15/09/2020
I’ve been a little silent on here lately, not for any one specific reason, but just a lot of little reasons. It’s been a difficult year so far - pandemic, my health, new treatments, a new family member (Zeus), it’s been a lot and social media has taken a back seat. It didn’t make sense to me to prioritize making content when I wasn’t feeling up to it. I’m working on valuing myself independently of my productivity. It’s hard, but it’s important. I’ve been working on my mental health too, and trying to get past trauma and it’s many ugly heads. It’s challenging and tiring but it’s the most important thing I’ll ever do for myself. Learning to love myself completely, learning to value myself and breaking the cycle of emotional abuse and trauma is worth it. So that’s where my mind has been. I’ve kept making videos when I’ve been able to, and kept making stuff for my shop, but I’ve been trying to listen to my body better and be more kind to myself.
It’s been over two years of chronic illness and I’m still learning to pace, still learning not to overdo it, still learning to listen to my body. I’m definitely better at it than I was a year ago, but I also know there is still a lot of room for improvement.
The best treatment I’ve found so far is changing my lifestyle and mindset to be more respectful of my limitations and needs. I feel like this is something everyone would benefit from - slowing down and listening to their bodies -, regardless of their health status. We live in a very fast-paced world and it’s really exhausting. Living slower and more purposefully has made me happier and less anxious. I think this pandemic is really forcing us to take a hard look at ourselves as a society and making us learn some valuable lessons about our communities. I’m not sure how much I believe that this will change people’s minds about disability, it feels like it’s worse now than it was before. I’m frustrated & angry & sad that my life and the lives of my friends don’t mean anything to a scary amount of people.
So here’s a photo of me & my dog, to try and forget for a little how scary the world is right now.