EllieK, Oslo (2025)

25/07/2025

One of many struggles 🏳️‍🌈
I feel like this became so apparent when we became pregnant and had our twins. Not only is it not possible, but just her becoming the legal mom to our children is whole ordeal, even in Norway. It still is really hard in this pregnancy. Thankful of how far we’ve come, aware of how long we have left.
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23/07/2025

Week 29☀️🍓
The heat wave, check ups and visit from 🫶
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22/07/2025

So what happens now?
6 months after their death I first wrote this text, and at that point I saw light at the end of the tunnel. Now, 18 months without them, I can confirm that everything doesn’t hurt all the time anymore, but I still cry about my loss from time to time, and miss them very much. Someone described grief to me as a stone you have in your pocket… In the beginning it’s pointy, heavy and you constantly feel it. But gradually it becomes softer and rounder because we keep touching it. It also feels lighter, because we become stronger. That resonates with me.

We decided against a grave, but had our sons return to us as diamonds we cast from their ashes💎
They are currently being finalized.
Until then, we have hung pictures of them, along with the stuffed animals that are as big as them, and their hand and footprints too. I’m working to keep their memory alive, and also to help others in the situation we felt was hopeless. I hope I make them proud of their legacy and memories they have left behind.
They live on with us, and with all of you who now know their names.

Lennox and Henry💙
Our own Brothers Lionheart. See you in Nangijala🍒

What else? It may feel scary to move on. But “there are things you have to do, otherwise you’re not a human, just a piece of dirt”.
I am now pregnant again, with one child. It’s terrifying; but we would like to become a family with living children, and we want to give the boys siblings❤
And that’s what I share here on my channel!
With the courage I’ve gotten from my sons, and from all of you following and supporting me here.

And you know… it’s possible to be happy and sad at the same time🦋

And please, remember the three steps so that we can go back to taking care of each other more; being joined as one and being kind to each other.
“It takes a village” even when our children die.
I’m rooting for a future with more openness, knowledge and generosity.
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21/07/2025

I think what I want to convey most with these posts is what I have learned, and how you can help someone going through this. Our case is extremely traumatic, but not unique. As mentioned earlier, in 1 of 4 pregnancies the baby does not survive. There are many reasons for this; chemical pregnancy, miscarriage, elective abortion, missed abortion, ectopic pregnancy, TFMR, late miscarriage, premature birth, stillbirth… That doesn’t mean we should be afraid, but that there are more of us than we might think. So maybe we need to be a little extra generous with each other. We don’t know what others have gone through.

Personally, I find categorization and statistics difficult. Especially for my own children. What were they? Which group do I belong to? Late miscarriage? Stillbirth? Infant death?
I haven’t been able to land on an answer for myself still. They lived so fully. But there are only a little more than 6 hours that separate them from late miscarriages to children in the eyes of Norway. But ultimately, my children have died. And I’m not alone in that.

Some of us are lucky and never experience this, so here are some tips to help someone who is going through the grief of a child: Be present, without expecting anything in return. Help them eat. Help them get out of their homes. Ask what they need, or what you can do together. Talk about the children - you won’t make the grief worse. It’s not dangerous if we start crying, it’s our reaction, you haven’t done anything wrong. Otherwise, there’s very little that helps than time to heal. Stay present for that.

For those of you who have lost: You are not alone. Take time to grieve, grief work is hard work - but there’s no way around it. Accept all the help you can, disregard the superfluous when you have more control. Write a diary. I also have several books, websites and podcasts to recommend. And I promise you won’t always lie awake at night crying until you can’t breathe anymore. You will laugh again.

«It takes a village» also when our children have died. Step three for this is generosity. Generosity with each other, and with yourself.
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20/07/2025

Strong imagery.
Seeing my second son stop breathing just hours after my first son changed my perspective on life forever. I am thrown into 70,000 fathoms. There is something about hearing the worst thing you can imagine: «There is no heartbeat.» Who do you become then?
We felt infinitely alone.
We had to tell everyone about the boys and their short lives that had huge impressions on ours.

Over half a million people saw the post we shared. Messages of support poured in.
In crises, some heroes also appear - people you know, but who you didn’t realize were heroes until then. They showed up. Our community rallied around us, and everything we needed was arranged. Priest for the service and funeral, social worker for welfare support and registering the boys’ names, doctors, nurses, parents (grandparents), funeral director, birth photographer, friends, people who love us and strangers from all over the world. For them we are eternally grateful.

Not feeling alone in our immediate grief meant a lot, and we learned about many who had experienced the same thing - and survived - that was what we needed to hear. Because it felt like an impossible task. We went from ultimate happiness to the deepest sadness in a very short time. How were we going to get through this?

We stayed in the hospital for the rest of the week. A total of 5 days. We needed to be close to them until we knew when the next opportunity would be. When we found out that we would be able to see them every day via the funeral home, and I had done D&C, we went home to my parents. We lived with them for 4 months, which I am very glad we did. Being able to grieve “somewhere else” rather than at home was very good for us. We spent time on grief work, funerals, traveling a bit, a lot of admin with NAV (the Norwegian Labour and Welfare Administration), waiting for answers about why they were born prematurely…

We learned that there were three possible causes: infection, placental abruption or a shortened cervix. After several months of waiting, we got the “no answer”: it was not infection or placental abruption. We would not be able to check for a shortened cervix until I eventually got pregnant again.

19/07/2025

Strong imagery.
My whole life I have fantasized about being pregnant, looked forward to it. Everything went according to plan. I married the woman of my dreams, and on the first attempt of insemination we got pregnant. With twins! The happiness was palpable, life was complete.
I didn’t have an easy pregnancy, I struggled with hyperemesis and had braxton hicks early. But I was so happy! I exercised until the day they were born, but that night the braxton hicks didn’t stop. I was in constant discomfort, and slept poorly. I took some paracetamol to see if it helped… it did not. But hot water helped, so I sat in the shower. We hadn’t had a birth prep course; besides, it was too early - it can’t be birth, right?

On Monday, January 15, 2024, our boys entered this world. 18 weeks early, too fast and too dramatic. We will forever remember this day with horror, but also with endless love. I gave birth to two perfect boys, one at home in the bathroom with only Linn present, and one in the hospital with a full team of doctors and midwives around me. I birthed both into my own hands, and both showed a strong will to live. They were no more than about 500 grams and barely 30 cm each.

Tuesday, January 16th started out hopeful as both were stable and doing well, but it suddenly became critical for big brother. He spontaneously had several hemorrhages in the brain and his little body could not take any more. We barely had time to baptize him, and he was given the name Lennox. He died in our arms shortly after while we sang to him. “Slipping Through My Fingers” by ABBA.
Little brother is stable and in the midst of grief there is hope for him... Until a little later in the evening when everything fails - his vitals are only getting worse and worse and it turns out that he also has spontaneous hemorrhages in both hemispheres of his brain and his lungs.

Early in the morning of Wednesday, January 17, the hospital priest came and baptized him too. His name is Henry. Henry then lies on my chest, skin to skin, for several hours before he too dies, and we sing the same song for him.
Outside, Oslo is experiencing the worst snowstorm in years, and inside, our hearts are broken forever.

18/07/2025

I hope my story, and three steps, will give others tools to manage in difficult situations, and be there for their loved ones. Because our arms may be empty, but our hearts are full. Our babies are not here, but we are still mothers.

Like I said, in approximately 1 of 4 pregnancies, the child does not survive. Much more often than I realized. Does that mean you should prepare for loss when you get pregnant? No, I don’t think that makes any sense. 3 in 4 survive!
On the other hand, simplifying child loss into a statistic, saying that “it is common”, trivializes the grief; when it is just as life-changing, painful and tragic for those who experience it.
But for us who are the 1, it is of great importance that knowledge is spread so that we can provide tools to help families in great grief.
Because if it happens so often, why don’t we talk about it?
Why don’t we have more support systems in place for us?

Openness is what heals people, and if something is not talked about, you will most likely feel lonely. I felt extremely lonely when the twins died. Thoughts like: «How did this happen to me? It hasn’t happened to anyone else!?» But it has; it’s just that women are asked not to talk about it.
«Forget it, it’s better to move on»
«At least you know you can get pregnant»
«It’ll be okay next time».
The timeline for losing a pregnancy or child is painful - and trying to extenuate it with well meaning advice is honestly not helpful.

My intention is not to scare anyone, or to gain sympathy. But in order for us to be there for families in grief, we must have the appropriate core knowledge.
«It takes a village» also when you have postpartum without a baby.
Step two for this is knowledge.
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17/07/2025

Over the next few days I will share the story of the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Arguably the worst thing that can happen to a person; and an experience that more people than we know share. I will tell you about when my twin sons died after premature birth, how we live on, and how you can be there for friends who lose children.
There was life before them, and there is life after them.
Having children changes you so much that you can say things like that.

So why am I saying this affects more people than we know? World Health Organization shares that worldwide pregnancy- and child loss happens to 1 out of 4 pregnancies. In the western world, the numbers vary between 10-20% of all pregnancies. March of Dimes reports that some research suggests up to 30%. Pregnancy loss is defined differently around the world, and it does not combine elective- and spontaneous abortions, TFMR and child loss at different gestations and stillbirth. A sure-thing number is therefore hard to establish; but the point I want to make is that it happens to many people, and many families. Probably someone you know, or maybe it happened to you. I will therefore continue to refer to the “1 in 4” in my text. Not to scare anyone, but simply to include everyone who are already excluded in care and their own communities.

I am part of this statistic. I have lost my two twin sons. They are dead.
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16/07/2025

Hello darling followers! Welcome. Some of you have followed for a long time, others are new. So please allow me to reintroduce myself: My name is Elisabeth, but my friends call me Ellie; so you can do the same❤️

I am 32 years old, have a dog and a cat and married the woman of my dreams in 2023. My wife Linn and I live in Oslo, Norway. I am a registered nurse and a staff sergeant in the military - but until recently my full-time job was gaming and streaming on Twitch. Just after our wedding, I also experienced becoming pregnant for the first time, and my wife and I had the opportunity to start a family. We became mothers of two children on the first try. We were elated.

I am a pretty ordinary girl, but I have experienced arguably the worst thing that can happen to a person. My children died shortly after I gave birth to them. I want to share that story with you. We don’t know what others around us have experienced, unless we share. And when I first told my story, it reached half a million people from all corners of the world. I quickly saw that openness about this topic means a lot and is important; because there are many of us who experience pregnancy loss and child loss; stillbirths, miscarriages, missed abortions, TFMR, and that our children die after birth. Still, I think I can say with a fair amount of certainty that we all feel completely alone when it happens.

I want to share the three steps I believe we need to take in order to remove stigma and shame connected with losing a baby.

In a very vulnerable situation, are we supposed to manage by ourselves? No.
I think that we as humans need to return to the act of taking care of each other more; to be extra generous. «It takes a village» also when you have postpartum without a baby.
Step one for this is openness.

14/07/2025

Week 28💍
Our wedding anniversary, lunch dates in the sun and Oslofjord cruise☀️🌸… and teeny tiny boots in the hallway🥹
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08/07/2025

Week 27☀️
Father-in-law visit, hospital check ups, glucose test and really nice food!🥗
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EllieK

25/07/2025

23/07/2025

22/07/2025

21/07/2025

20/07/2025

19/07/2025

18/07/2025

17/07/2025

16/07/2025

14/07/2025

08/07/2025

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