02/05/2025
When I got newly married, I felt utterly frustrated. In fact, I cried every single day after our wedding, wishing I had never tied the knot.
My husband, on the other hand, seemed blissfully happy. But why wouldn’t he be? When I am a woman with exceptional cooking skills, a meticulous home caretaker, and a devoted partner in the bedroom. This made me feel cheated and bewildered.
For the first month, he was genuinely concerned about my relentless crying.
“Sweetheart, what is the matter?” he would ask, his voice laced with worry.
“I am not happy,” I would reply, tears streaming down my face.
“Why, my love?” he would gently lift my chin to meet his gaze. “Is it me?” His eyes searched mine, pleading for answers.
“I don’t know,” I would continue, sobbing, as he comforted me until I drifted off to sleep. On some days, he would surprise me with thoughtful gifts or order in my favorite meals, desperately trying to soothe my sorrow.
At first, these gestures worked, but soon, I became inconsolable.
I would watch my husband laughing and joyfully chatting with his friends over video calls, and I would burst into hot, anguished tears. It became so overwhelming that my constant crying led to debilitating migraines.
“Why is he happy when I am so sad?” I would whisper to myself, drowning in despair.
One day, I decided to spend a weekend at a mentor’s home.
My husband didn’t even ask for details; he dropped me off with an unsettling cheerfulness.
“Why are you so happy while dropping me off?” I asked, annoyance creeping into my tone.
“I’m happy because I think you’ll find joy there,” he replied, his smile unwavering.
I was displeased with his response but left anyway.
Upon entering my mentor's home, I found her husband engrossed in a football match, shouting and cheering with unrestrained joy.
“These men, ehn,” she said happily, clapping her hands. “Look how thrilled my husband is for a team that doesn’t even know their fans!”
Her husband heard her and leaped to his feet to embrace her.
“At least I’m a fan of a woman who celebrates my happiness,” he said, planting a tender kiss on her cheek.
I was taken aback, watching in awe. My husband was fond of yelling and screaming at home during football matches, which annoyed me. Yet here was my mentor, reveling in her husband’s excitement.
“Come here, dear. I’ve prepared a meal for you,” my mentor beckoned warmly.
As I took a spoonful, a tear slipped down my cheek, and she noticed it instantly.
“What’s wrong, my darling?” she asked softly.
“My husband hasn’t called me,” I replied, my voice trembling.
“Is that why you’re crying?” she asked, smiling gently. “Wasn’t he the one who dropped you off? Don’t you think you should be the one calling him to check if he got home safely?”
For a moment, I was lost in thought, but then clarity washed over me.
For the first time, I realized that my tears were not entirely justified.
The next day, a Saturday, we all lounged at home.
For most of the day, the husband and wife enjoyed each other’s company without needing to be involved in each other’s activities. He was on the phone, laughing heartily with friends, while she immersed herself in her delightful crafts.
I was amazed at how they thrived together, radiating happiness without the need for constant interaction.
They didn’t have children of their own, yet they seemed content, both alone and together.
As night approached, I asked to speak with her privately. She led me to her cozy study.
“Ma, how are you so joyful despite your husband being preoccupied with his own activities? Aren’t couples supposed to be together, sharing the same experiences?” I asked, curiosity bubbling within me.
She let out a warm laugh. “My dear, marriage is not a prison. It’s a space where two unique individuals can enjoy each other’s company, whether they’re engaged in the same activities or not. The ability for couples to find joy independently and together is what makes marriage truly blissful. And, of course, I’m talking about happiness that doesn’t lie beyond the boundaries of marriage.”
At that moment, I understood I had been seeing things all wrong.
I had thought my husband and I needed to be doing everything together at the same time to be happy. I wanted him to focus solely on me to validate his love.
“Don’t be so hard on yourself. I was once in your shoes, but ever since I realized that marriage isn’t about imposing your own terms, I’ve learned to enjoy it more. That’s why it’s crucial to find yourself before entering into marriage.”
I left her home feeling like a brand-new person.
Once I returned home, my husband immediately noticed the change in me. Unlike before, he now invited me to share in the activities that brought him joy.
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Thank you for reading, "Partners not Prison Mates" by Prisca Popoola. Do drop your thoughts below.
Written by PRISCA POPOOLA
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