20/05/2026
- S**t. 6 More Hours? -
I knew what I signed up for.
The gunstart was at 10 in the evening.
Hours inside the dark were inevitable.
It didn't matter at first.
I was with friends and a hundred more runners that night.
Headlamps bouncing around the trails.
Some were rushing.
Some were taking their time.
The usual race energy.
We were talking and laughing.
Teasing and bantering are always present,
Making the dreaded distance bearable.
Past 10 kilometers, just right after the first aid station.
I started gaining distance on the climbs.
I knew my friends were still there. I can still hear them.
Passed some runners.
Then passed some more.
Familiar voices started to disappear.
I checked my watch, 12 kilometers in.
I was alone.
Completely alone.
I stopped for a second and looked around.
Nothing.
No voices.
No steps.
No light behind or ahead of me.
Just the dark forest and starry night above.
I got stunned.
Realization came in so quick.
S**t.
I looked at my watch.
Almost midnight.
Six more hours of this? Solo?
And for some reason, I got scared.
Didn't make sense to me.
I am used to this.
In almost all trail races, I did it alone.
If this was some years ago, I would understand.
Those who truly knew me, know, I was terrified being alone.
Even day time hikes made me uneasy.
Every sound felt suspicious.
Every wrong turn felt dangerous.
But over time, it changed.
I craved being alone.
I started looking for solitude.
Away from small talks or greetings, or other meaningless interactions.
Wanted quieter trails.
Long solo hikes.
Long solo runs.
So why in the world was I scared again?
Instinct?
All I know was, the forest felt heavier.
Trails looked narrower.
Different.
Not dangerous.
Just... wrong.
I kept checking my watch.
Checking the map.
Making sure I was still on course.
Every trail ribbon became important.
Then I realized, there's an aid station at kilometer 15.
That became the goal.
Just get there.
Keep moving.
Trying to act normal.
Trying to convince myself that I was just being ridiculous.
You signed up for this.
You wanted this.
You did this multiple times.
Why are you scared?
I saw flickering lights from a distance, the aid station.
Finally.
Light.
Voices.
People.
Relief.
I knew my friends were behind, and decided to wait for them.
Didn't care about losing time anymore.
F**k the time.
I just wanted familiar voices again.
S**t.
Six more hours.