21/02/2025
2/21/25
Fighting Depression & unhealthy emotions
While Coco and I was under theTalisay tree enjoying the fresh cold breeze, I tried to read the booklet of Bo Sanchez. I pushed myself to focus and distract myself from thoughts I've been wanting to move on from...
The exact page that I accidentally opened was about using our "Primary gift" that we can use in life.
Alof of negative thoughts and emotions have been making it difficult for me to trust myself again when 2025 started. Fear, anxiety, feeling scared of failure, feeling scared that people will not support me and feeling that other people will just laugh at what I'll be selling.
Just a background, eversince I was a kid I've been interested in business. I would always write in slumbooks or autograph books during the 90's that my biggest dream is to be a business manager someday.
My hands led me to page 79 which was about: Your primary gifts will lead you to your sacred mission.
On this page, the main message that I found really applicable to my current situation was:
"And I need is to be true to my primary gift -- for there lies my sacred mission..."
Maybe, I am faced with this *detour in life because God is now telling me to push my mission which is to proceed with long time dream of putting up a small business.
I have my plans A, B, and C for the business that I wanted to start from. Before year 2024 ended and during the time that I was resigning from work, I told my husband and people close to me that I want to start a rolling store using the owner jeep that we bought.
In the rolling store I planned to sell Rice, sugar, egg and cooking oil which the common household items that we use at home.
Then Plan B, I wanted to sell cooked foods. But because I've lost my sense of smell since 2015 I don't have the confidence to cook on my own because my sense of taste has been affected too becuse of my anosmia. And for safety reason, since I will be selling the foods alone I won't know if the foods are still edible or spoiled already, or how it taste once served to the customers. It's hard to accept that I cannot proceed with this long time dream esp in putting up a canteen.
Then out of desperation to sell foods, I thought maybe I can start by selling breakfast items which are easy to prepare like champorado, fried hotdogs, fried eggs, rice, egg sandwich, biko, p**o maya with hot chocolate and I'll try to bake banana muffins again and basic breads that I can make even if I don't have an oven plus the kutkutins that I sold recently.
I am so confused on how to earn a living. It's always hard to start and it's even more harder because alot of negative thoughts have been killing my confidence even if this is not the first time that I've tried to do a business.
I would always ask God to lead me to where he wants me to bring my life or what to do with my life. I always thank him for all the good and bad stuff that happens along the way, I always ask him if there are challenges along the way and he would whisper me his answer through unexpected moments or scenarios.
Maybe it's about time to really try. It's time to help my husband to earn again for our dreams. It's about time that I push myself more. Even if other people will doubt me, I need to try to see if my plans are going to work or not.
I am full of fear but there's this voice inside me that keeps on pushing me to proceed.
If you have read and felt how scared I am, please feel free to message me or leave a comment on how to overcome this extreme fear.
Thanks!
Ps. If you are a believer, please include me in your prayers. I always believe in the power of group prayers.
