01/03/2025
A Lesson from My Father
My father once shared a piece of wisdom with me: "If someone hurts you, forgive them, but don’t forget what they did." This advice stayed with me, a guiding principle in every new encounter and relationship. Yet, over time, it became exhausting. Extending kindness and facing betrayal drains the spirit. Admiring someone, only to discover they've been speaking ill of you, is truly heartbreaking.
One day, in a moment of frustration, I asked my father, “Do they really deserve my forgiveness?”
With a gentle smile, he folded his newspaper, a daily ritual after checking the mail, and said, “My child, everyone deserves forgiveness. If someone wrongs you, forgive them the first time. If it happens again, give them another chance. But if they hurt you a third time, it's time to forgive yourself.”
I must have looked puzzled, as he chuckled and handed me a piece of candy, clasping my hands warmly. “Forgive yourself for believing in them, for trusting too easily. Forgive yourself for giving them another chance, hoping things would change. Most importantly, forgive yourself enough to free yourself—free from hatred, revenge, and the burdens of your past.”
The following morning, I found my father in tears, sitting in front of my mother. His best friend of ten years had betrayed him. I asked if he was angry, and once again, he smiled, shaking his head.
“My heart has no room for hatred. I don't deserve to carry that burden. I've forgiven him, but that doesn't mean I've forgotten. When he sees me smiling despite everything, he’ll understand who truly suffered.”
Wiping his eyes with his favorite handkerchief—the one I’d given him for his birthday—he added, “The greatest gift you can give to someone who’s hurt you is to show them you can live a better life despite it. We have only one life, so don’t waste it on those who've scarred your heart. Let them see what they've lost and how, in their own way, they've helped you grow.”
Without my father's words, I might still be haunted by things that were never my fault.
