14/11/2025
Performing is one of the easiest ways to look strong… and one of the fastest ways to block your own growth.
Tonette broke it down:
Performance is a survival instinct — a habit you build when you don’t feel safe being your real self.
You become the one who always looks put together, always knows the answer, always has it handled, always appears “strong.”
But here’s the truth:
Performance gets applause…
but it destroys progress.
When you’re performing, you’re not healing.
When you’re performing, you’re not honest.
When you’re performing, you’re not letting people SEE you —
and people can’t help, invest in, or elevate what they can’t see.
And the crazy part?
Everyone can tell when you’re performing.
People feel it.
Opportunities sense it.
Rooms trust authenticity — not masks.
Performance distracts you from the real work.
It keeps you busy instead of better.
It keeps you polished instead of powerful.
It keeps you admired instead of advancing.
The moment you stop performing and start dealing with your stuff —
that’s the moment your life actually shifts.
Your gifts get sharper.
Your relationships deepen.
Your calling expands.
Doors open because YOU opened.
The world doesn’t need your performance.
It needs your transformation.
— Keywords: healing, emotional growth, trauma response, Black female therapist, authenticity, Above the Line, self-awareness, leadership, purpose, nervous system, BANC
