11/08/2026
*PLEASE TAKE A RETROSPECT, AND ENJOY YOUR New week FULL OF LOVE šš©·*
š If you think that today's love messages are romantic, wait till you read this one from 1962! š š
*They say old-school love was pure... but after reading this letter, you'll realize it also came with grammar that could confuse a dictionary. š¤£*
Community Grammar School,
P
Dear Sugar of My Heart,
With unlimited joy, immeasurable happiness and extraordinary excitement, my humble pen has decided to perform acrobatic gymnastics upon this glorified sheet of paper.
I sincerely hope you are floating peacefully in the ocean of good health. As for me, I am marching majestically in the boulevard of wellness while my heartbeat continues to mention your beautiful name every blessed minute.
Ever since my two biological eyes captured your angelic appearance, my cardiac engine has refused to operate normally. Whenever you smile, all the chemicals in my anatomy hold an emergency meeting, and my medulla oblongata begins to misbehave.
My dearest honeybee, permit me to confess with absolute sincerity that I love you beyond the calculation of mathematics, the measurement of geography and the explanation of biology. Even my English teacher cannot define the magnitude of my affection for you.
Whenever you pass by my classroom, my brain automatically forgets algebra, arithmetic and even simple spelling. My classmates believe I am solving equations, not knowing that I am busy calculating the probability of becoming your future husband.
If anybody tells you that I am exaggerating, kindly inform him that my love is scientifically proven, geographically approved and historically documented. This is neither hyperbole nor onomatopoeia but a practical demonstration of genuine affection.
Your previous letter produced excessive jubilation inside my thoraxial cavity. It transformed my gloomy atmosphere into a paradise of continuous exhilaration. My appetite multiplied, my sleeping capacity increased and even my handwriting became more handsome.
Please, I passionately beseech you not to lease your magnificent heart to any competing gentleman. Kindly reserve it permanently for my humble personality. If any young man approaches you with sweet words, politely notify him that your heart has already been occupied.
As I conclude this extraordinary epistle, I shall continue praying that Heaven will cement this glorious relationship until old age separates us from our walking stick.
Finally, always remember that your headache is my headache, your happiness is my happiness, your laughter is my breakfast and your success is my daily vitamin.
Remain ever radiant, sleep peacefully and don't allow the mosquitoes to disturb your beautiful complexion, because even they may fall in love with you.
Goodbye for now.
Your obedient servant in the Ministry of Love,
Your Pillow, Your Cushion and Your Butter on Bread,
Prime Ekene
(Class 3B)
Only the 60s, 70s and early 80s generation will truly appreciate this level of romance. š Indomie generation, una no go understand? š¤£
