The Potato Point Chronicle
Operating as usual
Man Wonders Why Social Justice Warriors Haven't Campaigned Against Faygo or Spic and Span
Brian Johnston sat deep in thought this Thursday pondering life's major question - "Why haven't social justice warriors campaigned to get Faygo or Spic and Span removed from the shelf yet?" Clearly these products are homophobic and racist yet they still continue to be sold and marketed as such thou
Rumor: Kim Jong-Un Is A Vegetable
After a botched heart stent, news outlets are reporting Kim Jong-Un is a Vegatable. An eggplant to be specific.
Democrat Voters Celebrate Diversity By Selecting Two Straight, White, Male Candidates For President
Democrat voters narrowed their options for the 2020 Democratic presidential nomination from 20+ candidates to two finalists. Included in the rejected group were several women, a Latino, gay, Asian, and African-American humans as well as extra terrestrial beings (in the case of Marianne Williamson)
Anti-choice Nurse Pressures Father Not To Get A Vasectomy
After weighing and taking local man Tyler Smith's blood pressure (because that's necessary for a vasectomy consultation) local nurse Kira Jennings attempted to infringe on Smith's unalienable right to choose to get a vasectomy. A sacred right granted to him by the United States Supreme Court after t
Desperate Couple Buys Additional Life Insurance Just So Salesman Will Go Home
Local couple Tyler and Shanna Gifford recently had the pleasure of discussing their life insurance options with local salesmen John Carlos of the American Life Insurance Company. Carlos, noticing that the couple had a young child immediately went for the 'think of the children pitch' and tried gu
"The female dogs would frequently turn their heads away in an act to show Sanford they did not want to be kissed."
An area man has been accused by several female dogs of unwanted advances & kisses in the wake of many big name celebrities having similar accusations filed against them. Marcus Sanford, who works as local TV anchor has issued an apology admitting that he did in fact kiss the dogs even though
Facebook Anxiously Awaits Man With Zero Years Of Law Experience To Give Opinion On Steven Avery Case
Thousands of Facebook friends anxiously waited Thursday for the verdict to by delivered on the Steven Avery case after their friend Zac Brown watched all 10 episodes of Making a Murderer on Netflix. "Zac is an expert on legal issues. I know the 4 years he spent at the local community college e
PETA Calls For Vicious Animal Killer To Be Hanged | The Potato Point Chronicle
National News PETA Calls For Vicious Animal Killer To Be Hanged August 5, 2015 mikehunt Leave a comment PETA has called for a vicious murderer of African Gazelle’s to be hanged. “Hunting and stalking animals is a coward’s pastime.” – PETA CEO The serial killer has killed over 45 Gazelle in his lifes…
Congressman Ron Paul (R, TX) Comes Out To Family, Son Rand Paul, That He Is Now – RuPaul
National News Congressman Ron Paul (R, TX) Comes Out To Family, Son Rand Paul, That He Is Now – RuPaul May 28, 2015 mikehunt Leave a comment After a much hyped interview with Dianne Sawyer, congressman Ron Paul (R, TX) admitted last night that he is a woman. “For all intents and purposes, I am a wo…
Recruiter Offers Developer “Exciting, Part Time, Temporary Job 1,800 Miles Away” | The Potato...
Local News Recruiter Offers Developer “Exciting, Part Time, Temporary Job 1,800 Miles Away” May 20, 2015 mikehunt Leave a comment Bradley Dryair, Technical Recruiter of Meet Your Quota Recruiters® pitched an exciting, part time, temporary , Senior UI Engineer job to local developer Pete Givens via e…
Verizon, US Cellular, AT&T & Sprint Propose Merging To ‘F**k Everyone Over’ | The Potato Point...
National News Verizon, US Cellular, AT&T & Sprint Propose Merging To ‘F**k Everyone Over’ May 14, 2015 mikehunt Leave a comment Verizon, US Cellular, AT&T & Sprint jointly announced Monday that they are proposing a 4 way merger (pending a first round draft pick) to form the world’s largest telecommu…
Time Traveling Democrat Urges Party Members To Support 'Man-boy Marriage'
Showing up naked surrounded by an electrical storm, future Vice President Teagan McDonahue-Beaumont-McCallahan warned fellow Democrats to support Man-boy marriage before looking like hateful bigots...
Never Married Priest Gives Marriage Counseling To Troubled Couple
Boston, Massachusetts Father Francis, considered one the top Catholic experts on the topic of marriage counseled his latest couple Friday. "I don't know if I can ever trust Steve again. I hope Fath...
Entire Cast Of The View, Replaced With Chickens
Announced this week is news that the hit TV Show - The View will have some cast changes next season. The entire cast will be replaced by Chickens. "We figured since most of the show is just a bunch...
Scientists Finally Discover What 'Trans Fat' Is
Even though no food has ever contained trans fat, scientist have finally unlocked the secrets of what trans fat is. It took us years of research and several rounds of federal grants, but we have fi...
Americans Celebrate After US World Cup Team Beats Third World Country Team
Across the country today, Americans are celebrating after the US beat Ghana 2 -1 in a World Cup semi-final game. Ghana was favored to win the game 56 to 0 but the Americans managed an upset in the ...
Man Wonders Why Social Justice Warriors Haven't Campaigned Against Faygo or Spic and Span
Brian Johnston sat deep in thought this Thursday pondering life's major question - "Why haven't social justice warriors campaigned to get Faygo or Spic and Span removed from the shelf yet?" Clearly...
V. Stiviano Fired From Gold Digging Job, After Racist Remarks Against African Americans
V. Stiviano (who has a first name consisting of one letter) was fired today from her gold digging job after a video was posted on TMZ of her making racist remarks. "I don't understand black people....
"We need to think of the children and ban guns!" Says ultra Pro-Choice mother
When asked about whether or not guns laws are strict enough, local mother and Planned Parenthood nurse Jessica Jones had strong words to say. "We need to think of the children and ban guns! Nothing...
Politicians Draw Up Plan To Ban Fire After Recent Rash Of Arsons
New London, WI & University of California, Santa Barbara After arson incidents at a local bar, high school playground and the University of California, Santa Barbara politicians are planning to...
Credit Card Rewards Site Offers Sweet $50 Overnight Shipping For $25 Gift Card
Local resident Kyle Boward was overcome with joy when he discovered that his Chase Bank rewards points towards a $25 gift card would only cost $50 to ship via International Priority Mail. "What a f...
White Walkers Attack Winterfell
Winterfell, Seven Kingdoms Terrible news, delivered by a murderous raven (Raymond Lewis), befell on the realm today as residents learned of the terrible attack at Winterfell. Prophets had foretold ...
(Totally Non-Biased) Georgetown University Study Reveals: College Degree Is Worth It
A report recently released by Georgetown University on whether or not a college degree is worth it - shocked everyone with the news that yes, it is totally worth getting a Bachelor's degree from a...
Racist Mutant Ninja Turtles Shout "Turtle Power" At Minorities
Potato Point police today arrested four local green-skinhead gang members after they were caught beating up a Roman Catholic teenager in the North Potato Point area. Going by the names Leonardo, Ra...
New London Residents Celebrate St. Patricks Day With Irish Stereotypes
New London, WI Residents in New London, WI (Now known as New Dublin, because drinking.) decided to honor their fake-irish heritage on St. Patricks day with Irish Stereotypes. Wearing all green, a t...
Owen And Luke Wilson Decide To Call It Quits With Pop Group Wilson-Phillips
A terrible blow has been dealt to the 80's pop community today. Owen and Luke Wilson, brothers of the super group Wilson-Phillips decided they can no longer 'hold on for one more day' and left the ...
Erectile Dysfunction Commercial Lists Dry Mouth, Fatigue And Death As Side Effects
Local viewer Ken Kranston was shocked to discover the side effects his Erectile Dysfunction medicine 'Bonerius' causes. "I was watching Diane Sawyer on the nightly news like I always do and then t...
40 Foot Panther Attacks Downtown De Pere
According to an image pulled from Google Street View, a 40 foot panther has attacked downtown De Pere, Wisconsin. De Pere (pronounced 'Deep-Here' by William Zoelle) is a suburb of Green Bay, Wiscon...
Employee Does Phone Interview In Workplace Parking Lot
Armed with a silencer, night vision goggles and a grappling hook, local resident Barry Omaha worked his way out of the four story office using the HVAC system to arrive on the building roof. From t...
Apple Announces HorsePlay, Seamless Integration Between Your Horse and iLife
Hot off of the release of CarPlay, Apple's Car-iPhone integration system, Apple today released HorsePlay. HorsePlay (not to be confused with WhorePlay) Offers seamless integration between the iPhon...
Republican Senator Supports Abortion To Stop Spread Of 'Future Liberal Babies'
Republican Senator John Cheney has created controversy amongst his fellow party members by coming out in support of abortion. "Abortion should be made legal. The only women who get abortions, supp...
Progressive Activist, With Coexist Bumper Sticker, Longs For World Without Republicans
The Potato Point Chronicle recently had the chance to sit down with local political activist and member of the Potato Point Progressive party - Hillary Kennedy-Goldstein to talk about the changes s...
Retired Man, Shoveling Snow, Gives Detailed Weather Forecast To Neighbors As They Leave In The...
The Potato Point Chronicle caught up with local retired resident Alfred Holmes today, while he was shoveling snow outside his apartment, to see what he thought of the weather lately. "Some snow we ...
Highly Accurate, Futuristic Poll Reveals 'What State You Belong To'
US officials are excited to learn that a highly advanced, futuristic poll is making its rounds online. The poll will reveal to users "what state they belong to." Scientists are perplexed at how thi...
Local Girl Learns First Step In P90X Weight Loss Program Is Posting On Facebook
Potato Point resident Hannah Melroy was surprised to learn that the first step in her recently purchased P90X workout program was posting about it on the social media website Facebook. "I was excit...
1431 N Potato Point Rd
Appleton, WI
54911
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