign that you are lacking; it is the essential process of growing your brain’s capabilities.

4. The danger of praising "intelligence" or "talent". We often think that telling a child or a colleague they are "so smart" is encouraging. Dweck’s research shows the opposite: it is actually limiting. When you praise someone for their traits, you are reinforcing the fixed mindset. You teach them to fear future challenges because they might "lose" their status as the smart person. Instead, you should praise the process: their strategy, their focus, their persistence, and their improvement. This reinforces the idea that their results are a product of their actions, not a permanent attribute of their identity.

5. You can change your mindset at any age. One of the most heartening aspects of the book is the evidence that mindsets are not set in stone. You are not "stuck" with a fixed mindset simply because you grew up with one. Through awareness and deliberate practice, you can identify your "fixed-mindset triggers"—the moments where you feel threatened by criticism or anxious about potential failure—and consciously replace those thoughts with growth-oriented ones. You can learn to catch yourself when you are acting out of fear and choose to act out of curiosity instead.

6. Feedback should be viewed as a tool, not an attack. For someone with a fixed mindset, criticism is a personal assault; it feels like an attack on their inherent nature. As a result, they become defensive and ignore constructive input. In a growth mindset, feedback is a gift. It is an objective perspective on how to improve your performance. By detaching your identity from your output, you stop trying to "defend" yourself and start trying to "develop" yourself, using the insights of others to refine your approach and speed up your learning curve.

7. Success is about outperforming your former self. We often measure success by comparing ourselves to others: "Am I the smartest in the room?" "Am I doing better than my peers?" This is a zero-sum game that breeds resentment and anxiety. A growth mindset focuses on internal progress: "Am I better today than I was yesterday?" When you stop using others as your benchmark and start using your own growth as the primary metric, you gain a sense of satisfaction that is internal and sustainable, rather than one that depends on the fluctuating opinions or achievements of others. After understanding the difference between believing your abilities are "fixed" versus "grown," can you pinpoint a recent situation where you avoided a challenge because you were afraid of looking incompetent, and how would you handle that same situation differently now?

Book/Audiobook: https://amzn.to/44v9uKc

You can access the audiobook when you register on the Audible platform using the l!nk above.

19/08/2026

We have been raised to believe that the intellect—the cold, hard logic of IQ—is the sole gatekeeper of success. But look around: the world is littered with brilliant people who cannot hold down a job, maintain a relationship, or navigate a room without setting it on fire. Daniel Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence shattered the status quo by proving that your IQ is only half the story, and arguably the less important half. This book is the definitive autopsy of why some people soar while others stall. If you have ever felt that your own intelligence is being sabotaged by your reactions, your temper, or your inability to read the room, this book is the manual for re-wiring the software of your own behavior. Read it to stop being a prisoner of your emotions and start using them as the strategic tools they were meant to be.

1. The Two Minds: Rational vs. Emotional. Goleman introduces the concept that we have two minds: one that thinks and one that feels. While the rational mind is deliberate and analytical, the emotional mind is impulsive and lightning-fast. The key to intelligence isn't suppressing the emotional mind; it is learning how to harmonize the two. When you understand that your emotions are a separate operating system, you stop being "hijacked" by them and start noticing when your emotional response is overriding your rational judgment.

2. Self-Awareness: The Cornerstone. The bedrock of emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize an emotion as it happens. Most people live in a state of "emotional illiteracy," where they feel a surge of anger or anxiety but cannot name it or track its source. By practicing self-awareness, you create the distance necessary to see your feelings as passing events rather than absolute truths. Once you can name your emotions, you can manage them, preventing them from dictating your behavior in the heat of the moment.

3. Managing Your Own "Hijacks". We all experience the "amygdala hijack"—that moment when an emotional surge is so powerful it shuts down your prefrontal cortex, leading you to say things you regret or make reckless decisions. Goleman teaches that while you cannot always control when an emotion hits you, you can control how long it lasts and how you act on it. Through techniques like mindfulness and cognitive reframing, you learn to step back, take a breath, and let the initial surge pass before you react.

4. The Power of Empathy. Empathy is not just "being nice"; it is a cognitive and emotional radar system. It is the ability to read the unspoken cues—the tone of voice, the micro-expressions, the context—of the people around you. In a professional or social setting, empathy is a massive competitive advantage because it allows you to anticipate conflict, negotiate more effectively, and lead with influence. If you cannot understand what the other person is feeling, you are navigating the social world with one eye closed.

5. Managing Relationships through Social Skills. Social skill is "empathy in action." It is the ability to manage the emotions of others to achieve desired outcomes. Whether you are leading a team or navigating a difficult marriage, the person with the highest emotional intelligence is the one who can best regulate the emotional tone of the interaction. This involves active listening, conflict resolution, and the ability to be both assertive and sensitive, creating a social environment where others feel understood and motivated.

6. The Role of Motivation and "Flow". Goleman links emotional intelligence to high-level performance through the concept of "flow"—the state where you are so engrossed in your work that you lose track of time. People with high emotional intelligence are better at managing their own internal states to reach this zone. They don't just rely on external motivation; they cultivate an internal drive that allows them to push through boredom, frustration, or failure. Their ability to remain optimistic in the face of setbacks is what keeps them in the game longer than their peers.

7. Emotional Intelligence is Learned, Not Fixed. Perhaps the most empowering lesson in the book is that, unlike IQ, which remains relatively stable throughout your life, emotional intelligence can be improved at any age. It is a set of skills—self-regulation, empathy, communication—that you can train like a sport or an instrument. By consistently practicing these habits, you are literally changing the architecture of your brain. You are not stuck with the emotional patterns you inherited; you are entirely capable of re-engineering them. Between managing your own internal reactions and mastering the ability to read others, which side of emotional intelligence feels like the bigger challenge in your day-to-day life?

Book/Audiobook: https://amzn.to/4oFbx7X

You can access the audiobook when you register on the Audible platform using the l!nk above.

19/08/2026

Wealth is often viewed through the narrow lens of luck, inheritance, or ruthless exploitation, but the reality is far more mundane and achievable. The ultra-wealthy don't necessarily possess a secret talent; they possess a distinct set of rules that govern how they view, handle, and grow money. Richard Templar’s The Rules of Wealth is the ultimate primer for the "wealthy mindset"—a psychological blueprint that demystifies financial success. If you are tired of struggling to make ends meet and suspect that your relationship with money is the primary barrier to your prosperity, this book is the key to breaking that cycle. It doesn't promise "get rich quick" shortcuts; it provides the timeless, disciplined habits that separate those who survive from those who truly thrive.

1. Wealth is a Choice and a Mindset. The most fundamental rule is that wealth is not merely an amount in a bank account; it is a way of life and a state of mind. You must first decide to be wealthy. This sounds simple, but it is deeply profound—it means stop treating money as a source of stress and start treating it as a resource to be managed. If you view yourself as "poor" or "struggling," you will continue to make choices that reinforce that reality. The wealthy mindset begins the moment you stop waiting for money to happen to you and start taking full ownership of your financial trajectory.

2. Learn to Love the Process, Not Just the Result
Many people are obsessed with the idea of being rich but despise the work required to build wealth. Templar emphasizes that the process of creating wealth—saving, investing, planning, and learning—must become a source of satisfaction itself. If you only focus on the end goal, you will inevitably look for shortcuts that lead to disaster. When you enjoy the discipline of building your portfolio, the results become a natural byproduct rather than an elusive target, making your success sustainable and consistent.

3. Spend Less Than You Earn. This is the oldest rule in the book, yet it remains the one most frequently ignored. The wealthy don't get there by spending money they don't have to impress people they don't like. Templar explains that true financial independence is built on the gap between your income and your outgoings. If you are constantly living at or above your means, you are essentially borrowing your future to pay for your present. Wealthy people prioritize long-term security over immediate status, understanding that every dollar saved is a seed for future growth.

4. Understand the Difference Between Assets and Liabilities. You must learn to distinguish between what puts money in your pocket and what takes money out. A car, for example, is a liability that depreciates and costs you money to maintain; an investment, however, is an asset that works for you. The wealthy spend their lives accumulating assets—things that grow in value or produce income—while the middle class spends their lives accumulating liabilities. To build wealth, you must prioritize buying items that increase your net worth rather than things that merely inflate your lifestyle.

5. Take Responsibility for Your Financial Education
Expecting your employer, the government, or the school system to teach you how to be wealthy is a recipe for failure. Templar argues that financial literacy is your personal responsibility. You must take the time to learn about tax laws, investment vehicles, interest rates, and the mechanics of business. If you don't understand how money works, you are essentially handing your financial future to someone else. The more you know, the less risk you take, and the more leverage you gain.

6. Think Long-Term and Avoid Impulsivity. Wealth is a slow build, not a sudden explosion. Most people fail because they want instant gratification, which makes them susceptible to get-rich-quick schemes or impulsive spending habits. The wealthy think in decades, not in paychecks. They are willing to make sacrifices today to build a massive foundation for tomorrow. This long-term thinking protects you from market volatility and emotional decision-making, allowing you to stay the course even when times are tough.

7. Give Back to Ensure Circulation. Wealth, when treated with hoarding mentality, loses its vitality. Templar suggests that part of the "rule of wealth" is understanding that money is a form of energy that needs to circulate. By being generous—whether through charitable acts or supporting those who help you—you cultivate a mindset of abundance. A closed, hoarding fist cannot receive anything new. Generosity not only helps others but also reinforces the belief that you have enough, which in turn attracts more opportunities for growth and prosperity. Between the discipline of saving more than you spend and the necessity of investing in your own financial education, which area feels like your biggest obstacle to becoming truly wealthy right now?

Book/Audiobook: https://amzn.to/4oHcXPp

You can access the audiobook when you register on the Audible platform using the l!nk above.

19/08/2026

People Change (also published as Things Left Unsaid) by Sara Jafari is a work of contemporary fiction, not a self-help or non-fiction book. Because it is a novel about two characters—Shirin and Kian—navigating their twenties and rediscovering their relationship after a decade apart, it does not offer "lessons" in the traditional sense of a business or philosophy book.
However, the narrative is deeply insightful. Below are seven thematic lessons that emerge from the characters' journey, which reflect the human experience of growth, race, mental health, and the complexities of adulthood.

1. The Past is a Ghost, Not a Blueprint. Shirin and Kian reunite after ten years, and much of the story's tension stems from the "weight of everything left unsaid" during their teenage years. The novel teaches that while our past shapes us, we cannot use it as a static map for our present. The people you knew at sixteen are not the same people in their twenties. Trying to force a current relationship to fit an outdated version of who you once were is a recipe for stagnation; you must allow others—and yourself—the space to have evolved.

2. Radical Honesty is the Only Path to Real Intimacy. The reason Shirin and Kian drifted apart was largely due to the things they kept buried. Jafari explores how silence in relationships often feels like protection, but it actually acts as a barrier. The lesson is that true closeness requires the bravery to voice your deepest fears, secrets, and vulnerabilities. Without that transparency, you are merely interacting with a projection of who you think the other person wants you to be, rather than engaging with who they actually are.

3. Mental Health is an Individual and Shared Journey People Change offers a delicate look at depression and the disillusionment that can color your early adult years. The characters struggle with their internal worlds while trying to perform the "expected" version of adulthood. The book illustrates that mental health isn't a solitary burden you should shoulder alone, nor is it something that can be "fixed" by someone else. True healing comes from the balance of taking personal responsibility for your well-being while allowing yourself to be supported by the people who truly understand you.

4. Identity is Complex and Fluid. Navigating life as a first-generation British-Iranian, Shirin’s identity is a central thread. Jafari portrays the "fragmented personhood" that can come from straddling different cultures. The lesson is that your identity is not a fixed point, but a process. You don't have to choose between your heritage and your current environment; you have the right to be all parts of yourself, even when the world tries to fit you into a convenient box.

5. Perfectionism is a Barrier to Living. Many of the characters' anxieties stem from the pressure to have their lives "sorted" by their mid-twenties. The novel poignantly captures the "hazy, messy era" of early adulthood. The takeaway is that there is no deadline for self-discovery. By letting go of the need to have a perfect, linear path, you can actually start enjoying the process of becoming. Stagnancy isn't caused by a lack of progress; it's often caused by the fear of being anything less than perfect.

6. The Necessity of Speaking Up
The novel touches upon the insidious nature of racism in school, work, and social dynamics. A powerful lesson woven throughout is the importance of using your voice—individually and collectively—to challenge these structures. Silence, while sometimes a survival mechanism, eventually becomes a weight that holds you back. Speaking up is not just about changing the world around you; it is a vital act of reclaiming your own dignity and power.

7. Time is the Ultimate Tool for Healing. Second chances are a central trope of the book, but they aren't presented as magical fixes. Jafari shows that time is what gives us the perspective to understand our mistakes and the maturity to rectify them. The lesson is to be patient with your own timeline. Some things can only be healed or understood after enough distance has passed. If you are currently in a "messy" phase of life, recognize that this time is not wasted—it is the raw material from which your future self is being constructed. Given that this novel explores the messy, uncertain transition into adulthood, which of these themes—revisiting the past, navigating personal identity, or dealing with the pressures of your twenties—resonates most with where you are in your own life right now?

Book/Audiobook: https://amzn.to/43Qwkf9

You can access the audiobook when you register on the Audible platform using the l!nk above.

We love Reading

19/08/2026

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