The Not-So-Crazy Cat Ladies

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Linda Deane, storyteller and chief scribe of Planet Cat
Email: [email protected]
Deb Nelson, kitty welfare volunteer, and Maître d'hôtel at Chez Nelson Email: [email protected]

Hello friends. Crème here.Today is a very important day.Deb tells me that I am going back to the shelter for my neuter s...
18/06/2026

Hello friends. Crème here.

Today is a very important day.
Deb tells me that I am going back to the shelter for my neuter surgery and then I will stay there while I wait for my forever family to find me.

I am excited.
But I am also a little sad.

You see, I came here because tiny Bandit needed a friend.

The Academy students were all much bigger than she was, and despite their good intentions, they were a little too enthusiastic for such a tiny kitten.
So Deb brought me home to be Bandit’s buddy.

At first, we were both little kittens.
We played together.
We chased toys together.
We wrestled together.
We took naps together.
And somewhere along the way, we became best friends.

The funny thing is that while Bandit stayed tiny and adorable, I seem to have grown really big and strong. It happened very quickly.

Now it is time for me to move on to the next chapter of my adventure.

Bandit has to stay behind for a little while longer because she still needs to gain weight and grow bigger before it is her turn for surgery and graduation day.

I am going to miss my little friend
I think she is going to miss me too.
Maybe Debwill find her a new friend.

I would love to stay here forever, but Professor Dory explained that this is not how fostering works.
Apparently Deb is not allowed to keep every kitten who steals her heart.
Dory says she should know.
After all, SHE was what humans call a “foster fail.”

I am not entirely sure what that means, but it appears to involve staying permanently and becoming extremely spoiled.
Deb says that cannot happen again.
At least that is what she keeps telling herself.

Professor Dory has taught us well, and because of her excellent Academy training, I feel quite confident about my future.

I know how to play.
I know how to cuddle.
I know how to make humans smile.

Most importantly, I know there is a family out there looking for a kitten just like me.

So please wish me luck, friends.

I think my people are waiting for me, and I can’t wait to meet them.

"Um... 'scuse me, Linda, but can you please get out of the bath now? The nom bowls are empty and they URGENTLY need refi...
18/06/2026

"Um... 'scuse me, Linda, but can you please get out of the bath now?
The nom bowls are empty and they URGENTLY need refilling. Thanks." - Love, Candy

Hello friends. Tiny Bandit here.I feel there are some things we need to discuss.Apparently Deb is concerned because I am...
17/06/2026

Hello friends. Tiny Bandit here.

I feel there are some things we need to discuss.

Apparently Deb is concerned because I am not gaining weight as quickly as she would like.

Personally, I think this is an overreaction.

I am active.
I am playful.
I zoom.
I wrestle.
I climb into Deb’s lap whenever possible.

Frankly, I am doing an excellent job of being a kitten.

Deb, however, seems unusually focused on the amount of food entering my tiny body.
She keeps pointing out that I have only gained about 100 grams in the last three weeks.

Friends…
that sounds like plenty to me.

I am small.
I intend to remain elegant.

As a result of her concerns, I have recently been subjected to:
• a veterinary inspection (which I passed)
• p**p inspections (highly invasive)
• deworming medicine (yucky)
• special foods
• nutritional supplements
• appetite medicine on my ear
• and a mysterious nutrition gel

Friends…
the nutrition gel was not my favorite.
Not even a little bit.

Deb says:
“Bandit, you need to eat more.”

I say:
“Perhaps I am simply petite and sophisticated.”

She remains unconvinced.

The funny thing is that I actually feel wonderful.

I spend my days playing with Crème, chasing toys, exploring important corners of the room, and climbing directly into Deb’s lap whenever she sits down.

In fact, I am quite certain that lap sitting and purring burns calories, which may explain part of the problem.

Personally, I think everyone should stop worrying.

I am not trying to become a giant kitten.
I am aiming for:
• small
• dainty
• adorable
• and highly portable

Now tell me honestly, friends…

do I look like:
• a tiny delicate flower
• a future mighty huntress
• a professional lap kitten
• or someone who should probably eat one more bite for Deb?

Baylee here.Friends, I am pleased to announce that the results of my recent veterinary inspection have arrived.As expect...
16/06/2026

Baylee here.

Friends, I am pleased to announce that the results of my recent veterinary inspection have arrived.

As expected, everything is normal.

Frankly, I could have told everyone that before the appointment.

My bloodwork is normal.
My tests are normal.
My doctor says I am remarkably healthy for a lady approaching her 17th birthday.

Again…as expected.

I told Deb there was no reason to worry. Naturally, she worried anyway.

The doctor did note that I have a few creaky old lady joints these days, which was not entirely surprising.

After nearly seventeen years of supervising humans, tolerating kittens, and maintaining order at Chez Nelson, a little wear and tear is to be expected.

The vet suggested that Deb might consider starting me on one of the newer arthritis medications to help keep me comfortable.

Personally, I am not convinced I need anything.

On the other paw, if additional comfort can be achieved without further thermometers, I may be willing to consider negotiations.

So I am curious, friends…

Have any of your kitties received the arthritis shot?

Did it help?

Was it worth it?

Most importantly, were they properly compensated with treats afterward?

For now, I shall continue my regularly scheduled activities:
• supervising the household
• judging the Academy students
• and reminding Deb that I told her the vet visit was unnecessary.

Honestly, friends…sometimes being right is exhausting.

15/06/2026

Important Academy Announcement from Professor Dory:

Friends…
after a brief recess, I am pleased to announce that Academy training is officially back in session.

Today’s coursework focused on:

Community Service and Household Maintenance.

As you can see, the Academy Students immediately volunteered to assist Deb with floor cleaning duties. Their enthusiasm was inspiring.

The students carefully monitored the Swiffer’s movements, tested its maneuverability, and repeatedly placed themselves directly in its path to ensure quality control standards were maintained.

Eloise assumed a supervisory role.

Penelope focused on tactical interception exercises.

Daphne specialized in close-range mop observation.
And Benedict was seeing if any chimkin was found.

Deb said:
“You are not helping.”

I think we can all agree that her definition of helping is unnecessarily narrow.

Dory believes a proper education should include:
• teamwork
• public service
• household management
• and learning how to attack cleaning equipment without fear

Personally, I thought the students performed beautifully.

At the conclusion of today’s lesson, all earned their Junior Domestic Assistance Badge.

Now tell us honestly, friends…

were the students:
• helping Deb clean
• supervising Deb’s cleaning
• actively preventing Deb from cleaning
• or improving the entire experience through moral support?

Candy repawting today. Did you know, all cats have jobs. In our house, Judi is in charge of naughtying.Gina manages the ...
12/06/2026

Candy repawting today.

Did you know, all cats have jobs.

In our house, Judi is in charge of naughtying.
Gina manages the broadcasting of all the news and gossip. She's a very fine repawter, don't you think?

In the Nelson household, Baylee is the boss cat and Dory supurrvises anyone or anything entering Chez Nelson, especially the new recruits, but not limited to impressionable young kittens.
She also takes charge whenever Deb brings home tradesmen or workers to maintain the place. Someone has to keep an eye on them and Dory is very good of keeping an eye on things for Deb.

Now, this is my primary job, this, right here.
(Can you guesss my job title?)

I love my job! 💗

Baylee here.Friends, I regret to inform you that yesterday I was subjected to a series of completely unnecessary indigni...
11/06/2026

Baylee here.

Friends, I regret to inform you that yesterday I was subjected to a series of completely unnecessary indignities at the veterinary establishment.

At nearly 17 years of age, I feel I have earned the right to be treated with a certain level of dignity and respect.

Instead, I was:
• placed upon The Scale
• poked repeatedly with needles so they could steal my blood
• followed around while they demanded samples of my personal bathroom activities
• and subjected to the ultimate humiliation…

The Thermometer.

Frankly, I do not wish to discuss it further!

The doctor also insisted on:
• looking in my ears
• staring into my mouth
• listening to my heart
• and generally behaving as though I were some sort of public research project.

I remained calm, graceful, and deeply annoyed throughout the entire ordeal.

At one point I overheard Deb tell the tech that, at my ripe old age, I no longer needed additional vaccines.

Friends…
it was the first encouraging news I had heard.

Personally, I believe if one survives nearly seventeen years in a household currently overrun by Academy students and tiny invaders, one has already demonstrated sufficient immunity and emotional resilience.

I returned safely back home where I spent the remainder of the day and evening:
• recovering emotionally
• judging everyone quietly
• and plotting to avoid all medical professionals indefinitely

Dory said I was “very brave.”
But bravery had nothing to do with it.
I simply refused to let the staff witness weakness.

Now tell me honestly, friends…

am I:
• brave and dignified
• dramatically underappreciated
• completely justified in my outrage
• or entitled to unlimited treats for surviving this terrible experience?

Important Academy Administrative Announcement from Professor Dory:Friends…Academy coursework will be paused briefly due ...
10/06/2026

Important Academy Administrative Announcement from Professor Dory:

Friends…
Academy coursework will be paused briefly due to ongoing chaos and administrative complications at Chez Nelson.

The last several days have been rather exhausting.

On Sunday afternoon ALL Academy students had to be transported to the shelter for:
• vaccinations
• worm medicines
• flea and tick prevention
• and what I personally considered an unnecessary number of indignities

The students handled the situation bravely, although Benedict believes he deserved emotional support chimken afterward.

Then on Monday, Deb spent most of the day at the hoomin clinic where she received two giant needle shots into her back to help stop the back and leg pains she has been having lately,

She spent the remainder of the day resting and napping while I personally provided intensive purr therapy and supervisory services.
I am happy to report that she already seems to be feeling much better.

Tuesday brought additional challenges when workers arrived at our house to complete several repair projects.

Friends…trying to manage multiple rooms full of busy kittens while strangers carried tools around the house required tremendous organizational skill.
Fortunately, all projects were completed successfully and no kittens escaped into the ceiling or ventilation system.

And TODAY Baylee had to report to her own doctor for her official six-month inspection and maintenance appointment because Deb has been quietly worrying about her lately.
I suspect Baylee may provide her own highly dramatic report tomorrow.

So yes, at this point Deb appears a little overwhelmed.

But we all know the Old Lady is tough and will bounce right back.

After all, she spent many years caring for entire groups of sick little hoomins in the hospital every day, so a few kittens, medical appointments, and household catastrophes are probably not enough to defeat her completely.

Still…
she did make several dramatic groaning sounds this morning.

Personally, I believe she may require:
• several naps
• more intensive purr therapy
• and possibly professional administrative assistance

Unfortunately for her, the Academy students remain fully committed to ongoing education and household activities.

Frankly, it may be dangerous for me to leave them unsupervised for too long.

But I have agreed to temporarily suspend advanced lessons while everyone recovers from the week’s events.

Please keep:
• Baylee
• the tiny invaders
• and especially Deb

in your thoughts while Chez Nelson attempts to regain some level of stability.

Hello friends. Tiny Bandit here.I have now spent almost two weeks at Chez Nelson and would like to provide my official e...
09/06/2026

Hello friends. Tiny Bandit here.

I have now spent almost two weeks at Chez Nelson and would like to provide my official evaluation.

First of all:
this place is WILD.

There are kittens running everywhere at all times.
Someone is always climbing something.
And it appears that Deb has completely lost control while Dory runs some sort of highly questionable training academy.

I am both impressed and slightly concerned.

The bigger Academy students were a little too enthusiastic for someone my size, so Deb brought me my very own tiny buddy to help keep me company.
I approve of this arrangement.

Tiny kittens should have emotional support friends.

I have also officially begun my Academy training under Professor Dory.

So far I have learned:
• tiny kittens can climb surprisingly high
• paper products and art supplies are apparently educational
• and if you look extra innocent, hoomins forgive almost everything

Dory says I show tremendous potential in the field of advanced stealth naughtiness.

Now tell me honestly, friends…

do I look:
• tiny and innocent
• brave and adventurous
• suspiciously clever
• or like I may already be planning my first major naughty?

Benedict repawting today from Dory’s Academy for the Gifted and Naughty.Oh. Hey, Deb.I see you hab discovered my researc...
08/06/2026

Benedict repawting today from Dory’s Academy for the Gifted and Naughty.

Oh. Hey, Deb.

I see you hab discovered my research project.

Excellent timing.

As you can see, I located this fascinating box of colorful marker sticks inside your art supplies and immediately began testing them for:
• texture
• rollability
• chew resistance
• and floor distribution potential

The early results are bery promising.

I was especially impressed by how efficiently they scatter in multiple directions when lightly bapped with a paw.

Dory says advanced artistic education requires:
• curiosity
• confidence
• and complete commitment to experimental learning

She also informed me that true artists are not limited by “boxes,” “organization,” or “putting things back where they belong.”

Personally, I think she is a brilliant teacher.

Now if you will excuse me, I still hab several markers requiring additional investigation.

Tell me honestly, friends…

when you look at this situation do you see:
• artistic curiosity
• scientific research
• adorable chaos
• or evidence that Deb should probably start hiding the art supplies?

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