06/18/2026
The purpose of parenting is not to create a permanently obedient child.
The purpose is to develop a capable adult.
A good parent gradually makes himself less necessary.
When a child is two years old, the parent does almost everything.
When the child is ten, the parent should be doing less.
When the child is sixteen, less still.
When the child is eighteen, the goal is not dependence. The goal is competence, judgment, character, and self-governance.
Under that framework, every parenting decision can be evaluated with a simple question:
"Does this help my child become more capable of handling reality on their own?"
Sometimes that means helping.
Sometimes it means stepping back.
Sometimes it means allowing a mistake and letting reality teach the lesson.
Many parents struggle because protecting a child and developing a child are not always the same thing.
Protection reduces exposure to risk.
Development requires exposure to manageable risk.
A child learns balance by falling.
Learns judgment by making decisions.
Learns responsibility by carrying responsibility.
Learns confidence by accomplishing difficult things.
If every challenge is removed, capability often fails to develop.
In that sense, the parent is not building a comfortable environment. The parent is building a person.
And that person must eventually function in a world where the parent is not present.
Your principle also provides a useful test for over-parenting:
If a parent is solving problems that the child is capable of solving, the parent may be unintentionally weakening the child's development.
The same principle applies later in life.
A mentor should eventually create peers.
A teacher should eventually create independent thinkers.
A leader should eventually create other leaders.
A parent should eventually create adults.
The common thread is that success is measured not by how much control is maintained, but by how much capability is transferred.
Viewed that way, the highest achievement of a parent is not that the child remains dependent on them.
It's that the child becomes capable of standing on their own, carrying responsibility, and eventually helping develop the next generation in the same way.
