22/07/2025
CARRYING MY PAIN IN SILENCE, UNTIL IT ALMOST CARRY ME AWAY. True life story!
I just got back home, still trying to process everything that happened tonight.
I left the house around 11 am for work, even though I’d been quietly telling a few close people that I wasn’t feeling well. They didn’t really believe me maybe because I kept laughing and carrying on with my usual tasks, as if nothing was wrong.
After closing from work, as usual, I passed through Layin Siyar da Mashin to see my friend. We met, prayed Magrib together, and he offered to take me home on his bike. On the way, I confided in him my girlfriend had been complaining lately that I didn’t care about her, that I was avoiding her. I told him that no matter how bad I was feeling, I needed to see her, even if just briefly.
When we got to her house, we greeted each other. She looked at me and said, “Ya KWANA BIYU, ya TAWAYE.” I just stared at her silently. After a few minutes, I began feeling uneasy and looked for somewhere to sit. I thought she’d understand that, on a normal day, I’d never just sit like that without saying much. My voice still sounded fine, and there was nothing on the outside to show how sick I really was.
My friend left, and she suggested we go sit in our usual spot. I hesitated for a moment I just wanted to catch my breath before standing up. When I finally did, my vision blurred, and she didn’t notice. Before I knew it, I stepped right into a gutter. Somehow, we managed to reach the bench. She cleaned my leg, and I helped her finish cleaning it.
I didn’t want to tell her I was sick but something in me kept saying that if she’s truly the one I want to spend my life with, she should at least know what I’m going through. Even if it hurt her.
So I started talking, with a faint smile, telling her how cold I felt, how dry my hands had become like paper. I even joked, saying maybe I might die ne. She touched my neck and quietly said, “Even your body feels so cold.”
Moments later, I told her I was going home. I could tell she was upset, though she tried to hide it. I asked her to get up so we could leave, but she refused until I stood up first. Even then, she took her time. When I said “SAI DA SAFE,” she didn’t respond. I walked away.
When I got back to Shinge, just as I was about to enter the house, my body felt worse. Still, I decided to stop by a shop to buy sugar, since I knew we had run out this morning. At the shop, I stood for about four minutes, waiting in line. Suddenly, I felt something strange inside me a kind of irritation and darkness I couldn’t explain.
I tried telling the shopkeeper to help me and give me sugar, but nobody seemed to hear what I was saying. Around 10:05 pm, I collapsed and fainted. When I came to, I heard someone speaking in Hausa: “Yanzu da fitan rai ne, saide fa mu kai gawa gidan ku. Sannu kaji malam, Allah kara lafiya.”
I whispered Ameen, took the sugar and other items, and headed home.
As I entered, I didn’t even notice that my brother’s wife, Aunty Haseeyah, was outside waiting for me. She and my mother had been together earlier before my mother went to her room. I told her what had happened, and she was shocked.
I’ve been sick for months now, yet I keep pushing myself through my daily routine, just to convince myself and others that I’m not lazy. I never like to complain about my situation to just anyone.
I have enough medicine, and since this sickness started two months ago, I’ve been in constant consultation with healthcare professionals and buying the drugs they prescribe.
But death… death is inevitable. None of us can outrun it. There’s no cure, no hiding place. When our time comes, we must answer the call of our Creator.
Ya Allah, kasa mugama da duniya lafiya. Ameen ya Hayyu ya Qayyum!
❤️ SAMEER NASIR
