09/06/2023
๐ ๐๐ข๐ ๐ง๐ฌ ๐๐จ๐ฎโ๐ซ๐ ๐๐ง ๐๐ฉ๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง, ๐๐จ๐ญ ๐ ๐๐ซ๐ข๐จ๐ซ๐ข๐ญ๐ฒ ๐ข๐ง ๐๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐๐๐ฅ๐๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐ฌ๐ก๐ข๐ฉ
People refer to their romantic partner as their โsignificant otherโ because thatโs precisely what they are, a significant one whom they love and appreciate.
Being significant means being a priority, not an option. In a romantic relationship, wanting to feel significant and unique to your partner is normal.
But sometimes life happens, and there will always be inevitable circumstances where other commitments such as family or work may have to take a back seat, but this should be the exception and not the norm.
If you constantly feel like youโre not a priority in your partnerโs life, itโs important to recognize the signs that might mean youโre just an option to him/ her.
Signs You Are an Option, Not a Priority
Start by asking yourself these questions:
- Do you often feel that your partner doesnโt put you first?
- Do you plan your life around hers and hardly - ever your own?
- Do you feel your partner doesnโt respect or โseeโ your needs?
- Does he/ she make you feel itโs up to you to make all the effort?
- Do you generally feel unappreciated and unsupported?
If so, these are all indications that your partner views you as more of an option โ not a priority.
There are better places to be. In fact, being made to feel an option by the person we love is a horrible place to be, which can take a toll on our happiness and health.
Here are 9 signs that you may be an option, not a priority.
๐ญ. ๐ฌ๐ผ๐๐ฟ ๐ฝ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐๐ป๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐ฑ๐ผ๐ฒ๐ ๐ป๐ผ๐ ๐บ๐ฎ๐ธ๐ฒ ๐๐ผ๐ ๐ณ๐ฒ๐ฒ๐น ๐ถ๐บ๐ฝ๐ผ๐ฟ๐๐ฎ๐ป๐
Maybe you feel like you make all the effort in the relationship but donโt feel itโs reciprocated. For example, whenever there is something that he/she really wants to do, you pay attention and keep the date free in your schedule to make sure that youโll be available.
Or maybe he/she never seems to want to take you to important events with her work or family?
This can leave you feeling like youโre not โgood enoughโ or โimportant enoughโ for him/her to want to show you off to people.
Youโre eventually going to feel unhappy and unappreciated in your relationship.
๐ฎ. ๐ฌ๐ผ๐๐ฟ ๐ฝ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐๐ป๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐ฟ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐น๐ ๐๐ฒ๐
๐๐ ๐๐ผ๐ ๐ผ๐ฟ ๐๐๐ฎ๐ฟ๐๐ ๐ฎ ๐ฐ๐ผ๐ป๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐๐ฎ๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป ๐ณ๐ถ๐ฟ๐๐
Communication is critical for any relationship that can take a toll on our happiness and should be a two-way street.
If your partner never contacts you first, it might be a sign that she doesnโt think about you during the day. A good partner will always try to find little ways to make their loved one feel special, even if by sending a quick text message.
But if you feel like you always have to initiate conversations and never your partner, this could be a sign that they see you as an option rather than a priority.
If so, then that is not a fair or balanced relationship.
๐ฏ. ๐๐น๐น ๐ฝ๐น๐ฎ๐ป๐ ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐ผ๐ป ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ถ๐ฟ ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐บ๐
Does your partner only contact you at the last moment to make plans to go out? Maybe they arenโt considerate of your schedule or life plans and expect you to drop everything whenever they call.
Maybe you feel like a last resort and that they only seem keen to spend time with you when theyโve exhausted all their other options.
There are better ways to be treated. In fact, itโs a horrible way to be treated by someone who is supposed to love and respect you.
If your partner constantly treats you this way, itโs time to reclaim your masculinity and self-respect or walk away.
๐ฐ. ๐ฌ๐ผ๐๐ฟ ๐ฝ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐๐ป๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐๐ ๐๐ผ๐ ๐ต๐ผ๐ฟ๐ฟ๐ถ๐ฏ๐น๐
The saying that โlove is blindโ really does have some truth to it.
Whenever we have deep feelings for someone, we really want to only see the best in them. This can lead to us trying to rationalize or explain away our partnerโs behaviour, even when they are treating us horribly.
If your partner constantly lets you down; for example, maybe they miss important dates like your birthday or planned dinner dates with your family and friends, and then when you try to bring it up to them, your partner nonchalantly invalidates your feelings, then this is a form of emotional manipulation. You donโt deserve to be mistreated or disrespected in this way.
It may be time that you learn to self-love, make yourself a priority and walk away from your relationship.
๐ฑ. ๐ฌ๐ผ๐๐ฟ ๐ฝ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐๐ป๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐ฑ๐ผ๐ฒ๐ ๐ป๐ผ๐ ๐ถ๐ป๐ฐ๐น๐๐ฑ๐ฒ ๐๐ผ๐ ๐ถ๐ป ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ถ๐ฟ ๐ณ๐๐๐๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐ฝ๐น๐ฎ๐ป๐
A relationship is a partnership, and when you build a life with someone, the least you can expect is to be consulted about the big decisions they might make.
But suppose your partner keeps making important decisions, whether related to his/ her career, health or family, without consulting you. In that case, this is a massive red flag that you are not his/ her priority.
๐ฒ. ๐ฌ๐ผ๐ ๐ณ๐ฒ๐ฒ๐น ๐๐ป๐ต๐ฎ๐ฝ๐ฝ๐ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐บ๐ถ๐๐๐๐ฒ๐ฑ
Romantic relationships are meant to add to our happiness, not take it away. But if our partner always treats us as an afterthought and does not respect our wants and needs, this can make us feel unhappy and even lower our confidence or self-esteem.
Whenever weโre in a relationship, it should feel like we are part of a team, planning and building for our future together. Still, whenever we are constantly made to feel like an option at the bottom of somebodyโs list, this can even make us feel depressed.
Have you noticed that you have become more insecure since being with your partner? Or do you find yourself feeling irritable, confused and unhappy regularly?
These can all be signs that your relationship is affecting your happiness and also a sign that you need to make a change, either to the dynamics of your relationship or the nature of the relationship itself.
๐ง๐ต๐ถ๐ ๐ถ๐ ๐๐ผ๐๐ฟ ๐ผ๐ป๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐ผ๐ป๐น๐ ๐น๐ถ๐ณ๐ฒ, ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐๐ผ๐ ๐ฑ๐ฒ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐๐ฒ ๐๐ผ ๐ฏ๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐ฝ๐ฝ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ฎ๐๐ฒ๐ฑ, ๐น๐ผ๐๐ฒ๐ฑ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐ต๐ฎ๐๐ฒ ๐๐ผ๐๐ฟ ๐๐ฎ๐ป๐๐ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐ป๐ฒ๐ฒ๐ฑ๐ ๐บ๐ฎ๐ฑ๐ฒ ๐ฎ ๐ฝ๐ฟ๐ถ๐ผ๐ฟ๐ถ๐๐ ๐ฏ๐ ๐๐ผ๐๐ฟ ๐ฝ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐๐ป๐ฒ๐ฟ.
๐ณ. ๐ฌ๐ผ๐๐ฟ ๐ฝ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐๐ป๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐ป๐ฒ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐ถ๐ป๐๐ฟ๐ผ๐ฑ๐๐ฐ๐ฒ๐ ๐๐ผ๐ ๐๐ผ ๐ต๐ถ๐/ ๐ต๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐ณ๐ฟ๐ถ๐ฒ๐ป๐ฑ๐ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐ณ๐ฎ๐บ๐ถ๐น๐
When someone sees you as a priority in their life, they will want to introduce you to the people who matter to them.
If your partner never introduces you to their friends or family, it is a sign that they are not ready to fully commit to you. They might be afraid of what others will think, or they might not see you as a long-term partner.
If you've been in a relationship for a while and your partner never talks about you to her friends or family, it's a sign that you're an option, not a priority.
๐ด. ๐ฌ๐ผ๐๐ฟ ๐ฝ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐๐ป๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐ถ๐ ๐ฎ๐น๐๐ฎ๐๐ ๐ณ๐น๐ถ๐ฟ๐๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐๐ถ๐๐ต ๐ผ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ผ๐ฝ๐น๐ฒ
Does your partner constantly flirt with others, even when you're around? Maybe you've caught his/ her eyes up others or heard him/ her making suggestive comments to them.
This is a big sign that she sees you as an option rather than a priority. If your partner was indeed in love with you, he/ she would never do anything to make you jealous or insecure.
Flirting with other people in a relationship is a clear sign of disrespect, and it's definitely not something you should tolerate.
๐ต. ๐ฌ๐ผ๐๐ฟ ๐ฝ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐๐ป๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐ฑ๐ผ๐ฒ๐ ๐ป๐ผ๐ ๐บ๐ฎ๐ธ๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ ๐ฒ๐ณ๐ณ๐ผ๐ฟ๐ ๐๐ผ ๐ถ๐บ๐ฝ๐ฟ๐ผ๐๐ฒ ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐น๐ฎ๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป๐๐ต๐ถ๐ฝ
A good partner will always try to find ways to improve the relationship and make their loved one feel special.
Maybe he/ she will surprise you with flowers or little gifts, or maybe he/she will cook you dinner and do everything you love.
But if your partner never makes any effort to improve the relationship, it might be a sign that he/ she doesn't see it going anywhere long-term.
If he/ she is constantly picking fights with you or starting arguments for no reason, it might be a sign that he or she is not as invested in the relationship as you are.
If he/she constantly threatens to break up with you or says things like, "I'm not sure if this is working out," or "I need some space," he/she is trying to manipulate to get what she wants, and it's a sign that she does not see you as a priority in his/ her life.
What to do if you feel like youโre an option, not a priority?
What do you do when you are not a priority in your partnerโs life? How should we respond to someone always treating us as a choice or an option?
First, you need to start doing exactly what your partner is not; that is to start taking your needs seriously.
Sometimes, when we are so used to prioritizing someone elseโs needs, we can forget what ours are?!
So a significant first step is to take a moment to list whatโs important to you. What needs do you feel that your partner has been neglecting? What would you like to do more in your life, and how do you wish to be treated?
Next, have a calm and open discussion with your partner where you tell them exactly how youโve been feeling and read out your list of reasons why your partnerโs behaviour has made you feel this way.
Explain to your partner that you need them to re-evaluate their relationship priorities. Right now, read out your list of reasons why your partnerโs behaviour has made you feel like your needs are not being met and that youโre being treated as nothing more than an option.
Finally, could you make it clear that although you love them and want things to work, you need to start feeling more of a priority moving forward?
Give your partner some time to consider what you have said and time to implement some changes. It may be that your partner sees where they have been going wrong, so they start making more effort.
The best-case scenario would be that they take everything you say on board, so you begin to feature a lot higher on your partnerโs priority list.
But we also need to know that this may not be the case, and she may not take you seriously. He/she may be unable to see your viewpoint or make the necessary changes you deserve.
If this case, then it may be time to make yourself a priority and leave. This can be incredibly complicated, and you might need clarification or be more relaxed about how to proceed.
Takeaways
If your partner is always putting his/her needs ahead of yours, flirting with others, or making you feel like you're not a priority in his/ her life, it's time to talk seriously.
These are all clear signs that he/ she doesn't see you as a long-term partner and he/she is not interested in committing to you.
If you're unhappy with how things are going, feel free to speak up and tell your partner how you feel. If he/ she is unwilling to make things work, it might be time to move on.
Source: Andrew Ferebee
