20/06/2023
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4 STAGES OF RELATIONSHIP:
(AT BAKIT MARAMING NAG-STOP NA SA STAGE 3)
Bata palang ako pangarap ko na ang “happily ever after”.
Yung parang kwento nila Beauty and the Beast, Snowhite, Snowhite and Little Mermaid. Muntik ko na ngang pangarapin din na maging sirena e 😅🤣
Pero honestly, sino ba namang nangarap ng ganito.,,
“Paglaki gusto ko ng broken marriage and broken family.”
“Pangarap kong ma-experience ang annulment. Mag-aaral ako ng mabuti at pag-iipunan ko yun. Kasi pangarap ko talaga yun.”
“Sana makahanap ako ng lalaking hindi tutupad sa mga pangako niya, sasaktan ako, aalilain, aanakan lang ako at higit sa lahat yung iiwan ako.”
“Sana walang . Inaasam-asam ko yung panandaliang relationship.”
Ayan.
Walang matinong tao ang mangangarap ng ganyan. But the sad reality is that many marriages fall apart and most people don’t know why. 😰
Bakit nga ba?
Marami sa atin ang nag-aakalang nakapangasawa sila ng maling tao. Kaya naman after ng grieving season hahanap ulit ng iba hoping na tama na ang mapipili nya. Sad truth, many people are finding love in the wrong places.
Sa dami ng mga nakakausap kong wifey, nakita ko na halos most of them ay stranded sa STAGE 3.
💛STAGE 1: HEAD OVER HEELS
Inlove na inlove.
Humaling na humaling.
Dyan naman nagsisimula halos ang lahat ng relationship. Kung hindi man head over heels, aminin natin na nadevelop at na-fall inlove na nga tayo.
We project all our hopes and dreams of our lover. We imagine that they will fulfill our desires, our dreams and give us all the things we didn’t get as children at higit sa lahat matupad ang mga pangakong hindi tinupad ng mga past relationships natin.
Confident tayo na we will remain in love forever.
Na “meant to be” talaga tayo.
Na kamatayan lang ang makakapaghiwalay sa atin.
Na kahit “against all odds” ang datingan ng relationship natin push parin kasi inlove na inlove nga tayo sa isa’t isa.
♥️STAGE 2: THE WORLD OF THE MARRIED
Welcome sa buhay may-asawa!!!
Ito ang stage kung saan lumalim ang ating pag-ibig sa isa’t-isa. This is a time when we have children and raise them.
Mas nakikilala na din natin ang ating mga asawa. Maraming discoveries, adjustments and yet we still expand our individual lives to begin developing a life of “the two of us.”
During this phase, medyo nababawasan or nawawala na yung “head over heels” na feeling. Sa paglipas ng panahon yung dating wild na s*x life medyo kumalma na 😅 Pero kahit hindi na kasing wild noon, satisfying naman.
We feel safe.
Cared for.
Cherished.
Appreciated.
We feel close and protected.
Iniisip natin na ito na ang ultimate level ng ating pag-iibigan at umaasa tayong hanggang sa dulo na ito ng walang hanggan.
BUT...
We are often blind-sided by the turn-around of stage three.
🖤STAGE 3: DISILLUSIONMENT
This is the beginning of the end for ‘some’.
Yung iba sa atin hindi aware na darating ang ganitong phase sa ating marriages. Kaya naman when it happens, gumuguho talaga ang mga mundo natin.
Bigla tayong na-didisorient.
Na-bburnt out.
Nabubulag.
This is a period where things begin to feel bad.
Paulit-ulit na offense.
Complications sa mga inlaws.
Poverty.
Infidelity.
Financial crisis.
Health issues.
Extended and looooong distance relationship.
And more...
It can occur slowly or pwede ding sa isang iglap parang ‘mali’ na lahat.
Little things begin to bother us.
We feel less loved and cared for.
We feel trapped and want to escape.
We feel exhausted and we want to quit.
We become more...
Irritable.
Angry.
Doubtful.
Aloof.
Cold.
Bitter.
We may stay busy at work, or with the family, but the dissatisfactions mount. Minsan napapaisip tayo...
“Asan na kaya yung taong pinakasalan ko? Yung taong ‘head over heels’ ako dati? Asan na yun?”
We long for the love we once had, but we don’t know where it went, or how to get it back.
Yung isa sa inyo gusto na kumalas o kaya minsan nagkakasundo nalang kayo magsama alang-alang nalang sa mga bata pero para nalang kayong roommate.
Wala ng intimacy.
Wala ng love.
PERO...
Merong iba na nakaka-breakthrough dito.
Merong sukang-suka na sa sobrang sakit pero pinipiling wag sumuko.
Matibay.
Lumalaban.
After ng matinding turbulence at shaking they rise above the clouds.
Better than before.
Better version of themselves.
Stronger than ever.
Version 2.0
The positive side of STAGE 3 is that the heat burns away a lot of our illusions about ourselves and our partner.
Na-rerealize natin how pure and genuine our love is that we can still choose to love, regardless.
We have an opportunity to become more loving and appreciate the person we are with, not the projections we had placed on them as our “ideal mate.”
After this season, we’ve moved into the next stage and feel blessed to have forgiven and learned the skills for negotiating the stage of disillusionment
This time, we can truly enjoy the later stage of our relationship. YES! May mga challenges parin and struggles but the learning curves made you both into a mature and wise person.
💜STAGE 4: RESTORATION AND COURTSHIP FOREVER
You are now in the phase of working hard to create a real and lasting love.
Marriage is hard work and you are determined to do whatever it takes para ma-experience ang pinangarap mong “happily ever after” nung maliit na bata ka palang.
You’ve finally realized that apart from GOD and without Him in the center of your life and relationship, a thriving and happy marriage is impossible.
One of the gifts of confronting the unhappiness and challenges in STAGE 3 is that we can get to the core of what causes the pain and conflict.
Conflict is inevitable. But this time, you both handle it with maturity, love and grace.
Nagtutulungan kayong gamutin ang mga sugat ng inyong nakaraan. You’ve both learned to be allies in helping each other understand and heal your wounds. Kung noon you fight with each other, this time you fight TOGETHER.
As you began to heal, the love and laughter you thought you had lost began to flow again. You began to see each other as wonderful beings who had suffered greatly in the past and had come together to love each other... again.
Walang sumbatan.
Walang halukayan.
Forgiven and understood... and even forgotten.
There’s nothing more satisfying than being with a partner who sees you and loves you for who you are.
Wala ng expectations.
Puro acceptance.
Marriage restored.
Whatever stage you are in right now, I pray that God’s love, joy, peace, comfort and peace be upon you as you strive to please and glorify Him through your marriage. 💙
Extra virtual hugs sa mga wifey na nasa STAGE 3 🖤
•••••••••••
PS:
And yes! Back on stock na ang hard copy ng ating best-selling USAPANG MAG-ASAWA! Avail your copies now! Perfect gift din sa mga couple friends nyo. 💖
How to avail?
👉🏻 https://bit.ly/ThriveInLifeShopee
