09/18/2025
The Great Chicken Heist
Bob wasn’t a criminal. At least, not until last Saturday when he tried to “borrow” a chicken.
It all started when his neighbor, Mrs. Jenkins, bragged about her prize hen, Henrietta, that supposedly laid eggs the size of baseballs. Bob, who was used to grocery store eggs that looked like ping-pong balls, didn’t believe her. So naturally, the only logical thing to do was sneak into her backyard at midnight to check.
Dressed in all black (including socks on his hands because he couldn’t find gloves), Bob tiptoed over the fence. Henrietta was perched on a little wooden roost, glowing like royalty under the moonlight. Bob whispered, “Come here, chicken,” as if Henrietta spoke English.
Henrietta, however, was fluent only in “cluck.” She gave him the side-eye, then let out a scream that could’ve woken every rooster in the country. Suddenly, the entire chicken coop exploded in feathers, squawks, and chaos.
Panicking, Bob grabbed Henrietta under his arm like a football and bolted. But chickens don’t like being footballs. Henrietta wriggled, flapped, and pecked his ear so hard Bob nearly dropped her.
By the time Bob scrambled back over the fence, Mrs. Jenkins’ porch light flicked on. “Who’s there?” she shouted. Bob froze, still clutching Henrietta, who chose that exact moment to p**p on his shirt.
He thought about pretending to be a lost jogger, but it was hard to look athletic while covered in feathers and bird droppings. Instead, he yelled, “I’m testing your security system! Good news—it works!” and sprinted home.
The next morning, Bob found Henrietta strutting around his living room like she owned the place. She’d already knocked over a vase, eaten his cereal, and laid an egg on the TV remote. And yes, the egg was enormous—big enough to crack the remote in half.
When Mrs. Jenkins came knocking, Henrietta refused to leave. She’d decided Bob’s couch was more comfortable than a wooden roost. Mrs. Jenkins just shook her head. “Looks like she’s adopted you,” she sighed.
And that’s how Bob accidentally stole a chicken, ruined his shirt, and became the proud new owner of the most demanding roommate he’d ever had.
