The Woke Juan

06/12/2025

03/12/2025

A coworker—Catholic like myself, though unsurprisingly liberal—recently asked if I was happy being single. She knows my story. She thinks that story would be more colorful with a boyfriend, a husband, a walk down an aisle, and adopted kids. I laugh when she makes these suggestions.

The answer to her question is this: I would be lying if I said I was happy. Engagement with the Christian faith does guarantee relief from sorrow. If anything, it makes one more perceptive to suffering. Yes, there are odd days here and there where I feel the weight of being alone more than the usual. But it is what it is, as they say.

For the record, it is not the sexual I desire (all the time). It is something far less glamorous: masculine approval.

I have a complicated relationship with my father. There’s a desire to make him proud but there is also, unfortunately, traces of resentment. He is a man of presence without presence. A typical Filipino father in the 80s and 90s who, with his yelling, whipping, and humiliating ways, left a crater where affection should have been.

With that void, I longed to be seen by another man. So the hunger was not necessarily for bodies but to be known and treated well. To have a companion.

As a single man, I do enjoy my independence. I travel alone, eat alone, watch movies alone, shop alone, and commute alone. I am not shy about eating alone in restaurants or cafes. But to say I have never imagined another body, another voice, another soul beside me would be dishonest. Desire, after all, is persistent.

It is the desire to share a meal without calculating the bill alone. The wish that someone might ask, unprompted, how my day went or how I like my coffee. Someone to argue with. Little frictions and complications of a shared life. Tests of patience. A stranger turned familiar by time. A guy taller than me. Almost random. Almost mundane details.

Ordinary longings. Crumbs from the table of intimacy.

I know from experience that such crumbs are dangerous. They become infatuations. And though I try to meet the demands of Christian perfection, my eyes still notice what they notice: the man at the grocery store in a shirt that fits too well, the rugged line of a stubbled jaw glimpsed through pixels on my phone. The pensive eyes of the guy across the table. People and pixels both carry the potential for idolatry.

My friends are mostly gay men and straight women. I love them dearly and wouldn’t trade them for anything. Once you are near your 40s, finding new friends gets harder. When we are together, these longings go quiet. But they always resurface much sooner rather than later.

None of my friends can give me what I lack: a masculine ‘yes’ to my existence, freely and unflinchingly given, without the fear of a hanger for beating or a berating monologue.

See, my attractions have always been toward straight men. I was bullied by straight boys, refused at the table my male peers in college, measured and found wanting by straight masculinity.

Is it any wonder my desire returns, again and again, to the tribunal that condemned me? I was never drawn to effeminate gay men not because they lack worth, but because they lack what I lack. My condition is a hunger for what was, I believe, wrongfully withheld.

This goes without saying the struggles of a Catholic man with same-sex attractions can be dressed up rather quickly—either as some poignant suffering meant to inspire awe. You know: material fit for testimonies, retreats, and inspirational documentaries. Or, on the less flattering end, as ammunition in the culture wars. I know this too well; I’ve used my own experience for both.

But I doubt I am alone in this. Loneliness is not a gay affliction or a Catholic one; it is the currency of a world that is so divided and isolated. You can strive for holiness and still wake up somewhat lonely. The sort that reminds you of your thorn, your St. Paul souvenir.

I have asked God to remove it, too. Perhaps then I could marry, father children, bury my loneliness under diapers and anniversaries and a ‘normal’ life. But the thorn remains, the thorn that leaves me dependent on God. I can tell myself not to complain, but even that mortification isn’t a shield from what I humanly feel.

There is peace. I’ve learned that peace is its own thing, independent of whatever else I may be feeling—joy, loneliness, anxiety, even fear. You can be anxious but still be at peace. You can be happy but go to bed unsettled. You can be afraid but retreat to the night unshaken.

Peace reminds me that I have wagered my life not on a fleeting romance but on eternity. A ludicrous gamble to be honest. You can’t see it from this world. My Lord knows my vision has been obfuscated by tears, too.

For now, I go through my days as best I can, keeping custody of my eyes, admiring what I cannot claim, and telling God—and Our Lady—that loneliness visits me, and sometimes stays longer than I’d like and that it is annoying.

But if this ache is part of the road to my salvation, then I can carry it for today. And again tomorrow if asked. And the day after tomorrow even after my knees quiver and my eyes momentarily stray. Even if I am walking towards becoming an old bachelor.

One day at a time is all I can manage. And perhaps, all heaven has ever required of me.

25/11/2025

The Nicene Creed, born in AD 325 and still professed by Catholics every Sunday, remains the central summary of true Christian belief. It is this unbroken continuity that sets the Church apart, especially from later groups and movements that broke away from the faith of the early Church.

Also a reminder that Christianity did not begin in the 1800s or 1900s, nor with charismatic leaders, self-styled prophets and pastors, or new and "evolved" interpretations, but with the Church Christ founded thousands of years ago and the faith the Fathers defended.

IZNIK, Turkey - When it was discovered a decade ago, the 4th-century basilica of Nicaea was totally submerged, its importance to early Christian history hidden beneath a lake in northwestern Turkey.

18/11/2025

Dear Anthony Vista,

I took the time to read your reflection on the rally staged by Iglesia Ni Cristo. I do not doubt your sincerity. What troubles me is what that sincerity chooses to ignore.

And that is in your sweeping admiration for the INC’s supposed courage, not once do you acknowledge the one fact so glaring that it threatens to tear the entire fabric of your argument: the INC endorsed the very same public officials now implicated in the corruption scandal you praise them for protesting.

It is rather like applauding an arsonist for being the first to call firefighters about a house fire he started.

You call it unity. However, isn’t it at least worth asking what kind of unity it is, and at what cost it is maintained? You pretend not to see the contradiction; perhaps you truly didn’t. But surely, if we demand truth and honesty from the government, we should demand the same clarity from ourselves. Or from our reflections.

Perhaps, Anthony, in the bias of your algorithms, your feed did not show the clergy who marched in recent protests, priests who risked the ire of both parishioners and politicians. Perhaps you missed the homilies spoken with conviction, the CBCP statements (imperfect, yes, but present) calling for truth, justice, reform. I myself am not always a fan of the CBCP’s priorities (I wish they spoke more loudly and convincingly against abortion, divorce, and gender ideology) but I would never accuse them of apathy.

You see, our Church has been, for two millennia, stubbornly committed to a gift so immense that even God will not force it: freedom.

Catholics may disagree with their bishops, vote against their parish priest’s leanings, even publicly criticize the institution, and they will not be dragged into a room for “correction”.

Freedom is arguably the greatest gift from God after the gift of life. Freedom of conscience. Freedom of discernment. Freedom to vote even against the apparent preferences of clergy or against the qualities of public officials they have taught us to look for.

Freedom to disagree, to criticize, to think. The very thing Christ, who is God, refuses to violate, even while dying on a cross. God wants us to love Him freely, after all.

The Catholic Church forms consciences and guides souls; it is not in the business of commanding ballots.

And then there is doctrine, something you say you “will not discuss,” though you identify yourself as a former seminarian. How curious, that in a moment like this, you choose silence where you accuse others of being too quiet. After all, the INC doesn't believe in the truth about the Holy Trinity, doesn't believe that Christ is God, and teaches that Jesus is a created being.

These are no “little” matters. These are the absolute basics of the Catholic faith, of any true Christian faith for that matter. And yet you put them aside, as if theological truth were less important than a mass gathering in Manila.

You invoke your Catholic identity. Your seminary years, your devout parents, your Marian devotion. But why do they all feel less like conviction and more like rhetorical cushioning, a way to soften the blow of what is, ultimately, praise for a movement whose theological foundations contradict the very faith you claim to represent. Catholic identity, Anthony, is not simply a credential. It is a tether to truth.

So is Christ God, or is He not? If He is, then no amount of political spectacle can make the INC a model for Catholic courage. If He is not, then you have a far more serious problem than the clergy's supposed indifference.

Your essay ends up praising the INC for what it claims to be while ignoring what it actually does. If the rally were purely moral, why were the banners and placards not carried years ago, when the bloc vote first helped elevate these officials into power? If the INC wished to champion transparency, were there no candidates of integrity worth endorsing? It was perfectly clear then which of the men and women running for public office were simply after money and power and not for public service.

Perhaps that is what frustrates you: that the Church refuses to behave like a political machine.

The Catholic Church has always instructed (not forced) Her children to vote with conscience, to examine candidates through the lens of moral character, competence, and compassion. Every election cycle, without fail, She reminds the faithful about the value of their vote. The Catholic Church does not wait “after the fact” to speak.

But perhaps, Anthony, you know this already. Perhaps that is why you write with such affection for the INC’s theatrics while overlooking the stubborn and painful work of forming consciences free enough to vote differently from their bishops, free enough to disagree with homilies, free enough even to walk away from the Church, if they must. The Church you chastise respects the conscience even when that conscience votes poorly, stubbornly, or against pastoral advice.

Which brings me to a question I cannot help but ask you, Anthony, and I pose it without malice, only clarity:

If the Catholic Church had, in 2022, commanded its faithful to vote for a particular candidate, in the manner that the INC does, explicitly, monolithically, without room for dissent, would you have obeyed?

Would that have satisfied your call for “action”? Would you have celebrated the bishops for finally “standing up,” or would you have accused them of meddling, of clerical overreach?

Your other posts leave little doubt about which candidates you favored. And so I wonder:

Is your admiration for the INC rooted in principle or merely in political alignment?

Because if the Catholic Church had behaved as the INC does; if She had issued explicit voting orders, marshalled the faithful as a bloc, and punished dissent; then I suspect you would not be writing a letter of admiration but one of outrage.

Lastly, if you truly want a Church that listens to the pain of the people, start by listening to the truth She protects at great cost, century after century. Start by acknowledging that the Catholic Church possesses what no rally, no bloc, no political choreography ever will: the fullness of truth.

What you saw on your screen was not some form of moral epiphany. It was a political performance. One that becomes especially hollow when viewed against the INC’s history of endorsing its chosen candidates.

If ever we meet, I hope we might speak honestly about what courage truly looks like. Not the movements of a bloc vote, but the harder, more painful journeying of a Church that refuses to trade truth for earthly validation and power.

Until then, may the freedom you enjoy as a Catholic remind you why such rallies, however impressive from afar, are no substitute for the truth we profess.

Sincerely,

Juan

Link to the original FB post here: https://www.facebook.com/anthony.vista/posts/pfbid0246YzmDgFrobuHyY2HvdgKUtY7k2XPKrFML94DTyXFdReo3EVdkfZDszfNzhohRbKl

15/11/2025

As a Catholic man with same-sex attractions (or an LGBTQ+ member, gay man, or whatever label people want to use), the central claim of this article is a fundamental misunderstanding of what Catholic doctrine is and what it truly means to be a child of God. It treats doctrine and the body of the Church’s teaching as some form of cultural artifact, a product of sociology, and something that conveniently “evolves” according to the latest and most fashionable ideological demands.

What we should all remember is that public revelation is complete. God has already revealed everything necessary for our salvation through Christ. The Church cannot change doctrine. Doctrine does not drift with culture or “evolve” into something contradictory to its foundations.

So what does the Catholic Church always taught and will always teach? See the screenshot below. As far as I know, there is no “new” Catechism.

For the author and those consulted, sexuality, gender expression, and self-identification are the primary building blocks of one’s personal identity. But even the late Pope Francis - a pontiff often called progressive - warned clearly about the dangers of gender ideology.

The fact that faculty members of a theology department conveniently ignore this should make any Catholic wonder what theology they are teaching. Greater responsibility lies on those who have been entrusted with forming the youth in the faith for them to deliberately mislead.

Scripture and Tradition teach that the deepest human identity is not sexuality, not gender expression, not even a cluster of emotional attractions, but something infinitely more stable and beautiful: divine filiation. We are the beloved son or daughter of the Father through Christ.

Catholic identity never begins with the question “Who do I feel myself to be?” It begins with “Whose am I?” And the answer, if we take Christ seriously, is simple: I belong to God. “Give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar, and give to God what belongs to God.” And what bears God’s image? The human person. Our identity springs from the One whose likeness we bear.

But because of original sin, every human being experiences disordered inclinations. We all know the pull of anger, lust, greed, vanity, gluttony, pride, and countless other vices. But inclinations are not identity. They are movements of a wounded nature, not revelations of the self.

A person who struggles with overeating may fall into gluttony, but the core of his identity is not as a “glutton.” The same holds true for every inclination, whether sexual, emotional, or behavioral. To confuse inclination with identity is to reduce the human person to his weakest tendencies and rob him of the freedom Christ came to restore. We are sons and daughters first, sinners second. So while our sins and temptations may describe our condition, they do not define us.

On another point, it must be made clear that accompaniment is not the same as affirming people’s self-expressed identities. Accompaniment means walking with a person toward truth, toward Christ, and thus, toward conversion. Christ welcomes sinners, this much is true. But He also commands us to “go and sin no more.” Both actions are essential.

If a man with a mental health problem believes he is a radio, does accompanying mean telling him he is a radio? No. That is not compassion; it is cruelty.

Scripture passages on sexuality are not ancient cultural norms read in isolation from the Magisterium. The Church holds that Scripture is inspired by God and that its moral teachings, express truths about the human person. They are not the customs of a particular era.

Catholic teaching on sexuality is rooted in the creation of humanity as male and female in Genesis, in Christ’s own affirmation of marital complementarity (see Matthew 19:4-6), in the insights of natural law, and in the consistent witness of the Fathers and Tradition. Scripture’s moral vision is never outdated.

The notion that Catholic doctrine “evolves” to match cultural norms is also a distortion of Vatican II. Yes, the Church is indeed called to read “the signs of the times,” but always - always - in the light of the Gospel. The Gospel is not a flexible cultural accessory.

Doctrine does not evolve by contradicting itself. The Church cannot teach sexual morality as God’s plan one day and discard it as a cultural artifact the next. Authentic doctrinal development never reverses moral truth.

Lastly, Pride celebrations are fundamentally incompatible with Catholic teaching. Identities are not self-constructed. The Church can affirm and has always affirmed the dignity of every LGBTQ+ person and the need to protect them from discrimination. It has even codified this in the Catechism. But it will not affirm pride, subscribe to gender ideology, or endorse a relativistic conception of identity.

For the author and the faculty members consulted, it appears as though Catholic teaching is only acceptable insofar as it aligns with contemporary ideological frameworks. Instead of defending authentic Catholic identity, it dismantles it and reduces it to a man-only endeavor.

So what is an authentic Catholic response to LGBTQ+ persons? Three things come to mind. And that is to tell these persons: You are a beloved child of God. Your deepest identity is rooted in God. You are called to holiness.

Every person has desires that must be integrated, disciplined, and ordered to the good. That is the goal and the struggle. You are not defined by attractions, failures, or labels. Your destiny is union with Christ, who reveals what it means to be human.

Catholic doctrine is not the enemy of dignity. It is the guardian of authentic human dignity. Our worth will never come from self-invention but from the God who made us, loves us, and calls us to Himself.

The University’s inclusivity stirs debate among Catholics, but faculty and q***r faithful see no conflict between faith and acceptance.

10/11/2025

Rude and tasteless, yes. But you really can't say that the message is wrong. When this all fades down and people start getting back on their feet, what will they learn?

Filipinos will have the absolute shock and terror of their lives when they finally elect saint-level politicians and government agency workers who are bleeding hearts against corruption, but realize they still cannot "control" the flood that naturally happens on flood plains where these subdivisions were made.

Formula:

1. Proper use of funds
( Politicians who finally do their jobs honestly.)

2. Science-based planning
( DPWH & DENR that actually listen to hydrologists, geologists, and environmental data.)

3. Informed decisions on where to build houses
( Private citizens who understand that no amount of “honest government” can stop nature from behaving like nature)

4. Strict land use enforcement
( LGUs that actually say no to developers building on floodplains)

Skip ANY of the above and there will always be a disaster waiting to happen. The successful flood control projects of other nations have all of those in place...

It's tempting to only look at #1 and #2... but they also strictly enforce no-build zones (with citizens respecting it) and even ask people to move their homes to some place else.

08/11/2025

Time and time again I read such posts downplaying prayer. I sense most of those who adhere to such views have never 'truly' prayed or still see it as some genie-in-a-bottle ritual.

I think that the real issue isn’t that people pray but it’s when prayer is used as an excuse for inaction — or actions contrary to the fruits of prayer.

Anyway, continue to pray. Another big storm is in the horizon.