10/07/2025
It took a long time for me to get my confidence back.
I’ve been finding ways or outlets to be able to channel all my stress, etc. Para hindi sa food ang takbo ko kasi food ang aking comfort. Dati kasi, cigs and v**e. I’m so happy na totally wala na siya sa life ko. Kaya napunta siya sa food.
Lately I’ve been trying to learn make up. I even enrolled. Kasi for me, nakaka relax siya. Kahit hindi ako aalis, nagmamake up ako. To practice and to feel good. Para ma uplift ang confidence ko.
Pag hindi kasi ako maka hanap ng other outlet ng stress, I will be workaholic all my life, and lalo lang ako tataba.
Most of the time, even if may milestones ako sa work, hindi ko ma celebrate. Kasi I am always isolating myself sa family. Kasi natatakot ako sa mga sasabihin nila about my weight, and ang lala ng trigger nun sa akin. Kaya hindi ko din ma celebrate. I also don’t go out that much. Pag work lang. Kaya I barely see friends. I have a small circle of friends. Super small. Kasi natatakot ako sa mga judgements din about my weight.
Dumating sa time na feeling ko wala na ako nagagawang tama sa life. Kasi kahit anong success ko, kahit gaano ako ka generous, feeling ko ang negative parin ng tingin sa akin ng mga tao kasi mataba ako. Pag mataba, lahat ng gagawin, mali.
I’m so happy na nahanap ko itong new outlet ko. Cringe man sa iba, pero uplifting for me. Also, happy ako na I’m back sa fitness kasi I feel stronger, and I feel like I’m doing something good to myself on a daily basis.
I know I’ve been trying, and I failed a lot of times for years, but I’m happy that I get to pick myself up again and try.
Definitely all my fault. For real. 100%. But I will never give up on myself kahit mag give up na lahat ng tao sa paligid ko. Kahit wala nang naniniwala. Babangon at babangon ako.
This is for myself. Bonus nalang for my family and career. I don’t care how long it takes. I don’t care gaano ka bagal. If something happens along the way, at least I tried, and didn’t give up on myself.
Honestly, right now, my confidence is down the drain again, but I will not stop. I’m making progress, and I am happy with that. To everyone feeling the same, we got this. Let’s continue to fight, look for that healthy outlet to help us keep going, and win in life. Let’s do it for ourselves, not for other people. Laban! ✨
