07/11/2025
๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ #๐
๐๐๐ ๐๐ค๐ค๐ฃโ๐จ ๐๐ก๐๐ข๐ (๐๐๐ฎ๐ช๐ข๐)
Sometimes, stories only I knew linger; left for me to grieve, for me to live, like a punishment from heavens for a sin I never confessed.
โHow much do you love him?โ
I sneered at that question. My friends had been teasing me nonstop ever since they found out who I liked.
โStupid! Crush ra gani, love naman sad inyo,โ I muttered, picking up my ballpen that had rolled to the floor. Still, the question echoed in my mindโDo I really just like him, or is it more than that?
Before I could reach the pen, a pair of soft, masculine hands picked it up first. He knelt on one knee, handed it to me, and smiled before walking away.
โHala! Si crush man to nimo!โ
โOMG ghorl!โ
โYiiiieee!โ
Their teasing echoed through the hallway. My cheeks burned. Mahalata na noon ko!
Embarrassed, I ran off and rode my bike home. When I entered my room, silence greeted me. My crystals were scattered on the table, my books in disarrayโprobably how I left them after rushing to my 6:30 a.m. class.
I washed my face, scrubbing away the heavy foundation from my goth-girl look, then pouted at the thought that my friends were probably annoyed at my sudden exit. I sent them a quick chat to explain, then opened TikTok to browse some thrifted gothic finds. Thatโs when a video caught my attention: โRitual for Crush.โ Curiosity got the best of me.
I clicked one video after anotherโeach showing potions, spells, and love charms. My eyes drifted to the pen he picked up earlier, now resting on my bedside table. It was a fountain pen engraved with strange symbolsโone of my usual aesthetics. What if I try it? Wala namang mawawala, diba?
โIf only I knew that one silly thought would ruin something, I shouldnโt have done it.โ
I followed the TikTok instructions: on a black sheet of paper, I wrote his name three times using that same pen. I drew unfamiliar symbols, added a drop of my blood, then sealed it in a small bottle with melted candle wax. For three consecutive nights, I burned a candle beside it and whispered:
โPer lunam et flammam, cor eius cor meum videbit.โ
(By moon and flame, his heart shall see mine.)
I repeated it again and again.
One morning, while biking to school, I noticed him following me. My heart pounded. Could it be fateโor epekto na sa ritual?
โYouโre so pretty, Selene. I just noticed how pretty you are in black,โ he said, smiling. I froze. Seth? The smart, kind, and talented guy everyone admiredโtalking to me?
Siguro epekto sa ritual, I thought, laughing quietly. Witch na ko!
From that day on, he kept talking to me. I tried to play it cool, knowing this magic might fade soonโso I decided to savor it.
Flowers. Chocolates. Letters. Portraits of me. He never failed to make me feel special. But I hid all of it from my friends. Unsaon man nako pagsulti? Gi-gayuma nako si Seth?
Three months passed. We didnโt chat, only exchanged letters that slipped secretly into each otherโs classrooms. He drove me home after class, always in secret. I felt so in love like tales I read in books.
Then, something changed. I started to feel watched. At night, shadows seemed to move across my room. I had nightmaresโSethโs face shifting into something unrecognizable, like a monster I only see in movies. Disturbed, I went to look for him, but his classmates said he was at the library.
On my way, I overheard two girls talking.
โJin, nabagsak daw si Seth sa exam ganina,โ one said. โI donโt know whatโs happening,โ the other cried. โHe hasnโt replied for weeks. I just want to know if he still wants to continue our relationship, if dili, bisag mag tarong nalang unta siya og eskwela.โ
My heart sank. He already had someone, and I am the other woman. How stupid of me to ruin their relationship. I walked home in silence, guilt pressing on my chest.
When I reached my house, I noticed the air felt heavier than usual. Our helper was out for the day. I was alone again. I was about to open my bedroom door when I heard my vinyl player spinningโplaying music I hadnโt touched in days. I was sure I locked the door!
Inside, my crystals were shattered. My black candles were lit. I felt goosebumpsโฆ My feet turned cold. What stood before my bed was a shadow, pointing at the bottle. I wanted to scream, I wanted to run, but my body wouldnโt move. My legs felt glued to the floor.
โTabang...โ a faint voice whispered. Then I coughed bloodโand everything went black.
Our helper found me unconscious and rushed me to the hospital. They said it was food poisoning, but deep down, I knew it wasnโt. When my mom came home from abroad that December, she immediately sensed something was wrong.
โMagpa-blessing ta,โ she said firmly.
โDo not seek whatโs not yours, Selene. Ayaw buhata ang gibuhat sa imong tita.โ
She threw out most of my thingsโmy crystals, candles, and gothic dรฉcor. The room was repainted, bright and bare. And for the first time, I didnโt resist.
After three weeks, I returned to school. My friends asked me if I was fine and were surprised to see me dressed differentlyโno more dark clothes, no more heavy makeup. I just told them I changed my taste, just like how life slowly fades in our eyes.
We walked home together that afternoon, something I never did before, and there, I saw Seth with a girl, the one who cried hard. He looked happy, radiant even, like nothing had ever happened between us.
Thatโs when I finally understood: you canโt keep what isnโt meant for you. Love, when forced, turns to poison. When the bottle broke, maybe thatโs when he was freedโfrom me, and from my greed.
Now, he doesnโt even look my way. Weโre strangers again. I wonder if he still remembers me, the way we exchanged letters like kids, the mixed scent of our perfumes fused together, and the way we hold each otherโs hand while going home.
I wish I never met him, I wish was better.
The most difficult thing about it is sometimes, when I walk home at night, I can still feel eyes following meโshadows whispering the words I once said: โPer lunam et flammam, cor eius cor meum videbit.โ And I know I will carry that curse as the price for the crime heaven knows for the rest of my life.
Entry by GothWhisperer