28/07/2025
God's ways are unpredictable yet beautiful.
I've had this crush on a guy, for three years, I thought he was the one, kay lagii ka churchmate ra, dili jud na malikayan nga nagka crush raka sa imong ka churchmate and you think God sent him to be with you.
He was my type, or so I thought, he was tall, wears glasses (undeniably girls’s type) and I didn't care about his looks, not that he's not physically handsome, he is.
I liked him because he's a man of God. Then youth camp came then social night, mao to napartner sya sa lain while I was partnered up with his friend, I was very hurt knowing that same girl likes him, I was down but I didn't cry, I sat on a swing not doing anything & just looking at the stars kay you know sa AAC kay nindot man jud nag view and the moment naay meteor is naay niduol sa ako which is brother sa akong crush, he just sat at a swing beside me and said little words, even so, I felt comforted, maybe he's someone God sent to bring comfort knowing I was hurt. He left, then I didn't mind the social night anymore, I was suddenly very bubbly and active, feeling relief that someone saw me at my lowest, someone that knows there is something behind that smile of mine, and im sure I can trust him, I don't know why pero I'm living with God, telling him everything. So if God made this happen, I trust it.
December came and new year chum chum, I confessed to my almost four year crush, he didn't give me a proper response, just a thank you, and mali jud ko nga nag assume pako nga he might like me back, not knowing that time he was already into my friend, someone older than me, ka same age niya ( He's 2 years older than me ) it's not the same girl nga ka partner niya pag Social night kay naa na sya'y happy ending sa lain. hahaha. Global youth day I saw them tgt and they're talking about math kay sila mga math wizard jud, I didn't mind it that much kay mas close sila compared nako nga dili ka talk niya in real life, it hurts deeply. She can do everything I can't, I started comparing myself to her. I asked God if dili jud siya, please remove my feelings from him, he looks happy with someone else.
And guess what? at the very day I preached at a Vesper worship, my friend told me he confessed to her. A friend that knew my feelings. I can't blame him for wanting her, she is everything that I'm not, she can do what I can't. But not a bit of second or even a millisecond I doubted God. It wasn't rejection, it was a redirection.
Many months had passed and naka move on nako, they're happy with their lives, and I'm happy as long as they're happy. I don't feel insecure anymore, we're different in our own ways and everybody sees us in a different perspective. They are made for each other, if I'm with them I'd look like their child 😭😭
But then, everything went twisted, and all I can say is God is truly amazing. Despite the amount of years I pined on him, he made me manage to move on in a short time, not in a bad way hahahaha. A Sabbath day came, and the very same brother of his, suddenly appeared, and I looked at him a way I never looked at anyone I've ever liked.
Our feelings seem to be mutual too, last night we just got partnered up in a social night, I was very veryy happy, I held his hands and it was comforting, it's not like the way his brother and I held hands for the first time 😭😭 Though things aren't “that” way, I'm genuinely thankful that God sent me him, because his brother sees the facade that everybody sees, meanwhile he's the one who saw me at my lowest, yet still brought comfort just by his presence.
I trust God. I'll pursue my feelings for him, because I trust God to make it work, slowly, but eventually.
God is wonderful :))
