12/24/2025
Three nights ago, I was standing in my living room debating whether it was even worth putting the tree up. Not because I don’t love Christmas. But because I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. I got sick, the season moved way too fast, and suddenly it was basically here… and I felt behind on everything I wanted to do 🤦🏾♀️
But I also know me. I knew if I woke up on Christmas morning with no tree, I’d be cruel to myself about it. So I did the thing anyway. Not perfectly. Not early. Just… done.
And if I’m being really honest: I was supposed to go back home for the holidays and I’m not. I miss my family so much it hurts. And there’s also this weird relief in not having to answer the “So what have you been up to?” questions when I already feel like I don’t have anything “worthy” to say. That feels silly to admit, but it’s so real.
I keep saying I feel my purpose is to help people and I feel like God keeps nudging me to stop hiding the messy parts and just share my truth. Because someone else is sitting in their own living room feeling behind, ashamed, or stuck… and I want you to know you’re not alone.
I have an appointment with a new psychiatrist at the beginning of the new year and I’m finally getting to a place where I can accept that needing help for my brain doesn’t mean I’ve failed. I’m not lazy. I’m not broken. My brain is wired differently and I’m learning how to work with it instead of punishing myself for it.
If this season looks different for you than you hoped, I want you to know that it’s okay. So many of us carry quiet disappointment or pressure to make the holidays look a certain way, and it can leave you feeling like you missed something.
For me…I’m trying to shift my focus to be about noticing where God has met me in the small moments, the imperfect ones, the ones I didn’t plan. He has carried me through more than I can explain and remembering that has helped me let go of the pressure and choose gratitude instead.
If this season has been heavy for you too, I’m sending you so much love and peace 🫶🏾✨