The Hoot FAU

The Hoot is a Florida Atlantic University satirical news source. Completely independent and student-run.

The Hoot is Florida Atlantic University’s only satirical news source. Our mission is to make you giggle, but only a little bit. We are the voice of the FAU student community and our goal is to bring together this diverse community through comedy.

10/28/2021

"A spooky sighting has occurred on FAU’s campus ahead of Halloween–– no, it’s not a disgraced Owlsley snorting 30 lines of coke, a blood sacrifice, or even pr*****ed as***le in the campus rec–– rather unbelievably, a ghost has been spotted at FAU! And not just any ghost mind you, as the ghastly visage was confirmed to be our very own Howard Schnellenberger."

A spooky sighting has occurred on FAU’s campus ahead of Halloween–– no, it’s not a disgraced Owlsley snorting 30 lines of coke, a blood sacrifice,...

10/27/2021

"This past Monday, FAU Administration announced that, from now on, tailgaters would be forced to hold their celebrations until football games ended in order to encourage game attendance."

This past Monday, FAU Administration announced that, from now on, tailgaters would be forced to hold their celebrations until football games ended in order to...

10/20/2021

"A popular statement uttered by the older generations at FAU and across the country, Baby Boomers wishing it was like when they were younger is not uncommon. However, Prof. Keads disagrees with all of those people. He doesn’t wish it was like when he was 15, he wishes it was like the old, old days."

“I know you’ve heard this before,” said Dr. Jim Keads, Professor of Classical and Victorian Literature, “but gosh I wish it was like the old...

10/07/2021

"Stephanie was the victim of a peeping Tom — someone (usually a Male hence the male gendering of the expression"

As Halloween edges nearer, it’s not uncommon for us to spot a few eager students donning their Halloween costumes before the holiday. However, a recent...

10/05/2021

"'Cathy’s kinda weird,” says boyfriend, Jacob Feldstein (21), a junior who flinches at the mention of her name, deeply in love. 'She tells me she can read my bones. She knows how I will decay.'"

With special niche social sciences professions come special responsibility. No one is more eager to embrace such than sophomore Cathy Vitale, aged 20, who, according...

09/29/2021

"We’ve all been there before. You match with someone great on Tinder but, of course, you’re a busy person. Without intending to, you’ve ghosted a Tinder match! Or maybe you did intend to. We won’t tell. Here are some tips on how to avoid that poor Tinder match on campus."

We’ve all been there before. You match with someone great on Tinder but, of course, you’re a busy person. Without intending to, you’ve ghosted a...

09/28/2021

“All he does is pass out papers to the students, but they love it because it lets them get closer to that chiseled jawline they love. I think it’s why people are turning in their assignments on time now.” Many professors were worried that having the TA cover his face will result in less student participation.

As the fall 2021 semester begins at Florida Atlantic University, administration has changed the school’s mask policy multiple times. This past Tuesday, they’ve announced a...

09/15/2021

"Rumors of a promotion have been circulating ever since Kelly Tweeted “I love my big purse daddies, ” back in July shortly after the announcement that FAU will be going back to in-person classes despite the increase in Covid-19 Delta-variant cases."

Reports are coming in from the Office of the President of the University that the rumors of Pres. John Kelly’s promotion by FAU’s Board of...

05/05/2021

"Plans have already been set in motion to completely renovate the 5th floor into a Sky Zone themed trampoline park. President John Kelly has spoken with numerous construction companies including Gilbane Building Company and Bliss Construction, LLC, since the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic."

The crown jewel of FAU’s Boca Raton campus is set to undergo massive renovations. It’s not Howard Schnellenberger Field (the football stadium’s actual name), or...

04/30/2021

Adams explained that he called out to the disembodied spirit of Henry David Thoreau in the hope that Thoreau’s spirit could “spell out what’s so cool about Walden Pond.”

As students prepare for final exams, English majors across all of FAU’s campuses are compiling journal articles and other research and building works cited pages...

04/27/2021

"It is common knowledge amongst former gifted students, and those who are unfortunate enough to be around them for more than five minutes, that they experienced a difficult time as students and now crave validation in their adult lives."

This past Monday, a local former gifted kid accepted an invitation to an honors society at FAU just to feel something. It is common knowledge...

04/23/2021

"FAU’s thoughtful administration has come up with a way to remind students what campus life was like: sending parking tickets students would have normally received at school to their houses."

Even with campus continuing to open up as Covid restrictions loosen, there is still a large student population that is completing their classes online. FAU’s...

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