30/03/2026
The Yorùbá Culture of Greeting, Respect, and Public Conduct
In Yorùbá culture, when you see your elders, you must greet them one after the other before taking your seat at any gathering or event. Greeting is at the very center of our culture. Anyone who greets respectfully and consistently is referred to as an Ọmọlúàbí (Ọmọ tí Olú ìwà bí). We give deep respect to our senior colleagues and to those who are older; everyone knows who their mates are. When you are quarreling with someone, and you greet everyone else in public except that person, it does not reflect well on you. People may even begin to feel sympathy for the person you deliberately avoid. It is better to greet everyone, including the person you are having issues with.
As a Yorùbá woman, if you are older than I am and we are experiencing a misunderstanding, I will still greet you, especially if you are someone I respect deeply. I will continue to greet you until you openly tell me to stop. The moment you say it, I will gladly stop greeting you. If we later reconcile and you want the greetings back, you may not appreciate the way I will greet you, because it will be more intense than ignoring you. That is how some people have to be managed.
If you are my mate or younger than I am, even if we are quarreling, it does not mean I will refuse to greet you when I see you in public. I will still greet you. It is a test that reveals a person’s true character. Some people fail this test because they refuse to respond but that is their own concern. Their behavior clearly shows they are aláṣejù baba àṣetẹ́.
Sometimes, I intentionally greet certain aláṣejù in public so that they can expose their true behavior before others. Greeting someone during a misunderstanding does not mean the conflict has ended; we can continue addressing the issue privately. But if I greet you publicly and you refuse to respond, it will never hurt me, because you have shown the world exactly what I wanted them to see.
I have learned that when you are angry, you must keep your anger out of public view. Gbogbo aṣọ kọ́ là ń sá lóòrùn (not every piece of clothing should be taken outside to dry). Yet we do not all behave the same way. Some people cannot hide their anger, even for a moment. Still, we should strive to compose ourselves when many eyes are watching. At the very least, respond to greetings in public, especially when the person greeting you is showing respect. Disagreements should be handled privately.
There are certain things you should never display in public. You can greet someone you are not on good terms with and still keep your distance. Ayé ò le, ènìyàn ló ṣòro. Let us avoid behaving like aláṣejù baba àṣetẹ́. Àṣejù àwa obìnrin pọ̀ jù. Ó yẹ kí abìfun ràìràì pa ìfun rẹ̀ mọ́.
Sometimes, a ò nílò láti fi ìbínú ṣòfò. You do not waste your anger on someone you can easily distance yourself from. Greet them and move on.
Ojú ò lè ti adìẹ tó gbókùn sọ́rùn, ẹni tó fà á dání lojú á tì.
People may try to shame you in public, but the shame often returns to the one who caused the trouble. Some greet loudly in public to expose you, but an Ọmọlúwàbí will respond calmly and hide their anger.
I also understand that people react differently when they are angry. Some can control themselves in public; others cannot. Those who fail to hide their anger are often seen as harsh or wicked, and people begin to describe them negatively. Whatever you display in public may be used to judge you for a long time. Ẹ jẹ́ kí a ṣe pẹ̀lé. Igbá pẹ̀lẹ́ kì í fọ́, àwo pẹ̀lẹ́ kì í fàya. Pẹ̀lẹ́ pẹ̀lẹ́ lejò ń gàgbọn. Ẹ̀sọ̀ pẹ̀lẹ́ larẹ̀wà ń rìn.
30/03/2026
