09/09/2025
I love being a mom and so grateful for being blessed with my children.
But after all the chaos of taking care of kids, laundry, cleaning the house, washing dishes, organizing the four corners of the house with the screams and clinginess of my kids, cooking,
What do I got as a reward? Nothing.
No remembrance of wedding anniversaries, received a cake a day before my birthday coz he thought it was the day, no appreciation on a mother's Day atleast. No allowance even on his salary day, sometimes I'm not even aware if he received.
He taught me to be rude, to be tough emotionless. To hate celebrations. To not give importance even to my birthday, to my value.
I lose myself in the marriage.
I lose the Interest to socialize.
I resent people for not backing me up.
I hate my world for not knowing my real situation is.
But maybe, it's all because I allow this all to happen.
I cannot simply let go because of my children.
If I go, he won't allow me to take them.
I don't even know how can I go.
And my heart is also with him so how can I go?
And even if I want to, how? I don't have a single penny and I just can't go out from this country without approval from him.
I am an educated person. I used to provide for myself, my family and even some people in need.
But now I don't have anything.
How can I even survive? Or escape? Or move on? Or let go of my children if I have to go alone?
How?
Oh God, how?
