10/01/2024
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Deeply she breathe in. She bit her lips hoping she won't feel pain, but the was pain, reminding her she's still on earth.
Tears flush down heavily from her oceans, and she couldn't help but wail.
A mighty hostile had befall her.
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6 hours ago:
"Fountain of light International college
Royal Gate Estate, Uyo, Akwa ibom state.
The Managing Director, Executive Director, Principal, Vice Principal, Teachers, Esteemed Parents, Our Wonderful Students and Audience; my most delightful honour and greetings to you all.
On behalf of the student of this great college, i, Maria Udeme, is here to give a speech on โ the Sheer Needs of the Students from the School and from their Sponsors, on this occasion, the International Children's day, 27th May, 2018.
It is not surprising that many children are in need from those who are in position to help, but can't vocalise this demands simply because they feel it won't be considered, or because of the rough existing relationship between them and those they need help from.
Most of these needs aren't financially backed to satisfy.
Needs such as Social assistance, Emotional education, Self belief, career choice education, boy-girl relationship advice etc are what children of our generation are looking up to our leaders today to help them with.
But since mediums hasn't been set up to help them relate these needs, they cower them inside and live by, with their own make up knowledge โ which itself is filled with confusion and untrue conclusions.
This affects... effects are ah.. hindrances education, has they unable to fo..focus for with... for learning..."
OK this is what she meant;
"This effect is what hinders educational success, has they are unable to focus for learning with a bag of dilemma inside."
In just few seconds, she was wondering why everywhere was so quiet. She realised she was the only one speaking and all eyes were on her.
It was a great speech she wrote.
She has been noted as an excellent writer in her school, but she had poor presentation skills โ not that she doesn't wish to present, or doesn't knows how to make good presentations.
But she grew herself into being shy and overly reserved due to inferiority complex.
Yes, grew. Cause she didn't grow up shy, though reserved.
Perhaps this challenge is what earned her the post of an Assistant Senior Prefect and not a Senior Prefect despite her academic excellence.
Her great speech began to dwindle at this point.
The audience had to beat themselves to consciousness to be sure they aren't dreaming the words they were hearing. Some had to give extra attention incase they weren't hearing well.
She was paying attention to all the mistakes she's pronounced, instead of just reading on.
She was mindful of the fact that the whole school were before her, and that the Principal who vouched that she could do this and persuaded her to, was just watching her.
And as an ASP this wasn't just shame, this was disgrace.
Half way into the reading, she was able to control the temporal stammering and read well till the end.
But however, the harm has been done. Her name will be sung and danced by students for at least a week. And they will greet her "...Senior", but with a smile of "we still remember what you did ."
After her presentation, she walked out of stage and out of sight, hoping she could just disappear back to the room she woke from that morning, praying to God that could present perfectly today.
โAnd that, was just her problem. She was a perfectionist.
But her hopes didn't come true, she was called severally for other works and duties, and this was primarily because the SP was absent due to some sickness.
"Maria," the principal called her, and with his arms over her "OK so you did well, please take this files to the ED for me."
Other teachers called her for assistance and no one else other than the principal mentioned anything about her performance.
Perhaps because they were used to that.
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Present time:
Again she vowed as always, that she will never accept a presentation.
But how is such vow supposed to be kept when she had accepted to be ASP. Will the SP alone be doing all the presentations till their tenure is over?
She cried her best till she was exhausted.
The many times she had poorly presented was just before the students in school. Never had she presented before patents and a host of audiences.
Just there, at the corner of her bed to the wall, she said to herself; "well Maria, it your ordeal. Own it and live with it, I mean what can you do. It is what it is ."
And just as she was about to slide to sleep, a thought came to her mind; "Who told you its your ordeal, when did it ever become yours that you need to own it?"
She wondered for some minutes, and recalled how that in her Primary school, as the School Prefect, she used to lead perfectly and present in front of parents on behalf of students and the school.
So many issues contributes to her present condition. But what she landed on is that she had made this become her problem.
She remembers how other student would make mistakes while giving a presentation, but won't even dwell on it. Few minutes later the same student will be shouting and playing around with mates.
Her case was different cause she called it her problem. She diagnosed herself of it and for long, hasn't been able to find the right cure.
This night was different. She was tired of having an unhappy life due to something she knows deep down she can beat off.
"If i can write well why should speaking be hard," she said to herself.
She knew she has an assignment to work on for herself. But what she concluded on was that nothing will ever cause her to be unhappy and depressed, and to cry the cry of a widow.
She had a paradigm shift, and that was that, she has chosen to be Happy. And to not recognise herself as something God doesn't recognises her as.
She for the first time, had the best night sleep ever, after such a usual depressing cry.
She realises somehow in her heart, that just the acceptance to be happy had made her happy.
When she started crying some 3 hours ago, she never thought she would go to bed smiling.
