06/25/2025
Dateline: Backroads Central
On Tuesday, June 24 at 12:01pm Pepe the Monkey, creator of 50% of the Summer Solstice Rally Routes, was executed by firing squad at the offices of Backroads Central. (The ex*****on was sponsored in part by Gulf Oil – bringing you mayhem on and off the roads for 100 years – check out www.gulfoil.com for more info.)
Pepe was found guilty of “gross negligence and high suckatude in routing judgment and planning.” A capital offense at BRC.
Judge Skippy K. Roo, who over saw the court proceedings commented, “Heymateyougottaexpectthissortaofthingfromamonkeyfosterlagerandshrimponthebarbiehh.”
Reporters were perplexed.
Pepe the Monkey was summarily executed by firing squad.
The ex*****on was carried out by General Notso Happy – who seemed very happy this day and stated with a wink,
“Well, you get what you paid for, right? He was a friggin’ monkey.
A MONKEY!”
Not all were as Happy as Happy with this termination.
Long time traveling buddy Shira Kamil was wiping aways tears and said, “This is total bu****it! He didn’t route those riders down that dirt road on purpose. Hell, he doesn’t even have opposable thumbs, for goodness sake, he can’t operate a keyboard. This is just total bu****it, and a set-up! I don’t believe Pepe’s gone.”
Pepe’s body was buried in a shallow, unmarked grave outside Citizens Bank Park, which was immediately bombed by a B-2 bomber from Whiteman Air Force Base, which dropped a GBU-57 Mop to make sure the job was done.
The White House has not yet commented on Social Media as of…
