23/11/2024
𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐝𝐨 𝐈 (𝟑𝟐𝐅) 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐮𝐠𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐚𝐭 𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐮𝐬𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐝’𝐬 (𝟑𝟒𝐌) 𝐩𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞?
My husband and I were just chilling in the house, he was cooking while I was reading my book. He goes to therapy for himself and I think it’s great. I know he talks about us, discusses sensitive topics before we can talk, and tries his best to deal with things in a healthier way.
I wanted to check for some photos he took of me on his phone and generally speaking we don't keep our phones off limits from each other. I noticed a widget of notes with my name on it and was curious so I looked.
“My wife is fat even 2 years after we had our child. She has a pretty face but even that gets lost in the frumpy clothing, zero makeup and double chin”
This crushed me. I know this was private and probably wrote it as notes to talk to his therapist about but this is a bell that can’t be unrung. I just silently put his phone away because I didn’t want to find anything else.
I’m heartbroken because I know now what he feels about me. Sure our s*x life may not be the best right now, and my physical fitness hasn’t recovered, but after reading that note, being ugly and fat is all I think about. I am just obsessing over it.
I’ve just been very reserved the past few days and I am too embarrassed, angry, humiliated and unloved to even bring this up to him. If I even can
He’s never outwardly expressed that to me, or his behavior/actions isn’t aligning with what he wrote in his notes. He IS kind to me and treats me well. But I do care about what he genuinely feels and his feelings about me HURT
How do I move forward?
