08/20/2026
She is not afraid of the hard days. She has already survived enough of them to know she will survive the next ones too. What keeps her up at night is something quieter and more specific than the hard days themselves. It is the fear that while she was moving through them,
the beautiful ordinary moments that make childhood something to look back on with warmth were happening right beside her and she was too depleted to be fully present for any of them. That the survival mode that kept her functioning also kept her at one remove from the life she was actually living.
This fear is one of the most honest and loving things a mother can carry because it is driven entirely by how much she wants to be there for her children in the fullest sense. Not just physically present but actually inhabiting the moments alongside them. The solution is not guilt and it is not perfection.
It is the small and intentional choice, when possible, to put down the managing and the surviving long enough to be in the moment as it actually is. Not every day will allow for it. But the days that do are worth every effort to show up for completely.