19/06/2026
The Argentine midget was busy scoring doubles upon doubles upon doubles for Inter Miami, and we were on our knees every weekend begging for just one hat-trick.
We pleaded.
We negotiated.
We even told him, “Oga, stop being Mr. Nice Guy for once and keep the third goal for yourself!”
We reminded him that we desperately wanted him to overtake Ronaldo on the all-time scorers list for very important Sheygey reasons. But did Messi listen? Not at all.
Every single time he’d get to two goals, he’d suddenly remember he had teammates and gift them the easiest tap-in you’ve ever seen. It was like watching someone refuse free jollof rice.
Herh… it was frustrating.
Little did we know the tiny Argentine was simply saving all the hat-tricks for football’s biggest stage.
And where was the next World Cup? Right in his backyard. America. The whole country ready to witness the madness.
Then boom!
Opening match.
Three goals.
No penalties.
Two absolute rockets from outside the box.
At 38 years old.
One week away from turning 39.
At this point, I’ve accepted that Messi operates on a frequency beyond human understanding. Like the universe itself, you don’t question him—you simply observe and be grateful. Every time people think they’ve figured him out, he writes another script nobody saw coming.
Don’t be shocked if he casually drops two more hat-tricks at this World Cup… again… for purely Sheygey reasons.
And when next you eat your food or drink your water, pause for a second and appreciate how blessed you are to witness Lionel Messi in your lifetime.
Thank you, Argentina 🇦🇷, for sharing this beautiful gift with the world.
The football community remains forever grateful. 🙏😂
