Pia Schedler - To Know and Be Known

03/26/2026

Many of the reactions you have in relationships are not random.

They come from your attachment patterns —
the way your nervous system learned to stay safe with people.

Some people become anxious.
Some pull away.
Some get angry.
Some shut down.

These patterns were learned early,
but they are not permanent.

When you understand attachment,
you can change how you show up in relationships.

Follow for content on attachment, healing, and emotional safety.

03/25/2026

Playing it safe would be easier.

But when you know you’re called to something,
you don’t get to stay where it’s comfortable.

Social media doesn’t come naturally to me.
I overthink, hesitate, and sometimes struggle to say what I feel inside.

But I care too much about coaching and helping people grow
to stay quiet.

So this is my learning season.
And I’m showing up anyway.

03/23/2026

You don’t panic because you’re needy.
You panic because your nervous system learned that distance means danger.

When someone pulls back, gets quiet, or seems upset,
your mind starts searching for proof that you’re still safe.

So you text more.
Explain more.
Reassure more.
Try harder.

Not because you want to…
but because your body is trying to make sure you won’t be left.

This is anxious preoccupied attachment.
And once you understand it, you can start to healing and stop chasing.

You were created for connection —
not for constant fear of losing it.

03/22/2026

Most people think life is about success, goals, or achievements.
But when you really look closely, almost everything that shapes you happens in relationships.
Your confidence was shaped in relationships.
Your fears were shaped in relationships.
Your triggers show up in relationships.
And your healing also happens in relationships.
We are wired for connection.
We need to feel seen, safe, and understood to truly grow.
That’s why relationship patterns affect so many areas of life — not just dating, but friendships, family, work, and even the way you see yourself.
Nothing influences your nervous system more than connection.
And nothing helps you grow more than safe connection.

03/21/2026

9 out of 10 people try to change their life the wrong way.

We notice things about ourselves we don’t like.
We overreact.
We shut down.
We chase.
We push people away.
We get triggered and don’t know why.

So we try to change the behavior.

We tell ourselves to be calmer.
More confident.
Less needy.
Less sensitive.
More secure.

But if you don’t understand why you do what you do,
changing your behavior becomes an uphill battle you never really win.

Because your behavior is not random.

It comes from subconscious beliefs you learned early in life.

Beliefs like
“I’m not good enough”
“People leave”
“I’m on my own”
“I’m too much”
“I’m not safe with people”

This is why attachment theory matters.

It explains the patterns you didn’t choose,
but keep repeating in relationships, in conflict,
and even in the way you see yourself.

When you work at the level of beliefs instead of just behavior,
change doesn’t have to take forever.

You can actually reprogram patterns much faster
when you go to the root instead of fighting the surface.

03/20/2026

Your attachment style influences how you connect with people, how you handle conflict, how safe you feel in relationships, and even how you see yourself.

Many people try to change their life by working on mindset alone, but the patterns keep coming back.
That’s because attachment patterns live deeper than thoughts.
They live in the nervous system.

When you understand your attachment style, you start to see why you react the way you do, why certain relationships feel so hard, and why the same struggles keep repeating.

Real change happens when you don’t just think differently —
you start to feel safe enough to show up differently.

03/19/2026

Sometimes life looks fine on the outside,
but inside it feels like nothing is really changing.

You go through the same routine.
You do what needs to be done.
You stay responsible.
You stay safe.

But every once in a while, something in you wakes up.

A longing.
A restlessness.
A quiet feeling that there should be more.

Not more success.
Not more things.
More connection.
More meaning.
More depth.

You want to belong.
You want to be known.
You want to feel like your life actually matters.

That feeling isn’t a problem.
It’s a signal.

Part of you knows you weren’t made to live disconnected —
from yourself,
from others,
from the life you were meant to live.

And when that voice keeps showing up,
it’s worth listening.

03/19/2026

If the same kind of relationship keeps showing up in your life,
it’s usually not bad luck.

Here are 3 common reasons patterns repeat:

1. You are drawn to what feels familiar,even if it isn’t healthy.

2. You mistake intensity for chemistry,so uncertainty can feel exciting instead of unsafe.

3. You take the same role every time —giving more, trying harder, or staying too long.

When these repeat, it can feel like you keep meeting the wrong people.
But often, it’s the same pattern playing out again.

Once you see it, you can start choosing differently.

03/16/2026

03/15/2026

If you have a dismissive avoidant pattern, you probably learned early that it felt safer to rely on yourself.

So now you need space to feel okay.
You need appreciation instead of pressure.
You need peace instead of emotional intensity all the time.
You need time before you open up.
You need to feel accepted without being pushed.
When those needs aren’t met, your system shuts down, pulls back, or disconnects.

Not because you don’t care. Because too much closeness can feel like losing yourself.

And when connection feels safe, dismissive avoidants often come closer than people expect.

Understanding this pattern can change how you see yourself
and how you see your relationships.

03/14/2026

Dismissive avoidants often have traits people admire at first.

They’re logical.
Grounded.
Independent.
Not overly emotional.
Slow to rush into relationships.

At first, this can feel safe and mature.
But over time, it can start to feel like
you’re the only one bringing emotion, effort, and depth.

Not because they don’t care.
Because closeness can feel overwhelming to their nervous system.
And if this is the pattern you keep feeling drawn to,
there’s usually something familiar about it.

03/14/2026

One of the hardest things for self-aware women is this:

You care about growth.
You want to respond calmly.
You want to be mature, grounded, and secure.
And yet something happens…
and your body reacts before you can stop it.

Tight chest.
Defensive.
Angry.
Shut down.
Anxious.

Sometimes people see it.
Sometimes no one notices but you.

And then the shame comes.

You think it means you’re not healed.
You think it means you should be further along.

But most triggers aren’t about the moment you’re in.
They come from places where you once felt dismissed,
not respected,
or not taken seriously.

That part of you learned a long time ago
that you had to react quickly to protect yourself.
So the reaction isn’t failure.
It’s information.

And when you stop shaming it
and start understanding it,
you begin to change in a deeper way than just trying to control yourself.