27/03/2025
STRATEGIES IN SOLVING CONFLICT IN THE CHURCH
Conflicts arise wherever people congregate: within churches, within families, within the community. While it is almost certain to happen, it is also a very unpleasant experience, and if not dealt with accordingly it may lead to strife that often leads to scandal, which endangers our peace and testimony.
Here are some helpful strategies in solving conflicts:
1) ADMIT NOT ARGUE
Arguing solves nothing, it only broadens the gap and intensifies the hate. Conflict is never 100% one person's fault. Thinking that you're not part of the problem is often the problem. Own your part and be accountable. That is a manifestation of maturity.
2) BE DIRECT
Conflicts are not cleared up by talking about it with someone else rather than talking to that someone concerned. Jesus tells us to go directly to the person and try to resolve the problem "privately" (Matt. 18:15). In the preceding passage (5:5), Jesus instructs us about meekness like a little child, it means to lay aside self-justification in order to respectfully express yourself to the person who has offended you. Note: Pointing out a fault is a two-way street. We need to be open to hear faults pointed toward us as well.
3) DON'T ASSUME THE WORST IN PEOPLE
It is convenient to assign bad motives to others. Although it is harder, it is much more dignified to give people the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes people just don't realize how they come across, and being understanding and considerate will help us resolve conflicts without ruining our relationships.
4) CLARIFY DON'T CONDEMN
Confront conflicts with the goal of finding a solution, not someone to blame. "Blaming others is a guarantee that the only person who won't grow is you." Communication helps resolve conflicts, not condemnation.
5) BE SPECIFIC
When we are frustrated, we tend to make general accusations or annotate on personality traits. Sometimes, we are also tempted to dig up already resolved and past issues. This will only derail us from the true goal of conflict resolution. Being specific helps us mitigate conflict and move toward a more cheerful ending.
6) DESIRE FOR THINGS TO GET BETTER, NOT BITTER
A happy ending seems inconceivable especially when you are hurting, but don't forget that the Lord specializes on mending the broken and healing the hurting. Vexatious situations are in fact opportunities for growth, if we seek guidance from the Word of God and surrender to His will. However hard it is for us look forward for reconciliation, our love for and faith in Christ should compel us otherwise.
7) PRAY FOR THE PERSON(S) YOU'RE IN CONFLICT WITH
As to personal experience, I find it impossible to stay angry with the person I pray for. When you pray for him, it takes away any smirk of superiority out of your attitude and places you both at the foot of the cross direly needing forgiveness. Prayer goes a long way in the pursuit resolving conflicts and restoring relationships.
Disclaimer: This is not a perfect formula for conflict resolution, every conflict is unique and requires lots of faith and prayers, and a great deal of sincerity and humility.
It is my prayer that whatever conflicts your congregation is going through may be resolved by the Grace of God and for His ultimate Glory.
