The Billings Beet

05/28/2022

The PDRA (Prairie Dog Rifle Association) told reporters, “The only thing that will stop a bad human with a gun is a good prairie dog with a gun.”

On Friday, prairie dog families in the area mourned yet another mass shooting to decimate their tight knit community. David Dogg, a local activist, spoke out at a protest/memorial: “It’s time for us to stand up and ban .22s. There’s no reason these weapons of mass destruction should be on the ...

03/27/2020

Governor Steve Bullock: “This might be the most important thing going on in science right now. If we’re going to shelter-in-place, we need to know EXACTLY what the tastiest beer is to stock up on.”

On Saturday, researchers from the Montana Brewer’s Association released findings from their latest study, revealing that the majority of college students in the state have a strong preference for the taste of Coldsmokitis over Coronavirus. The study only started a week ago, but was able to fast-tr...

03/25/2020

Remember to keep 6 miles between you and others!

According to the Centers for Disease Control, their new guidelines for social distancing appear to only be affecting .01% of the population of MT, due to Montanans already being as socially distant as possible. The Office of Governor Steve Bullock released a press statement regarding the new guide

02/29/2020

Lucky’s Market was Billings’ premiere kale and micro greens dealership in the Billings area for the last 4 years.

On Tuesday, researchers at MSUB released findings that suggest that Billings has entered its first ever economic recovery since the opening of Lucky’s Market in early 2014. Dr. Rakesh Sah, Chief Economist at MSUB, gave some insight into the study: “We noticed a slow uptick in spending in the Bil...

02/29/2020

Heyo! The Billings Gazette can’t seem to keep an Editor, so we’re just going to find one for them!

Do you consider yourself an up and coming content creator?

Do you love posting stories that have no relevance with Billings or the greater Montana region?

Are you obsessed with high school sports statistics, even though you swear there’s not a correlation with sports betting now being legal in Montana?

Do you love being owned by a news conglomerate that’s from outside the state, and pushes you to repost Washington Post articles?

Do you like having a website that begs visitors for spare change?

Do you like having comments turned off on your articles so your readership can’t engage with you?

Are you into having a rogue online newspaper named after a root vegetable be your only rival and arch nemesis?

Well, then we’ve got the job for you!

Send a resume, cover letter, one whole beet, and your favorite strategy for diversifying financial channels for a dying subscription model to:

Billings Gazette
401 N Broadway
Billings, MT 59101

01/19/2020

The two transit lines will utilize the existent underground tunnels beneath Billings, hitting all major metropolitan areas and shopping districts. The majority of the budget will go towards renovating all the local Subway restaurants to be fully functional stations in the basement.

On Saturday, Mayor Bill Cole signed the official documents that approved future construction for Billings’ first public transit subway system. According to meeting minutes, the weekly City Council meeting was not originally intended to propose the construction project. Due to a city clerk not rea

01/10/2020

Need some fun Billings stuff to do? Check out our Top 20 for 2020!

Sit on the Rims and enjoy the view of the south hills that look half as cool as the Rims.  Looking for a boujee bar where all your underage friends can drink? Bucks Bar has been a favorite watering hole for years. Go cruising on 24th street with your friends, and then chill in the

01/03/2020

Each decade, since 1889, we give out the Golden Beet Awards to the best of the best in Billings. Which one is your favorite?

Each decade, since 1889, we give out The Golden Beet Awards. Half Reader’s Choice, Half Monetary Bribe, these awards only go to the best of the best in Billings. We couldn’t be more proud of these establishments. Which one is your favorite?

12/31/2019

👇👇👇

January: February: March: April: May: June: July: August: September: October: November: December: — Article quotations on this page courtesy of the reliable reporters at the Billings Gazette

12/29/2019

“We really wanted to show the youths that we’re hashtag woke and use the words that they do. This slogan encapsulates Montana’s YOLO attitude. The essence of the campaign is about the “n****a spirit” of exploring Montana in your own way.”

On Sunday, Visit Billings debuted its new campaign branding, featuring 420 billboards that say “ONWARD N****S”, and their tagline “That wilderness won’t colonize itself, so get out there and discover things.” A press release from the The Visit Billings website gave more exploration concern...

11/14/2019

BPD Chief Rich St. John commented, “The BPD has been an ardent supporter of the bar since the beginning, for obvious reasons. I would be surprised if there was anyone that could replace us here.”

On Saturday, Shooters Casino and Sports Bar held its first ever shooting competition, the winner to become the bar’s official mascot. Before the competition, Billings Police Chief Rich St. John commented, “The Billings Police Department has been an ardent supporter of the bar since the beginning...

09/05/2019

“The chemical profile was so evasive. Even our staff with the most seasoned palates couldn’t crack this one for the longest time.”

After over 12 years of grueling research, scientists at Montana State University Billings think they have finally found some answers. “This chemical profile has been so evasive, we didn’t think we would ever figure out what makes up this lake,” said Dr. Matt Queen, who heads up the Analytical ...