30/07/2024
"From Darkness to Light: Martyr's Day Reflections"
I was inside the car, as we drove from the Yei Airstrip, haunted by a recurring thought in my native tongue: "Ba lik piir e'di ke ne ke koc ke?" (How will I remain living with these people?). I knew I had been marooned in the struggle. With a one-year-old son and his mother, I couldn't fathom how I was going to survive. I could already anticipate the abuse from all sides.
I had no idea how I would endure in the hands of those left with me. I was left with nothing, inheriting no material wealth. Hopelessness engulfed me. Adding insult to injury, I couldn't show emotion; I refused to give those who celebrated my downfall the satisfaction of seeing me broken. So, I put on a brave face in public.
As we took the body of the leader of the people's revolution on a final tour to bid farewell to his people, I remained steadfast. I finally broke down in Rumbek. Still, I couldn't mourn openly. I retreated to the bathroom of my tent in Afex and wept like a baby for several hours in the quiet of the night. When my tears dried up, I washed my face and went to sleep.
Though I didn't inherit any worldly possessions, I inherited a wealth of knowledge and precious memories of our times in the struggle for liberation. This knowledge and these memories pushed me through those dark days when I wasn't sure how I would make it through the night. They helped me survive these difficult nineteen years. Despite still facing abuse, I have survived against all odds.
"Wel ke Garang kai niin 'e wo' pioth" (We sleep with the words of Garang in our hearts). These lyrics from a song by the Koryom Division of the SPLA encapsulate my journey. The teachings of John Garang helped me face the abyss. Year by year, every Martyrs' Day, I grew stronger despite all the abuse. From a day of mourning, it slowly turned into a day of renewing my commitment to continue the struggle in the best way I could, with the little resources I had.
I have faced the darkness and have not withered away, much to the chagrin of those who thought I wouldn't last two years. It is only by facing the darkness that we are able to see the light. On this nineteenth anniversary of Martyrs' Day, I am more convinced than ever that, as Bob Marley put it, "everything is going to be alright." I am convinced, as HIM Haile Selassie once said, of the victory of good over evil.
Amandla!
Cpt. Mabior Garang
