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Team Tamaraw Payaman Project, Kuwait, Manila (2025)

04/09/2023

Dear myself,

I hope you will always remember that it's okay to take a pause, to breathe, to give yourself a break whenever the world is too overwhelming. Sometimes, things can be so hard but please always remember that you can take one day at a time. No one is rushing you but yourself. So, I want you to thank yourself for making it this far. You can be so messed up and full of chaotic thoughts, but I will always try to love you as you are. Thankyou for being you.

30/08/2023

As I've gotten older, I've come to realize that getting lost is a necessary part of the journey, and every time I do, I always find some aspects of who I am that are right on the edge of nowhere. As I try to get back on track, I always learn to love myself more during the period of loneliness and emptiness. Lost is a lovely place to find yourself, and many times in life we often misinterpret these roads, thinking that we are not in the position we want to be, but these roads are meant to prepare us and give us lessons through pain that will make us the better version of ourselves and equipped with the tools of courage and never giving up
Getting lost and finding your way that's where your true story

27/08/2023

Never force a relationship.

Sometimes it's better to move on, than to hold on to a person who doesn't understand who you truly are. Unfortunately there will be times where your absence will teach you what your presence cannot.

You need to stop breaking your own heart in trying to make a relationship work that clearly isn't meant to work to begin with.

You can't force someone to genuinely care about you.

You can't force someone to be faithful to you.

You can't force someone to be the person you need
them to be.

The truth is, sometimes the person you want the most is the same person you would be best without.

You have got to understand some things are meant to come into your life, just not meant to stay.

Everything that you do to show love, you have to be
careful, not to lose yourself by trying to fix what should never been there in the first place. You can't get the relationship you need from someone who's not ready to reciprocate the love you give to them.

I know it's hard when you meet someone and your heart feels, that's the person you could spend an eternity with, and you start to accept that they are not that person you thought they needed to be.

And no matter how many times you cry yourself to sleep at night, you will eventually heal from your previous relationship and find the one you have always longed for. Your future will now bring an understanding of why things didn't work out in your previous relationships.

One thing I have learned throughout the years, is “It is better to be single than to be in a relationship settling for less.”

If they see you as an option, then they don't deserve to be a priority in your life.

Take my advice and never chase someone who's not chasing you.

21/08/2023

I used to second guess myself when I heard people saying, "You haven't moved on" or "You are still living in yesterdays," just because I occasionally missed, mourned, or regretted a thing from my past. The questions haunted me every single hour. "Am I not allowed to be angry anymore?" "Do I not have the right to think about it and feel sad?" "Does moving on mean total detachment?" — I kept asking myself these all the time. It reminded me of the time when I tried to control everything, when I tried to cover and fix every little imperfection in my life. It's such a robotic thing to do; I realised it only later. We don't live in the present always; we live in the past, present, and future simultaneously all the time. We revisit places we have stayed in for a long time and places we have never seen. I have realised that I am allowed to think things and feel a certain way about it even when I have moved on. Moving on doesn't mean you stop feeling; it means you let stuff go and choose yourself. The things you have experienced don't stop being a part of your life. You can feel a range of emotions and still choose not to let it burden you anymore. You can let yourself feel without letting it control you. You are allowed to look back from time to time and still move forward. What you're feeling is not weird or sad; it's universal. It's something we all go through, and that's what makes it all the more human.

—

20/08/2023

BROKEN GIRL

Broken girl, she sat all alone,
The memories had flooded in,
She wanted to crawl into a hole,
She didn't know where to begin.

She cried inside, broken a little more.
She couldn't cover up the feelings.
She pushed the memories out the door.
She needed a way to find her healing.

She tried so hard to breathe.
She felt the tears stream down her face.
She hid everything underneath.
She felt completely out of place.

She tried to find her way.
She will reach out for some help.
She will make it through, one day,
She will deal with the cards, she was dealt.

© Janelle Erin Elizabeth Peters all rights reserved. Picture found on Pinterest.
Excerpt from my first book "My Poetic Journey to Healing"

19/08/2023

Sometimes you will lose interest in things you used to enjoy, not because you don't want them anymore, but because your soul craves silence and inner peace.
It's sometimes better to lie down on your bed and listen to your favorite music or watch your favorite movie alone, away from your phone and all the notifications that bother you from time to time.
It's sometimes better to devote your time alone and reflect on what you want to do, why you keep tolerating stagnant routines, and why you keep staying in places where you don't belong.
Sometimes you have to pay attention to your body and mind when it tells you to take a break from the outside world, take care of yourself, and rest until you feel like yourself again. The world does not revolve around your smile, your love for someone, or your excitement; rather, the process includes silence, sadness, and solitude.
Take a deep breath and remind yourself that you can comprehend all of this without worrying about what others will think because this is your life and there are no justifications for putting yourself first.

—

17/08/2023

- Your family doesn't know how much difficulties and pressure you go through in your daily life or in your job.

- And your work doesn't know the circumstances of your life and your home.

- Your colleagues, your friends, and loved ones will not understand the size of the new and old responsibilities that are above you.

- And your partner is always expecting unconditional love and support from you, he wont underatand the amount of pressure you go through no matter how much you talk and explain to him.

No one will understand what you're really going through and they most likely don't appreciate efforts.

16/08/2023

I have learned so much since becoming a mother.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
I’m a different person.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
I’m resilient,⁣⁣
brave,⁣⁣
and stronger than I ever imagined.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
Because sometimes I’m amazed at myself,⁣⁣
by the fact that no matter how tired, burnt, and overwhelmed I am,⁣⁣
how many mistakes I make,⁣⁣
how many times I lose my cool,⁣⁣
how much the guilt consumes me,⁣⁣
and how much I doubt myself,⁣⁣
𝘐 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
Every single day I show up.⁣⁣
𝘐 𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘦.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
I do all the things that need to be done for 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮⁣⁣
and love them in the way 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 need to be loved.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
Because 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 are my resilience,⁣⁣
my brave,⁣⁣
and my strength.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
And for them,⁣⁣
𝘐'𝘥 𝘥𝘰 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨.⁣⁣
⁣

16/08/2023

To be honest, I never stopped crying to the stars. I just stopped telling people about it. I guess I just realized how no one's really ever there to listen. Some people will say they would, and they will—but only up to a certain point. Then they expect you to heal. To just charge it to experience and move on. I don't blame them. The world's already so busy as it is, everyone's struggling around to make things work, and this life is full of broken dreams. But I still cry to the stars from time to time, simply because I know that the dreams I had to give up meant everything to me at some point in my life. That while I know I can move forward and leave it all behind because that's how life works, I also know for sure that my heart will always remember.

I cry to the stars so they know how hard I tried, and then I keep it to myself, silently hoping that someday, when I'm a lot wiser and more capable than I am today, I'd stumble upon an old dream left behind and find that I can finally afford to try harder.

And try I will.

15/08/2023

Someone's silence really has different meanings.

A year ago, my silence meant being tired—having no energy to face anyone, for even waking up was a hard thing to be done. My silence meant I was in need of a rescue, but there was this loud clamor in my head and I couldn't hear my own voice asking for help; the noise shut me up, and quietness meant torture. My silence meant I was in deep pain, but I chose not to share it to somebody else, because I couldn't find the right way to say it. My silence meant avoiding people for months, because seeing them exhausted my being—so I chose to be distant. Many people misunderstood this action of mine, but I didn't care; I needed my own time.

But these days, my silence means being contented—that I don't need to prove to the world that I am happy: I just know to myself that I am. My silence means taking good care of my heart and mind; there are still reasons to be sad, but I can now deal with those properly. My silence means finding littlest reasons to go on with life, 'though it is still hard. My silence means protecting the bliss I currently have—sheltering it at all cost.

These days, my silence is no longer tormenting; it means joy.

It means I am at ease.

It means peace.

13/08/2023

SOUL EYES

Behind her eyes, there is a story
Not everyone can see
She shows you her smile
Though, she longs to be free

She feels so alone
Even when she's in a crowd
If her eyes could speak
They would tell you, she's too proud

A tiny little smile
On the corner of her face
In your shoes, she'd walk a mile
But she'd still feel out of place

Look deeply into the eyes of another
If you look close enough, you might discover
That you see more than they choose to uncover
The soul is in the eyes and it's like no other

Team Tamaraw Payaman Project

04/09/2023

30/08/2023

27/08/2023

21/08/2023

20/08/2023

19/08/2023

17/08/2023

16/08/2023

16/08/2023

15/08/2023

13/08/2023

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