17/09/2023
Ako rin
I will turn thirty this December with nothing to my name. It's funny because I used to think I'd have a house by now. A car or two, a family of my own, a steady job. Instead here I am, renting a small roof in the city, no wife and kids, commuting to a place I call work where I just celebrated my 1st year anniversary not long ago, and where some of my colleagues were laid off few weeks ago.
As much as I hate to admit it, I really am still figuring things out. And while I know it's perfectly fine, sometimes, it keeps me awake at night. I can't help but wish for the world to stop. Not for too long—just enough for me to catch up with everyone and pick up the dreams I lost along the way. Or maybe a little rewind to undo all the bad decisions made, and let go of the things that I now know won't end up working, anyway. But I know that would be cheating. That's not how it works.
I will turn thirty this December with nothing to my name. I'm scared. But I still have hope that one day, all the love and hard work I gave in life will finally find their way back to me. Maybe not in the form I wished for them to be, but I want to believe that it'll be worth it. Enough to quiet the storms and allow myself to be hopeful for new beginnings again, enough to make up for the bad days. I'll hold on to that, just because I can.
—Jun Mark Patilan
Photograph: Geloy Concepcion
// my self-published books are available. Get them here: https://shope.ee/1VWUpcWJTm
