15/08/2026
Suzanne Van der Marel: “Here I Am Now, Rene. I Terribly Miss You.” Story by Joel Lopez
I never knew how painful it would be to finally arrive at a place we had once promised to visit together.
Talacogon.
We talked about this place. We promised that one day, we would see each other here.
I held on to that promise, imagining the moment when I would finally see you again.
I imagined myself running toward you.
I imagined your smile.
I imagined us laughing, talking about everything we had missed.
But when I finally arrived, there was no smile waiting for me.
There was only silence.
And your grave.
I stood there for a long moment, unable to move.
My eyes fixed on your name, hoping somehow that what I was seeing wasn't real.
Rene “Bobet” Baterbonia.
My heart shattered.
Slowly, I walked toward your grave. My hands were trembling as I reached out and touched your name.
“Here I am now, ‘Rene,” I whispered.
My voice broke.
“Here I am now, just like we promised.
We were supposed to see each other here in Talacogon…”
I stopped.
The tears came before I could finish.
“…but you're gone.”
And that was the moment I completely fell apart.
I cried beside your grave as though a part of me had died with you.
I didn't care who saw me.
I didn't care how broken I looked.
Because in front of your grave, I had nothing left to hide.
“Why did you have to leave so soon, ‘Rene?”
You didn't answer.
Only the wind moved quietly around me.
I remembered all our conversations.
All the little promises.
All the moments when we believed we still had so much time.
I never imagined that our “see you soon” would become a “see you someday.”
I pressed my hand against my chest, trying to hold together a heart that felt completely broken.
“I miss you so much.”
Those words were simple, but behind them was a lifetime of pain.
I miss your stories.
I miss your presence.
I miss hearing from you.
I miss knowing that somewhere in this world, you were still there.
And most of all, I miss the future we were supposed to have.
If I could turn back time, I would never waste a single moment.
I would tell you more often how much you meant to me.
I would hold you a little longer.
I would make sure you knew how deeply you were loved.
But now, all I can hold is the cold stone bearing your name.
I wiped my tears and looked toward the sky.
“‘Rene, I finally came. I kept my promise.”
My voice trembled.
“But why did I have to keep our promise without you?”
There was no answer.
Still, I chose to believe that somehow, wherever you are, you could hear me.
So before I left, I placed my hand gently over your name.
“Goodbye for now, ‘Rene.”
I smiled through my tears.
“I terribly miss you.”
Then I slowly walked away from your grave, carrying a pain that I knew would never completely disappear.
Death may have taken you from this world.
But it can never take away the love, memories, and promises you left behind.
Until we meet again, Rene.
I will always miss you.
And I will always remember the promise we made.
