11/15/2021
“The way back up.”
I have officially been back longer than I was gone.
I have spent the last two months in a place I have never experienced before.
I needed to process the journey, what it was meant to teach me, and most importantly, how I can provide value to others through the lens of my experience.
I am going to continue the sharing of my journey across the country, but first, I need you to understand this lens I now look through.
The first few times you push yourself for something bigger than you could ever imagine, something that may seem impossible for you, there is a crash.
And I burnt myself out.
I thought the biggest test of my mental health was going to be the ride, but it turned out to be the come down after.
The truth is, I almost lost my life two times out there.
The amount of life essence that it took to continue and finish after each of these events, put me in sheer survival mode.
I expected to get back and continue with the same momentum I had before I left: To pick up the same training routines, to start swimming again and immediately prep for a half ironman.
But my mind wouldn’t let me.
I was a depressed version of myself.
Every week, it was “this week”.
“This week is when I turn it all around.”
I stopped biking.
I have only been on the bike twice since I got back.
I have felt unreliable to some of the people closest to me.
Even making this graphic and posting it has taken me over 2 weeks.
It just felt like I wasn't going to be able to get myself back up.
What is the point after all?
The real problem was that I wasn't actually in a bad place.
I was still eating healthy 90% of the time, still working out multiple times a week.
But the bar was lower than before so it felt like I was doing nothing.
We are our own worst critics.
But I wanted more for myself again.
I have thought a lot about how I want to share the rest of this journey.
So I start by sharing this graphic so that you may have a lens to view the rest of this story through.
To know that I will be broken on the other side of that finish line.
But I now know I needed to be broken to put the pieces back together stronger…
(Continued in comments)